Author Topic: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed  (Read 1974 times)

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Offline jsorrow24

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3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« on: April 19, 2006, 17:15:12 pm »
I have posted something on this before. I have really been trying to stay consisitent with my almost 4 year old dd and put her to sleep in her own bed. Our routine with her got off track when our ds arrived on Jan 3. She then began coming to our bed and out just pure exhaustion and not feeling like taking her back to her bed we would let her stay. Well, for the past 2 weeks we have been making her go back to her bed.

But the real issue here is her waking up at least 2 to 3 times a night coming to our room. We are already losing sleep from 3 month old still waking once a night. She wakes more than he does! What can we do to get her to stay in her bed if she wakes. She says she can't sleep by herself. How long will I need to keep putting her back in her bed??

Desperate for sleep,

Jennifer


Offline RachelC

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2006, 17:30:29 pm »
Jennifer,
I know how taxing this situation can be.  The best thing to do is to keep it up.  When she comes over at night take her back to her bed and simply say "good night" and leave.  If you don't make a big deal about it, eventually the novelty will wear off.  I just read an aritcle in Parenting magazine with the same issue.  Stick with it and make the return to bed as dull as possible; no lights, no conversation, etc
HTH
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Offline alyssa1

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2006, 18:43:10 pm »
Stick with it and do it as many times as it takes - she will get it eventually.  I would take turns - 2 nights you do it, 2 nights your husband.  Do say anything other than it's time to sleep and take her back - it will work if you consistently do it  :)

Offline jsorrow24

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2006, 18:45:20 pm »
We will keep at it then. The only thing I say to her is "let's go back to your bedroom and get in bed" then when she is in there I tuck her in and say "goodnight".

We do take turns and I guess we will just have to hang in there  ::)

Thanks!

Jennifer


Offline imsmum

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2006, 19:07:31 pm »
what about a reward system?  You know stickers for every night she stays in her bed and then a treat after one week of staying there.  My older dd, who is quite persistent, did this for quite a while and what worked for us was explaining that dh and I were getting very grumpy with her during the day because we were so tired from her waking at night.  Sometimes depending on the child, especially at this age persistence is not enough--they need to realise that there is something in it for them if they change their behaviour.  You may want to have the special treat as an activity just with mum as part of the night visits may be because of insecurity with the new baby arriving.

Offline jsorrow24

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2006, 20:14:19 pm »
I have tried explaining that mommy gets grumpy when I don't get sleep and that she needs to stay in her bed. I have rewarded her before, but stopped. I need to find something that really works for her. She likes money, but I don't want to go broke you know?? lol We used $1 for potty training when she did number 2 and it worked really well. We had tried stickers, candy, toys and that did not do the trick. Money works with her.

I will see what I can come up with.

Thanks!

Jennifer


Offline alyssa1

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2006, 22:12:26 pm »
Hey whatever works right.  If she likes money than I would say she's really smart  :) :)

Offline jsorrow24

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2006, 22:35:59 pm »
She is a smart cookie. She still thinks she should get a dollar after doing number 2 even though its been a good while since she has perfected going to the potty.  :)


Offline Gill Chapman

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2006, 19:15:54 pm »
My oldest daughter still gets up through the night and wanders through to our room.  We just take her back, tuck her in and walk out again.  She normally wants a sip of water or her CD switched on.  I tried to stop the sip of water, but thinking about it, we often need a little drink through the night.  Plus she has never ever had any 'accidents' in bed so I don't see that it is spoiling anything.  Most of the time I can get her to bed and go straight off to sleep again.  If the baby gets up though, it used to take a good while to get her off but thanks to the advice on this board, she is getting much better!!!!
She learnt quickly that she cannot sleep in bed with Mammy and Daddy though she did push her luck for a while.  Like yourself it was easier to just let her in.  Especially when I was expecting the second baby.  I was just so tired it was easier to cuddle her in my bed and leave her there.  I won't be starting that with Sarah.  I will have to start the way I intend to go on with her!!!
She will get used to staying there very soon I hope.  Good luck
 :) 


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Offline jsorrow24

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2006, 19:20:24 pm »
Gill, your daughters are beautiful. I have really stuck to it this past week or so and made her go back to her room. But the past two nights she has been with my mother (her gradma) who lets her sleep in the bed with her. So, I am sure she will still want to sleep with someone when she stays at home tonight. I think that's why she loves staying with grandma and grandpa so much.   ;)


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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2006, 19:27:13 pm »
We had this problem for a long time with my ds who is now almost 3. My take on it, is to "yes" be consistent with returning back to bed if that's what you want (if you were happy with her in your bed, well you could just go with that option). My ds was also waking up more times than my dd and it was so frustrating. One thing you could probably consider is that if they feel that their needs aren't being met during the day (which while we might think we're doing every thing humanly possible to meet two children's needs), for them it still might not be enough, and until that can be better satisfied, the night wakings might continue as it can be their way of getting what they emotionally need at that time. I would continue to respond as you are, return to bed etc and also during the day try and up the amount of time and quality of time that you give to her. I know an automatic response here is to say "but I do everything I can already" and I totally understand that, but I found a really dedicated 20mins at the start of the day in complete child-led play really goes a long way towards them feeling like they're getting mum's full attention. Involve her in everything you possibly can, keep her nearby, baby her if needed etc, do this for a week and see if it helps to change things around. My ds only started to sleep through again in the last couple of months.

Good luck.

Offline cjwagner77

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2006, 17:55:25 pm »
Just a thought about the rewards.  What if you tried the fake money instead of real money?  Then she could "cash" it in for something - going to get a toy or time with you.

Crystal
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Offline Gill Chapman

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Re: 3.5 year old will not stay in her bed
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2006, 14:06:55 pm »
If you really want your children to stay in their own beds, then everyone must be doing the same thing.  They will get confused if you are trying to stop them coming in your bed, then Grandma is letting them do exactly that. 
Lanie looks like the doting big sister by the way!!!!
 :)


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