*sob*

[shimmer]

I've been trying to extend my lo's naps for two weeks now!

I've tried wake to sleep, pat/sh, PU/PD.... I've spent the last 2 weeks in a darkened nursery with my arm falling asleep and my head on the side of her crib... and I'm falling apart.  Right now, DH is in there with her, failing miserably at trying to get her back to sleep.  He sent me out because, after 2 weeks, I can't handle it anymore.  Oh, sure.  I eventually get her back to sleep, however, I have to be in there the whole time.  No, she can't see me, but for some reason, I can never get her past the hump.

I'm bawling my eyes out as we speak because I'm so frustrated.  Reading the success stories does nothing for me but aggravate me even more.  I can't spend my "Y" time in her nursery, which is pitch black!  I would let her just take catnaps all day, but she is so cranky when I do that.  I've had to deal with colic since the end of December and now I'm having to deal with this!  Why is it that some of you have success after 2 or 3 days, and I've given my heart and soul to this and it's been over 2 weeks?! 

I'm at the end of my rope.  I tried CIO at night time a few weeks back, and it worked.  However, because her daytime sleep is so poor, we are back to about 6 or 7 wakings a night.  Her colic already burned me out, and because I have to sit next to her crib to get her to calm, I don't have any time to rejuvenate myself. 

What am I doing wrong?!  I'm a religious person, even, and feel abandoned by God.  Why can i not teach this child?!  I love her so much and have completely isolated myself in order to help her, and it doesn't work.  PLEASE help  me.  I come to these boards almost every hour on the hour, hoping... and praying... that someone can help me.  I try to extend her A time.... doesn't work.  I've tried moving bedtime earlier... she takes it like a nap.  I can't put her on 4-hour EASY, because that means that sometimes I'll feed her right before a nap, plus, the poor thing gets so upset if she wakes and it's not time to eat.

My mom and my inlaws say i should just leave her be... let her catnap all day.  But they don't see how cranky & miserable she is when I do that.  No one understands.  They aren't on my side at all with this because all they see is a mother who is burned out! with the effort.  It makes me ache inside.  When my lo was a month old, i started EASY.  After 4 days of failing, I took her to the pediatrician, because all my baby did was scream.  The dr. told me that she was too young for me to worry about schedules, especially since it was giving me an ulcer.  She also said that my lo had sever colic, and that there was no way this could work.  Now, she's 4 months, and, after a visit to the chiro. doing much better... but I can NOT fix her sleep habits to save eityher of our lives!  A month of trying... and failing.

Right now, she is screaming at the top of her lungs, and my dh can do nothing to help her.

PLEASE, PLEASE help me.  I cannot raise my child if I'm constantly crying!

[Mom to M&M]

Shimmer - I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Especially after months of colic I know this must be rough.

However, I think you need to try to stick to a 4-hour EASY and really give it time to work. Rather than one day trying more A time and next day less and next day early bedtime, pick a routine and really give it a full 2 weeks to see if it works. At your DDs age, I'd recommend no more than 2 hours A time. And in the morning, even less. So between wake time and first nap, maybe 1.75 hours and two hours tops for other A times. I also think the early bedtime is VERY important. She may well see it as just another nap at first - but if you keep trying and keep her in the dark room, do PU/PD, etc - she will eventually adjust.

Does she have a consistent wind-down before naps and bedtime? Does she take a pacifier? Do you use white noise?

BTW - as for feeding before a nap, IMO that is OK - AS LONG AS you don't feed to sleep. Just make sure to still read to her or cuddle and sing lullabies - anything to separate the feed out from sleep by at least 10 minutes. If she wakes early from a nap can you pop her in a sling or babycarrier and go for a walk or do chores in the house until it's time for her feed?

It may take longer for your DD since she did have such colic. Many babies don't even grow out of colic until closer to 5 months - so it really may just take patience and consistency until you get there.

Please just don't try CC or CIO again - as you know, Tracy strongly was against these practices, we can help you find gentler ways...

[shimmer]

ok - so how do I do this?

do I stick to lengthening the feeds for now?
do I keep trying to extend her naps?

