HOW MANY TIMES DOES YOUR BABY WAKE IN THE NIGHT ASKING FOR BREAST?

[SPACECAKE]

HI EVERYBODY!
I WRITE FROM ITALY I'M TOTALLY NEW IN THIS FORUM AND SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH....
MY BABY IS 6 MONTHES, HE WAKES UP 4 TIMES IN THE NIGHT FOR BREAST...NOW I STARTED THE PU/PD STUFF FOR THE NAPS IN THE DAY, CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME ADVICE TO MAKE HIM SLEEP ALL NIGHT?DO YOU OFFER BREAST EVERY TIME HE/SHE ASKES OR ARE YOU TRYING TO STOP?
THANK YOU ALL

[gavinsmum]

My DS is also 6 months and doesn't wake at night at all anymore.  He gets a dream feed at 10 pm and doesn't BF again until after 6 am.  My advice would be to slowly take the feeds away.  Be sure your LO is getting enough durring the day, but just stop offering it at night.  I have an angel baby, so not feeding at night wasn't much of a struggle, but I knew that when he was waking he wasn't waking to eat.  He ate very often so I knew he wasn't hungary.  I was rocking him to sleep.  Now that he puts himself to sleep at night he doesn't wake in the middle of the night at all.  Good luck, hopefully you'll be sleeping more soon.

[DixieDot]

When I wanted to encourage my first to stop waking at night, when I knew she was getting enough in the day and was waking out of habit, I just cuddled her back to sleep for two nights and she didn't wake anymore. 
Others suggest offering cooled boiled water instead of milk so they get the message it isn't worth the effort of waking up.
Finally, a friend got her husband to deal with her babies when they woke so they couldn't smell her milk.  He found it much easier to resettle them than she would have.
Good luck and keep at it.

[Samuel's mum]

I'm sure you will be able to make some changes. However many babies at 6 months do still feed at night at least once so don't feel too sad if one feed seems to remain whatever you do. I can understand why you may not want 4 though!
Have a look at this discussion on when babies sleep through:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=55035.0

I would begin by encouraging him to fall asleep without the breast for naps and at the beginning of the night? Are you familiar with E.A.S.Y?

[SPACECAKE]

"I would begin by encouraging him to fall asleep without the breast for naps and at the beginning of the night? Are you familiar with E.A.S.Y?"




UNTIL 2 MONTHES AGO HE WAS A PERFECT E.A.S.Y. CHILD, THEN SOMETHING CHANCHED...MAYBE BECAUSE COLICS, I STARTED PUT HIM IN THE BED WITH ME DURING THE NIGHT, THE MORE HE STAYED IN BED, THE MORE HE ASKED FOR BREAST.I DID A GREAT MISTAKE. SO NOW I STARTED AGAIN PUTTIG HIM  IN HIS BED AFTER BREAST.NOW HE WAKES ABOUT 4 TIMES, I TRIED TO GIVE HIM CAMOMILE OR DUMMY BUT HE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING, HE CRIES SO MUCH UNTIL HE CAN HAVE HIS BREAST.BUT HE'S NOT HUNGRY, BECAUSE AFTER ONE MINUTE HE'S AGAIN SLEEPING. DURING THE DAY IS EASIER, BUT WHEN THE NIGHT COMES, HE STARTS BEING SO UPSET, SEEMS TO FEEL ASLEEP THEN SUDDENLY WAKES UP LOOKING ALL AROUND AND STARTS CRYING.I KNOW HE WANTS THE BREAST, BUT I TRY TO RELAX HIM OTHERWAY, BUT HE DOESN'T SLEEP, STAYS AWAKE UNTIL IT'S TIME TO EAT(3 HOURS FROM THE OTHER BF).THEN HE FALLS ASLEEP ON THE BREAST. I FEEL A TOTALLY UNSUCCESSFULL MOTHER .HE STAYS AWAKE RATHER THAN SLEEP WITHOUT THE BREAST.MAYBE YOU HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE THAN ME PLEASE HELP ME......

