Where to start !

[Terryv]

Hi,

I am a new member (joined this evening), my wife and I have recently been watching Baby whisperer on the UK Discovery Channel as we have been having significant problems with our little girl Alyssa who is now 5 months old.

We aren't following any of Tracy's plans specifically but have been trying to implement some of the techniques she demonstrated in the series.

Alyssa was born 3 weeks prematurely and after initial problems breastfeeding, took to it like a duck to water. Secondly, she has always had dry skin so we have been moisturising her from head to toe at least twice a day since she was born. Lastly, she has always been very reluctant indeed to sleep at night or in the day.

General issue - My wife and I are despairing about the lack of consistent advice we have received from healthcare professionals in the UK, I think this is a general complaint judging by other posts I have read through this evening. It reached a point two weeks ago where the problems had gotten so bad that we took Alyssa to accident and emergency one evening determined to make someone pay attention.

Where we are now:

The dry skin has been quoted has either eczema or cradle cap, her skin is quite dry all over but her face and head are particularly bad, the ointment we are using certainly takes the redness away for a while but Alyssa is so tormented by whatever the underlying cause is that she rubs and rubs her face and back of her head until she has broken the skin. We are presently having to keep her swaddled so that she doesn't scratch herself to bits. We have just been given an anti-histamine oral medicine after taking ourselves of to A&E for a second time. This was two days ago and there are no signs of improvement yet.

The event which caused us to go to A&E the first time around was that Alyssa all of a sudden started having great difficulties breast feeding, she started to throw her head back and scream her head off, I guess partially because of the frustration of being hungry and not being able to feed.

We had started a small amount of solid food at a lunchtime about two weeks before this. The Consultant diagnosed reflux which seemed to us to fit the symptoms although Alyssa was never being sick very frequently, a little dribble here and there but nothing dramatic at all. We were given three medications, Gaviscon to thicken the milk, another to control the production of stomach acid and a third to keep the food moving through her stomach. These seem to have made a difference, the feeding is generally now much easier although the itching from the eczema/cradle cap/whatever !! is still making this process challenging.

Lastly, Alyssa's sleep pattern is proving very very challenging indeed, it hasn't been helped by the eczema and reflux but to be quite honest, it has never been a great success since she was born.

Alyssa is very attached to her Mum as I am at work all day, I take over to the extent I can when I get home but Alyssa has so far refused a bottle so the feeding of milk is something only my wife can do. I do all the solid food feeds and administer the medicine, at the weekends.

I put Alyssa to bed each night generally between 7.30 and 8pm. We have had only one night in her little life so far that either of us have been able to put her in her cot without her crying. The way we are having to settle her is by putting the hair dryer on, the sound settles her down to sleep quite quickly.

All being well, she then doesn't wake until around 11pm to midnight at which point her Mum breastfeeds her (and gives more gaviscon and so on). She usually settles again fairly well after that but then usually wakes up every 45 minutes to 1 hour for the rest of the night. My wife settles her down after about 1am so I can sleep for work. The feeding routine is basically 4am, 8am, Noon, 4pm, 7pm and midnight. Alyssa is now having limited solid foods at 8am, noon and 7pm (ish), each of these feeds is topped up by breastfeeding.

So, in summary, we have a 5 month old with reflux, eczema which drives her to a point I can only describe as demented, and wakes as many as 10 times per night. She also rarely sleeps during the day and if she does, it is for lets say half an hour in the pram when she go's out for a walk, to the shops or to friends and family.

Sorry to start off my postings with such a long tale, I was struggling to determine where to post this so just thought I would pick one !!

Anyway, if anyone has any ideas they might wish to share, I would be delighted to share them, my wife and I really feel that we are getting nowhere fast and the professional advice we have been given in some cases is highly suspect. We are both first time parents so our experience in these matters is small (growing fast but still small !).

Many thanks for your time.