I mean - should I just have a routine and just do it, even when she's cranky?  And how do I do  routine if their is no semblance of normalcy to it?  Ideas?

(the first time I tried BW about 3 months ago... I had to leave the boards because I was just too far gone with her colic and tired of having no success).

I'm going on a trip next week... should i wait until then, or should I try my best to simply feed her only every 4 hours...? 

[Mom to M&M]

They kind of go hand in hand. You can even try just 3.5 hours for now if you like instead of 4-hour EASY. What is your current routine?

[shimmer]

7:30/8 WAKE

9:30 NAP (try extending... usually give up at 11:00... but sometimes she falls asleep right before that... do i let her sleep)?

11 FEED

12:45 NAP (same as other nap)

2:15 FEED

4:15 CATNAP

5:30 FEED

6:15 CATNAP

8:30 FEED

9:00 BEDTIME

*the thing that frustrates me is that I've been so consistent in trying to extend her naps... and it hasn't worked.  What am I doing wrong?  Is it the paci?  I mean - I s'pose I could try to wean her from that - but then again, I'd be trying too many things at once.

/totally exhausted & confused.

I really stink at this motherhood thing.  All i know how to do is try to love her... and sometimes even that doesn't seem to work

[Mom to M&M]

You don't stink at this at all. It's obvious that you love your DD very much and are trying to help her and that makes you a fantastic mother.

I would wake her at 7 am if she's not already awake and start your day then. So the below would be ideal - but keep in mind that it WILL take time to get there.

7am Wake and Feed
8:45 Put in crib for Nap #1 - ideally sleep until 10:15

10:30 Feed
12:15 - Into crib for Nap #2 - ideally sleep until 1:45

2pm Feed
4pm - Into crib for catnap - Wake at 5pm if not awake yet. This doesn't have to be in crib - could alternatively be in stroller or sling, or swing, etc.

5pm Cluster Feed
6pm Bath
7pm Feed and Bedtime by 7:15/7:30 latest

Also - do you BF or formula feed? Does your DD still seem colicky?

I'm not a good one to address the paci issue - we don't use one here - my DD has always been a thumb sucker. Maybe someone else can address that?

[BabyBsMommy]

No way do you stink - you wouldn't care so much and be trying so hard to help your lo if you did!  You are so caring and loving to have stuck through all of this!
I can't relate to the colic but I can relate to the chronic sleep problems.  We put our now 15 wk old son on EASY at 7 weeks and after 3 long weeks we got him finally onto the 3 hour schedule with decent naps.  That went well for a week or two, then he had his first bad cold followed by a growth spurt and EVERYTHING went down the toilet! I felt like you - after being a prisoner in my home for 3 weeks trying to get it all ironed out, I was a prisoner again and everything we did to get him into the routine the first time just wasn't happening.  To top it all off, he went from sleeping for 5-6 hours straight when we put him down for bedtime at night (since 4 weeks) to waking up at 45 min like his naps (just as your little girl is doing!)
Finally, yesterday, I tried some of the tips in extending 3-6 month old naps, a thread at the beginning of this message area.  I started going in at 35 min yesterday and had to hold down his arms for a full 40 min before he was finally asleep. We got 1:45. 1:15 and 1:10 out of him but much like you, for those last two naps I had to stay the whole time.  He wouldn't take his catnap and we gave up on it so he was cranky at bedtime.  Went down at 8:15, woke at 9:00, took 20 min to get him back to sleep - an accomplishment, it has taken up to an hour over the past 2 weeks at this time!  This morning, his first nap ended at 45 min.  Second, I stayed in for 35 min and he finally went back to sleep.  I write all of that to let you know others are going through the same thing but stick with it and you'll start to see little improvements - you just REALLY have to be consistent!
Is your daughter spirited?  Our son is - to wind him down now, I carry him around in a snuggli for at least 20 min before his nap.  Then we quietly hang out in the nursury for 10 min.  He always starts to cry before I put him down so I sit in a chair and pat shh until he starts to nod off - at first it took a long time, now it's down to 5-10 min....
Maybe try to extend the A time with this snuggli carrying walk around the house?
Let us know how following that schedule given in response to your message goes.  I was looking at how to do this for my son, too as I think he's ready but I was also concerned, as you are, with how to do it with these short naps!
I think if it is time for E and then S right after, as long as you try to keep hier up 10 min or so past the feed, it should be ok because you are then still separating E and S.
I was going to wait to try this transition until after a trip we're taking in 2 weeks but I will start trying now, if you will!  I don't think I can handle things this way for another 3 weeks - after the past 3!!!!
Good luck, i'm thinking about you ((((HUGS))))

