WEANING thread...Come and share your experiences and offer support.

[Ryan&HollysMom]

any way you can work on that 5am one??? 

at 11 1/2 mos our routine was the following:
7:30/8 BF (at 12 mos switched to bottle)
8:30 breakfast (offer drink)
10:30-12 nap
12:15 lunch (offer drink)
2:45 snack (+ a BF until about 11 mos old, the BF was before any food, even now he gets a bottle before snack)
3-4:30 nap
5:30/6 dinner (offer drink) - at 12 mos we added a bottle here to up his fluid intake
7:30 BF and bed

if i were you i'd look at different routines posted all over BW and see if there's one i could adapt to my family. that's what worked for me. i found that simply dropping one feed didn't work very well, i had to slightly adjust a few other things, tweak here and there, and within a day or so it worked.
good luck!
also am curious to see what other people will suggest!

[JKL]

Hi!  I don't know if I really have a question, or I just want to vent to someone that can empathize!  Here's my story:
  DS is 15 months old.  He is nursing 3 times a day (2 long times, and one quick sip mid-day.  He asks very frequently, but I can usually distract him at other times).  I absolutely love breastfeeding, and so does he.  We got off to a really rough start; I had 3 horrible cases of mastitis in the first 6 weeks of his life, and 3 or 4 other mild cases--not to mention tons of plugged ducts (the last one was just a week ago). Also, DS has always had a horrible time sleeping (at the worst--waking up every 20 min!!!)  Even now, he has his bad nights (up 3 hrs the night before last!)  Anyway, when he was about 9 months old, I started having these "episodes" where I'd feel completely exhausted and/or fuzzy headed--it didn't seem to matter if I'd gotten 4 or 9 hrs sleep the night before.  Then, it would go away--only to come back.  This odd cyclical thing has been going on for months (I also have gotten a few low-grade fevers--usually have a sore boob at these times, but no lump that I can feel).  Anyway, I've had tons of blood tests and I think every part of my body has been scanned.  Everything comes out normal.  1 Dr. suggested it might be the BF, but everyone else seems to think this can't be true, since I don't BF that much.  But, everything else has been ruled out, so, sadly, I've started the weaning process.
   The sad thing is that DS asks to nurse all of the time now (like he's sensing that it's coming to an end!!!) and gets very upset if I refuse.  I've been trying to sort of head him off by giving him a sippy of milk before I think he's going to ask to nurse (he likes cows milk--guzzles it right down--and then asks to nurse).  I am so torn--I really want to feel better, but I so want to keep nursing!  AAAHHH!
  Thanks for letting me vent.  See, I don't really have a question!


Jen

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Jen - I feel for you!  I hope this is the answer to your difficulties and you start feeling well again soon.  HUGS!

[Jenifer]

What does it look like when they're self weaning?

My DD is 13 months old and she's been taking less and less milk at her bedtime feed - and then tonight refused altogether.  At her morning feed she goes on and drinks for about 5 minutes and refuses the other side.

Isn't this a little early to self wean?  It could be teething because I know her teeth have been bothering her .. but I'm worried that in the meantime my supply will diminish and then she'll want it again soon.

On top of this - she hasn't taken to drinking cow's milk and my only saving grace was that she's still BF.  If she weans from BF then she won't be getting nearly as much milk as she's supposed to.

Oh, I'm not ready for this!   

[charity]

Well, Tonight is the 1st nite Im putting my LO to bed with no nursing. . . I just want to cry for a few hours what am I talking about . . I AM crying. . . what a very special bond and yet we all know it cannot go on forever.  She is almost 12mo and I told myself that her first year of bf would be our goal.  Needless to say, she did wonderful!  She weaned herself from all of her day feedings and so I only would bf at bedtime. . . I am soooo sad.  Anyone have any words to heal a broken mommys heart?

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Jenifer -it's possible that she's self-weaning, but it may be more likely a nursing strike due to the teeth - have you checked out the FAQ on that?  If you want to maintain her supply, then PUMP!  The FAQ has some good suggestions about to encourage her to nurse again, if possible:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=89418.0

Charity - all I can send you is {{hugs}}   I know how you feel - I remember it with my first...it's hard to believe that they don't feel as broken-hearted about it as we do...  You have given her an extraordinary gift and I have no doubt that your bonds will continue to be close and to grow in other ways now that she has passed this stage.  There will be lots of snuggles in both your futures.

[Jenifer]

I've done reading on weaning .. and I can't tell if she's weaning or if this is a strike.  I thought I should describe what she's doing so maybe you guys can help me ...

She has been gradually reducing her breastfeeding time (for about a month or so).  However, for the  past week she's refused 3 night feeds (the last two nights plus one night out of a bottle a few days ago when I was out).  She's also giving me a hard time at the morning feed. 

In the morning she'll dilly dally and then go on.  She drinks for about 4 minutes and then tells me she's done (sign language).  She's eager to get up and off my lap at this point.  I try to put her on the other boob and as soon as she sees it she starts getting a wiggly (trying to get down).  If I keep trying to put her on she'll cry.  If I persist she may go on.

At night she's just refusing. Won't even look at it. Not opening her mouth. Sucking her fingers. She will snuggle to my boob but not drink. 

What is she doing?  And, how should I respond?  I don't want to make BF a crying event every time but I'm also not convinced she's weaning. 

I really really hate to pump and I'm afraid I'm losing supply.  On the other hand, if she really is weaning then there's no point to me trying to keep my supply by pumping right?  I am so conflicted ..   