Terry

[Terryv]

Sorry, just noticed the list of questions, I think I have answered the majority in my original post but where I didn't, additions below


(Breastfeeding) How much? or how long?  Generally takes anything form 15 minutes to half an hour

If breastfed.. one side or both?? (at each feed) Generally both although she often is so tired that she falls asleep without necessarily being properly full.

What’s your LO like when waking at night? How long is he/she up? She usually can be settled inside 10 minutes after a feed, this often requires the use of the hairdryer which stops her crying quickly (we don't blow the air on her of course). For the last week or so, she has been so unsettled that after about 3am my wife has brought her back into our room and put her to sleep between us on the bed. Its not a habit we want to reinforce but by 3am, my wife is out on her feet.


When you go to him/her is she fussing or crying? Or is it a mantra cry? We wait to see what occurs, she sometimes (not often) just fusses and settles herself, mostly she begins to cry, we try talking to her in a reassuring way very quietly and gently tapping or rubbing her tummy through the covers. This often isn't enough and the volume of her crying increases at which point we often revert to the hair dryer unless something else is obviously the cause.


What have you tried to settle?? See above

What do you do for A time and how long is it? Her attention span is quite short at the moment and given that she feels the overhwelming desire to scratch her face and head, its difficult to leave her to her own devices for more than 5 or 10 minutes in any one go. She does enjoy laying on her playmat which has toys hanging from it. We occasionally watch a short Baby Einstein DVD with her. She go's for a long walk every day (weather permitting), walks are normally up to 2 hours of which she might sleep for half of it if we are lucky. We show her baby picture books and read through the accompanying words. When the weather is bad, my wife either go's to visit family or friends instead of the 2 hour walk.

Are there developmental issues such as teething or milestones?

Not that we are aware of. Nothing apparent at this stage.


Have you introduced cereal? Why, how much, and how many times a day? (for LO’s under 6 months)

My wife has just started introducing a baby porridge for breakfast on the advice of the health visitor. About 2 teaspoons is the usual measure although I suspect Alyssa would quit happily eat more, we plan to gradually increase the quantity over the next week or so.

Do they have a prop? If so what is it?

If this means a blanket or toy to cuddle, no. At one stage we did use one of her Mums T-Shirts as a bedsheet in an effort to reassure Alyssa.

Do they have a lovie?

Struggling to differentiate this from the above question.


Many thanks.

Terry

[teezee]

ok well if your dd in fact does have reflux the solids (which i was also advised by a dr) won't necessarily help, as her digestive system is immature (which is what is prob causing the reflux) and although it may help with reflux symptoms is probably giving you a whole other slew of problems for her ie gas, cramping, tummy aches, etc. i would def stop the solids for a month or so and when you do start back - do it very slowly. she is young and won't miss it now. with reflux lo's don't have to necessarily spit up - (my lo was the same - it's called silent reflux as your dd is swallowing it instead of letting it come up, ironically my dd was three weeks early also) what other meds is dd taking? is she taking zantac at all? if so, it is very weight oriented and if it is one of her meds she may need the dosage upped - i know dr's in canada and the u.s low ball the dosage and most times it needs to be somewhat to a lot higher. my dd was also very attached to me - wouldn't go to anyone - but when you are feeling sick who is more comforting than mommy?...sorry daddy but it is true. i think you will def find that once she is feeling better that it will change   have you done non - medicating things to help lo as well? slanting the crib? sitting upright for feedings? sitting upright after feedings? nursing small amounts more often (i know it goes against the easy routine but you do what you gotta do for now to comfort lo)? burping more often? if you go to the reflux board here they will be able to help you a lot! and to be honest i didn't get a good night's sleep for over 6 months - even once her reflux was controlled i still fed her many times throughout the night b/c i felt so bad for what she had to go through for the first months of her life.  i do think dd is waking often due to gas or discomfort/habit/and perhaps being overtired.