[RachelC]

shimmer-
I just want to let you know that you ARE a wonderful mother and trying to do the best for your little one.  You love her so very much and that is so obvious!  I know exactly how you feel and the tears that I have cried over the last 7 months attest to that.  I can tell you that it will get easier!  I have been in your shoes trying to no avail to extend those naps and for Jalyn it was maturity, but we stuck with it.  Just before the 6 month mark, she began getting the hang of the nap thing... and we had been working on it from the beginning.  I know what it is like to sob and sob (and then have my 3.5 year old console me when dh was at work).  I *made* dh take time off from work to help me out.  Do you have anyone (I know mom and in-laws don't agree with BW) that can help you out and sit with dd, or even play with her during awake time so you can go for a walk (or catnap).  It would really help you to find a moment to have to yourself... and know that dd will be ok for that moment.
I know I am rambling, but I want you to know that I really do know how you are feeling.  I've asked God the same questions.  I know for me, I have (still working on it) to accept that dd is touchy and her own person.  I am a "by the book" mom (with a type A personality) and dd1 was an angel baby and pretty much went along with "the book".  This is a whole new ball game for me.  PM me if you need/want more encouragement, or to talk.  I wish I could be there to help you along.  {{{{{{{{{{{{{huge hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
~Rachel

[tiki_mama]

you definately don't stink as a mother, because a bad mum wouldn't have spent 2 weeks sitting at her baby's cribside for hours trying to help the lo get more sleep.

raising a baby is hard, exhausting, frustrating, demoralising, lonely and at times you just want to scream the house down (this i have done!), but looking at the picture of your dd i'd say it's also worth every single minute  

there are plenty fabulous people on this forum who will help you...don't give up xx

[shimmer]

Thanks so much. I was just getting so frustrated when I would read the success stories... and thinking either I was just a failure or, well, the other thoughts were unkind about my dd.

Again - should i start trying this even though I'm going on a trip next week?  I'm willing to, but, if the trip will just make it worse... I GUESS I could wait *cry*

I do think she still has colic, although, not as bad since a visit to the chiropractor.  I mean, unless overtired cries sound just like pain....

I just get so frustrated.  Last year, I found out I was pregnant, and I was so excited.  Then, they said it was ectopic, and that she'd have to be terminated (I was devastated).  After 3 weeks, they found out she was actually in the right place, and I was so happy.  Then, 2 weeks after that, I was offered a role Off Broadway in NYC, and (even though it was my dream), decided that it was time to be a mom, and I was so ok with that.  Then I had 24/7 morning sickness for 25 weeks.  At 30 weeks, I got kidney stones.  And then, after 17 hours of labor, they did an emergency c-section.  When my lo showed signs of colic (not just colic - but COLIC) at 2 weeks, I just couldn't handle it anymore.  I just want a chance to love the little girl God blessed me with... but it's so difficult when I'm completely thrashed.

To top it all off - I think she's spirited... lol

The support you all just gave helped a lot.  I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who isn't experiencing the "3-day magic."

[Mom to M&M]

I do think overtired cries can sound like pain. And/or hunger. My DD is certainly that way.

Could her colic be caused by any food allergies? Or at least triggered/worsened by them?

Spirited LOs can get overtired quickily so I'd try the 3.5 hour EASY before going to 4-hour. No need to overextend her and get her very overtired. If you really think she's spirited, you may want to try even shorter A times for now.