Please help.  TIA.

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Hmmmmm....not sure....

Do you offer solids first?  Is there a chance that she's just filling up on other stuff?  Are morning and bedtime the only times that you offer?  What sort of fluids is she getting otherwise?  You could try a "nursing holiday" and see if that has any effect...

[Jenifer]

Nursing holiday - never heard of it.  What is that?  Sounds like it involves pumping ..

She gets BF first thing in the morning.  She has dinner at 5pm and I offer BF at 7:15pm.  Those are the only times I offer BF.  If we're snuggling and she looks like she's interested I might offer it  - but she has always refused if its not "feed time."  I did go back to work part-time about a month ago .. I don't think that has anything to do with this.  Although I don't really know.

She doesn't really drink much cow's milk .. she drinks about 8 oz a day of water.  That's it (no juice).

Is it normally pretty clear if they're weaning? 

[Samuel's mum]

Jenifer - Erin asked me for my take on your situation. Hope that's OK.
Although 13 months is definitely the young end of the spectrum I think self-weaning is a possibility. If it was teething I would expect her not to be nursing for even those 5 minutes and if she was stopping I would expect it to be clear it's due to discomfort whereas she's calmly indicating with sign language and getting down. She doesn't sound distressed or in pain. It sounds as though this reduction has happened reasonably gradually over a month (and she's only been having 2 feeds for a while?). It sounds as though she's pretty actively resisting some of your efforts. It sounds as though when you are offering skin-to-skin she's choosing just to snuggle instead of nurse. I think all you can do is continue to offer gently but I think at the end of the day she knows what she wants. Do you use any pain meds for the teething? You could perhaps try meds just before bedtime.
However if you'd said she was 2yr+ I'd say it was self-weaning for sure. I think it does fit a pattern of self-weaning but just that she's young.
It doesn't sound as though you enjoy pumping much but you may find she will drink ebm from a cup until you've got your head round what you might give her as a breastmilk substitute. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear - I'd be happy to be proved wrong.

Charity - enormous hugs. I hope you feel incredibly proud of what you have given her.

[Jenifer]

Thank you for your response.

In answer to your questions: she went down to 2 feeds a month ago and I tried some Tylenol last night 30 minutes before bed and she still refused.  I was out a few nights ago and my mother tried giving her EBM in a bottle as well and she flatly refused that too.  That was the first feed she outright refused. 

She hasn't taken to cow's milk either - I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

I was really hoping to BF much longer than this .. 

[Samuel's mum]

I'm so sorry.

I think you shouldn't completely give up hope. But I also think its important not to keep trying too much when she declines as she may come to have a negative association if she's worried about being pressured. Continue having skin to skin time and you could offer gently but let it go. But as you said your supply may not hang around without some stimulation.
It's not uncommon for nurslings not to take to cow's milk - it's a lot less tasty. She may take a fruit milkshake or a dairy based smoothie.

As Erin asked - what's her solids intake like? Does she like yoghurt and cheese?

[Jenifer]

She eats solids well.  She has a big breakfast (ie: cereal, fruit & yogourt), a decent lunch (ie: cheese cubes, fruit / veg, crackers, lunch meat), snack at 2pm (ie: cottage cheese or a cereal bar) and is less hungry at dinner (ie: pasta w/ veg & meat, fruit).  Do you think she's eating too much food?  She drinks about 8 oz a day of water (nothing else really).

Does it make sense why she would refuse a bottle of EBM though? 

I'll continue to offer the breast and hope that this is a temporary thing.

Thank you so much for your help.

[Jenifer]

She has refused her morning feed this morning.     
It doesn't make sense .. she hasn't eaten in 15 hours .. she should be hungry 

I was not prepared for this - I am just so sad and disappointed.  I can't help thinking this is because of something I did (went back to work or tried to get her to drink cows milk and she developed a negative association for milk ??).  I think about those health benefits for BF your toddler and think I'm going to feel guilty if she ever has allergies or a serious illness because I couldn't breastfeed her longer.  I know that sounds stupid but that's what I'm feeling right now. 

I'm going to still offer to BF in the days ahead and see if she wants it.  How long before I really dry up?  What if she decides in a week that she wants it again .. will it still be there?  I've read of women still having milk (even months later), but does that mean they could BF?

[Samuel's mum]

Although some women do find themselves producing small amounts of milk after a long gap - I think the reality for most is that it only takes a few days (and sometimes even less) for supply to be diminished to the point of not being able to sustain a feed. It really is all about supply and demand. If that sounds too awful to risk and you hate pumping you could practise a bit of hand expression - some people find this much easier. If she ever does show interest in the future you could work on relactating with some focused pumping over a few days.

I really really doubt any of this is because of anything you did. Even if you tied her down and syringed cow's milk into her that would have had a sudden nursing strike effect rather than the gradual reduction over a month you've described. The reality is that she won't link drinking cow's milk with breastfeeding - there actually isn't that much in common about the 2 experiences and they don't taste the same.

She is 13 months - you've given her an enormous amount to protection and benefits. I don't think stopping now will put her at risk. You are in the minority to get to 13 months - a very small minority. You should rejoice in your success. And when you look back hopefully you will do so with pride.

If she doesn't want to drink ebm you could consider using it in cooking or in making a smoothie or milkshake. This might be partly about her asserting independence e.g in refusing the bottle of ebm when offered. You could try leaving a bottle in her reach (it's good at room temp for at least 4 hours) and she may choose to pick it up herself.