work on one thing at a time though. your lo's comfort is most important right now. i would def stop with the solids and make an appt with the dr about the meds not working. as far as the eczema i don't have any suggestions on that as i have never had to deal with it but i am sure if you posted on the  health and special needs board they would be able to help you there. like i was saying though - make lo comfortable that is the best thing you can do right now and as far as wakings is concerned - just go with it right now - hate to say it - but with everything going on kinda comes with the territory. once lo is feeling better then you can start with the fun of weaning night feeds, and sleep training for naps/nights, etc..etc..oh  and don't feel bad about the co-sleeping - i did it too and was another habit that wasn't soo easy to break but after months and months of sleeplessness something had to give - don't be too hard on yourselves - you are only human too!

a prop is something that lo's depend on you for - ei a soother needing to be put back in afte lo spits it out at night (i fell vicitm to this too...i was sooo accidental parent prone - but how can you not when you don't know what else to do to help your lo?!) anyway, a lovie is a blanket, bear, etc. i did also use the t shirt idea and it went over really well -instead of a blankie she still sleeps with my ragged tshirt to this day!

i hope i have answered some of your questions - i feel for you i really do - been there and know how frusterating/tiring/draining/disheartening it really is...but it does get better - there is a light at the end of the tunnel - although you probably can't even imagine seeing it right now - there is! and i do believe you came to the right place as there are so many caring, loving and experienced moms (..and dad's...!) here that will be more than happy to help you out. if you need any more clarification or have more questions pls let me know! give that sweet girl a big hug for me! take care!

[BabyBsMommy]

I found it was really helpful to read Tracy's 2 books, the secrets of the baby whisperer and the baby whisperer solves all your problems.  from there, I understood how to start many things and then looked to the website for clarifications and advice on how to "tweak" techniques!  I watch the show too, and I find I feel I  need a little more specific info than what it always shows.

Keep it up - you sound like such caring and patient parents - things will work their way out!

[Terryv]

Hi,

Thanks so much for replying to my post, I am so glad I looked this website up, its most reassuring to find others dealing with similar problems, the doctors and health visitors are driving us crackers with their inconsistency.

We were referred to the paediatric unit at our hospital today so have been there for most of the evening, they have diagnosed an allergy/intolerance to Mum's milk so we are having to move on to a formula starting now (eek, what a relaxing weekend we have coming up !). We were contemplating weaning onto a bottle this weekend whilst we both have 4 days at home to deal with it properly.
This intolerance is allegedly causing (or exacerbating) the eczema which is quite frankly driving the little one nuts. I am not even sure if the reflux is a problem now because she is so distressed trying to scratch herself to pieces that any other effects are hidden. There is no doubt we have to deal with this first as anything else would be a waste of time I think. Totally agree with you on dealing with one matter at a time, we have found ourselves with several problems with Alyssa and its really snowballed on us to the point that we didn't really know where to turn.

The paediatrician has recommended continuing with the solids for now but to keep it very simple (single vegetables etc), no wheat or dairy type foods. Thats no problem and to be honest, she absolutely LOVES her solid food, the first spoonful of anything new brings a bit of a grimace but after that, no problems at all.

We tried to use a dummy/pacifier for Alyssa when she was much younger, she would only ever suck on it a little bit if she was getting hungry but would spit it out at the first opportunity. I am toying with going back to puttig one of Mums t-shirts in the cot over this weekend, perhaps it will reduce the trauma of weaning a bit. The cot is tilted as well.

I completely know what you mean about Mummy being preferable to Daddy when the little one doesn't feel well, it became apparent very early on so I have adjusted to that. I do wish I could make it better but short of badgering the doctors and supporting my wife, I think thats about as far as it go's right now.

Your comment about being overtired is particularly interesting, when Alyssa was born, we had all sorts of visitors at all times of the day wanting to see her and cuddle her. We sometimes let her stay awake a bit later when this occured which with hindsight was a mistake. We started to pay more attention to this and now (reflux and eczema permitting) we are quite rigid in putting her to bed at about 7.30pm. If visitors come now and she is asleep or it is getting time for bed, its too bad and they have to come back another time. I think it is paying off because as long as she is comfortable, she will normally sleep until about midnight without waking, its after she has fed at midnight that the problems start though. Still, its important not to lose sight of what is going well I think, otherwise your perspective of performance as a parent doesn't hold up well.