[leahbeth]

Oh Shimmer,

Big hugs to you! I cried reading your posts today because I can feel your frustration! I know it doesn't help, but I too have felt so frustrated, angry, defeated and upset. I know what it is like to hear the success stories and to feel upset. I've battled sleep with my little spirited one (who also had colic for the first 14 weeks) and can relate to the frustration of watching other mothers simply lay their babies down and they fall asleep!!! I've asked, "Why me?" for the past 4 1/2 months. But... I'm learning, with the help of the support here, to accept the challenge I've been given...easier said then done..I know.
I wish I could give you an answer, but I'm also searching. I just wanted to say "Hang in there, you care so much and are trying so hard!" The only advice I can give is that I'm glad you are going to the chiropractor, that seemed to help our LO a little. Also, I didn't think an early bedtime was working for my LO because she would ALWAYs wake at least every 30 min. like nap time when we put her to bed. But after 3 weeks, she is slowly only waking only once if at all. Also, the nap monster has always arrived 30 min. into her sleep. I dedicated two weeks to not leaving the house and didn't see any improvements. Yet, it's been a month and sometimes she sleeps for an hour 1/2 and the other times not. I just think with some LOs it just takes longer, much longer! I have found that she can't go to 4 hour easy so she is on 3 1/2 hour EASY. I keep her up for 1 1/2 hours and then walk around the house with her, tidying up. Someone posted that this helped their Lo fall asleep quicker and it does seem to help here!
Please know that you are not alone!!!  Take care and keep going, you've worked too hard to stop now!!!!!! 

[BabyBsMommy]

I think you should start before your trip if you are going somewhere where you'll be able to continue with the routine.....  the sooner you can get some peace of mind, the better and you never know what a difference a week can make if the 3.5 EASY is what she needs!

[shimmer]

You guys are wonderful.

Could someone give me a good example of a 3.5 routine....?

I can't seem to make the math work... especially w/out adding a 4th nap.

[Kate A]

Oh how I was in your shoes, I am religious too and felt the same things.

Here's what seemed to work for me.  I battled 5 or 6 catnaps a day for 5 months and i thought I was going to go insane.  Finally at 7 months I can see some hope.

This is what helped me to be sane, it may contridict what others have said, but remember, you have to find what works for you.
First, I focused on one thing I could control.  Because where you are at, you feel out of control.  I focused on feeding.  I knew that at 4 months she was suppossed to move to 4 hours.  I tried it and it was chaos.  She was on 3 hours until 5 1/2 months until we started solids and moved to 4 hours. I chose then during nap crisis to have 5 feeds a day, close to 3 hours apart.  If you choose 3.5 that's fine. (I couldn't figure out the math either so I stuck with 3 hour)  Everyday I picked feeding times and I stuck to them. I hoped they were around wake time, but I was going to choose to not fall apart if they weren't. 

Then I planned to sit with her in the room, if it didn't work and I was frustrated, I would walk away, take a breath and bring her out of the room if that's what made me feel better.  I also made a choice at this point, per a friend's advice. I had to choose to base my days on something else besides her napping.  I couldn't let a bad nap day make a bad day for me.  Regardless of napping, everyday I had to find something good.  I had to write down a few days the things that I was thankful for.  I realized in the midst of all the planning and routine I was not enjoying her.  I decided while sitting in the rocking chair with her that I would let her nap on me some days if that is what made me calm.  Because a calm mommy creates a calm baby.  They can sense it.

You asked the question about planning/scheduling before your trip.  Interestingly enough, we took a trip at the same age your LO is and she was so tired she took a 2 hour nap.  I almost fell over.  And over the next 6 weeks she started to extend her naps.  By 7 months now she is napping great, well not great, but better.  She knows when she needs a long nap. and today she only took two!

I would move bedtime to 7 and skip that 6:15 naptime.  I decided to put her to sleep every night aroudn 7/7:30 and regardless of how much or how little she falls asleep. (this was another one of those things I needed to have be the same)

I didn't do anything, I just relaxed and realized that if she didn't do it today, she may do it tomorrow.  I have no tricks, I have no techniques, i just have the perspective of 2 months...she'll get there.  In the meantime, enjoy her, time flies and soon, she won't want to sit and cuddle.

I really hope this helps.  And I am so sorry. enjoy your vacation.