Anyway, thanks again for replying to my message, much appreciated.

Happy Easter,

Terry, Sairah and Alyssa

[Ennypen]

Hi Terry

I have answered one of your other posts about your daughters skin.. but I wanted to pop on here too and send you all my support and best wishes.

I sincerely hope that the drs are right and that they have found the root cause of your daughters discomfort. If it is indeed the allergy they described and their recommendations work I bet she will soon be feeling more comfortable and will being to sleep more peacefully and for longer periods of time.

One of the things I will never forget about when I joined this forum is someone posted "This too shall pass" - I still tell myself this when I am struggling with William.. no matter what we are facing... someday soon we will look back on it and it will be a memory not a reality.

You sound such a supportive and caring hubby and daddy - keep up the good work and do as you say - remember the things that are going well and pat yourselves on the back for them.

Helen
(and William!)

[Terryv]

Thanks Helen and William,

Today went OK, Alyssa absolutely hates the formula (Nutramigen), mind you, Sairah and I tried it as well and it is truly revolting !  However, when mixed up with some banana, hey presto, Alyssa ate it off of a spoon.
Not exactly where we hoped to be but a good step in the right direction, we are going to try and blend the formula and banana very fine to see whether it can be drunk from a bottle, failing that its back to a spoon.

Still, a dolly step forward.

I have to say, I think I can trace our mistakes back to a single event, our health visitor told us not to give Alyssa a bottle until 6 weeks had passed by. I think on reflection that this was way way too late and we should have used a bottle as well much earlier. Still, a lesson learned should there be a second baby.

The best part of today, Alyssa is just starting to giggle, she has only done it once or twice before but did it again this afternoon (in a quiet time between the attempts with the bottle). Brought a big smile to our faces.

Anyway, thanks again for your support.

Terry, Sairah and Alyssa

[Ennypen]

Aw I am glad there has been a little step forward.. may there be many!
The sound of a babies giggle is the best in the world isnt it!

[BabyBsMommy]

I'm sure hearing those little giggles will give you the strength to keep at your problem solving!  Good luck!  She'll figure out the bottle soon enough, we did the same thing, waited past 6 weeks as we were "advised" it took a few weeks but now hour 14 week old is taking one like he has been doing it his whole life!

[Terryv]

Hi,

Absolutely, particularly on a day which had quite a lot of crying and thrashing about. She has only giggled for her Mum so far so I guess I must work on my comedy routine some more !

All well with you ?

Take care

Terry

[Terryv]

Hi BabyBsMommy,

I actually found out from a fairly reliable source today that one of the reasons our local hospital bash on so much about breastfeeding is that they in fact get a revenue stream based upon the number of Mums who leave the hospital breastfeeding as opposed to bottle feeding. We are all well aware of the health benefits and so on but I suppose this little revelation (if true) might explain why they don't dwell on how difficult it can be if you don't introduce a bottle early enough.

Glad you managed to get the transition sorted with your little one, we did try a bottle on occasion over the last month or two but Alyssa was totally not interested. She is now 21 weeks old and boy did we set ourselves a mountain to climb trying to swop over now.

I have also managed to get her to drink some diluted baby juice from one of those Haberman feeders today, she seemed to get the hang of it but her tongue keeps getting in the way, its got a mind of its own I think !  I know one thing, at 21 weeks, she most certainly knows what she does and doesn't like, god help us when she gets to be a teenager !! I'm doomed 

Take care,

Terry

[Ennypen]

Thats's really interesting.. I didn't know that hospitals had to keep the stats about who breast feeds and who doesn't.

I bottle fed William right from the start - not through choice, but through a chain of events that started with me having gestational diabetes and had to have insulin, he was born with low blood sugar so had to feed as soon as possible or be put on a drip. I fought against a drip when he just wouldn't breast feed bless him so gave permission for them to bottle feed him. He was bottle fed in the hospital from then on and nobody tried to persuade me otherwise, in fact noone even offered to help me to start breast feeding him at all.. hmmm. A Midwife who came out to the house to us when he was about 6 days old offered to help me but he just wouldn't and it resulted in him ane me being stressed out crying wrecks... so I gave up and he has been on bottles ever since.

Lol.. not sure why I splurged all that - I suppose in one way its to say I can see how stressful and difficult it can be to transition from breast to bottle - must confuse the little poppets no end.

I'm sure you will get it all sorted soon - us women are fairly adaptable when we try.. even at 21 weeks of age!

All is great here - thanks for asking - William is just getting ready for a visit from his grandparents and grand dogs!

H xx

[Terryv]

Hi,

Wow, Williams arrival must have been quite challenging for you guys by the sounds of it, low blood sugar and all. Allie had trouble breastfeeding for a little while and dropped in weight from 5 pounds 11 to 5 pounds 4 before getting the hang of it (just in time). Once it worked she put on 6 ounces a week consistently until the eczema/reflux problems kicked in at which time it started to go a bit haywire. Everyone was kinda worried about her as she was 3 weeks premature and as you can tell from the weights, quite small.

I look back on my situation before Allie arrived and realised I used to worry about things which no longer even enter my mind, I have now figured out what is actually worth worrying about and she is sleeping in the nursery as we speak !

As for the weaning, well we have had a fairly good day today, Allie has eaten quite well although getting anything approaching the right amount of formula in her is beyond impossible right now. We are probably getting between 6 and 8 ounces into her in the day as long as it is heavily disguised with banana. God knows how we are going to get this quantity up, she won't take it on its own.

Allie also drank a whole bottle of baby juice today, properly, from the bottle whilst sitting on her Mums lap. I have to say she looked quite pleased with herself afterwards. I think she could do it all along but decided to play with us !!

She also went out for a walk with Nanna and Grandad and was as good as gold for them.

So, all in all, not a bad day, a couple of bouts of screaming earlier on and a bit of an effort to get her to settle tonight.

One of the surprising things is that she seems to be settling much easier when I put her to bed, sleeping longer before waking and often settling herself during the night. She is also napping more often during the day but not for very long each time, little baby powernaps.

I cannot decide whether this is caused by the trauma of not snuggling up to Mum 7 times a day or whether she really was allergic to the milk and removing it is having this side effect. I do hope it is the latter.

I know what you mean about the depression thing, I think it is one of those things that can sneek up on you. Sairah was very worried early on when Allie wasn't feeding properly and started to lose weight.
I am also a bit concerned that stopping the feeding is bothering her as well although she perked up a whole lot when Allie drank a whole bottle of juice.

Anyway, that enough from me tonight. Hope you enjoyed your Easter.

Take care,

Terry

[Wiki]

Terry, just wanted to say I hope things are going better for you now.

Before I even got to the end of your first post I suspected an allergy to BM, as my friend's little girl is exactly the same and it was like reading her story. She has had that formula too and it does sound vile, although she has a different one now.

All the best,

Vic

[Terryv]

Hi Vic,

Thanks for replying to my post. The doctors have today changed their tune and said that we should be moving from breastmilk to formula only very slowly, this is contrary to their advice last Thursday which was to stop breastmilk straight away !

My wife started to breastfeed again a bit today (although the supply is much reduced thanks to 5 days of not doing it). Noticably tonight, Allie is much harder to settle and she also seems to have a lot more stomach discomfort and wind than she did over the weekend when breastmilk was not on the menu.

Sadly, despite the doctors reaching these conclusions, they have not yet conducted any actual tests to determine categorically that the milk is the problem. We have a fourth visit to the hospital tomorrow morning.

We are going to push very hard for them to actually do some tests (if there are any) to establish exactly what this allergy is so we can deal with it properly as opposed to randomly trying things which may or may not actually help or be necessary. Its upsetting enough for the little one as it is without having her supply of breastmilk switched on and off.

Anyway, we live in hope that tomorrow, two doctors may actually give the same advice.

Again, thanks for your post.

Terry, Sairah and Alyssa