[daisymelan]

You are very successful.  Don't be hard on yourself.  {{{hugs}}}} to you.

How long have you been putting him back in his own bed?  It will take time to get everything sorted.  You have made a great start by putting him back in his own bed.  That is the foundation for sure.

Have you tried a pacifier?  If all he needs is the sucking action, you could offer one, or possibly a drink from a sippy cup?

My son loved this small stuffed animal he had and he would suck the nose like a pacifier, anything you have that may work similarly?

Also, you need to break the nurse to sleep association.  Make sure he is awake when you put him down for naps and night sleep.

Hang in there dear.

[SPACECAKE]

MY BABY HATES THE PACIFIER, FOR 6 MONTHES I TRIED TO GIVE HIM IT, BUT EVERY TIME I TRY HE THROWS IT AWAY, OR PUT IT IN MY MOUTH.
NOTHING SEEMS TO CONSOLE HIM. TODAY FOR HIS NAP I HAD ABOUT 20 PU/PD, THEN HE FELT ASLEEP IN HIS BED. IT WORKS ONLY IN DAYTIME, IN THE NIGHT INSTEAD, HE IS SO UPSET AND STAYS AWAKE UNTIL MIDNIGHT.I FEEL THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD WHO HAS A SON THAT STAYS AWAKE SO LONG.
THEN ALL MOTHERS I KNOW SAY THEIR CHILDREN SLEEP FROM 9 PM TO 8 PM CONTINUOSLY.AND LOOK AT ME LIKE I HAVE A SPOILTBABY.I'M A LITTLE DEMORALIZED

[Kimberly®]

Please don't be so hard on yourself {{{HUG}}} Your doing and have done the best you could, no one can expect more. 20 PU/PD is a really great start. I agree you need success with naps, work at one waking at a time. At night it can be harder because you are also in need of sleep. Is there anyone there who can assist you? Even just for a few days? Don't be afread to tell people you need help. I'm sure they'll help you in anyway they can. You have to take care of you aswell.
What I think you should try is to get a small blanket or stuffed toy thats your LO can cuddle and chew on, get 2 of the same, sleep with them for a night so they get your smell on them. Everynight you give him one and sleep with the other. This is called a Lovey. Its a comfort item, by it having your smell it may have comfort him more. When you take a prop away, you need to replace it with something else.
I would advise you see if you can get anyone to help you, even just for a few nights, because your LO can smell your milk its making him more agitated and thats why its very hard for you at night. Hang in there, it will work. The key may just be distraction.
Your LO is to old to start with a paci now without it becomeing a prop. Try encouraging him to either use a Lovey, or his hand to suck on for comfort.
Your LO is not spoiled. Your doing great.
The biggest thing I can tell you is to stop listening to other people. There is nothing wrong with your LO and given time he to will start to sleep longer. You have some accidental parenting to fix, but nothing you can't do. I have full confidence in you.

[Samuel's mum]

Ignore the people who say their babies sleep from 9pm to 8am. Either they are lying (which is more common than you think!) or not breastfeeding or not being very sympathetic! It has nothing to do with 'spoiling' a baby. Babies aren't bowls of milk. They don't get 'spoilt'. Especially by love and nursing.

Your baby is using your breast to help him fall back to sleep. He is getting into a lighter sleep several times during the night (as all adults and children do) and is waking up and has not learnt how to go back to sleep without the breast. This is something that has been going on with babies for centuries. Babies are doing it all over the world right now. BUT that doesn't mean you have to live with it if you don't want to!

Have a look at this information about a 'gentle removal plan'

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0.

Here is an extract in more simple language:

baby is awake and nursing
babys eyes close and his sucking slows
you gently remove your nipple
baby looks for your nipple (moving his mouth open towards you)
try holding the chin gently - if he is still only wanting breast
you put him back to the breast
count: 1thousand, 2thousand,... ten thousand
you gently remove your nipple
baby looks again
try chin again
you put him back to the breast
count :1thousand, 2 thousand,... ten thousand
you gently remove your nipple
baby looks for breast again
you put him back to the breast
count: one thousand, two thousand,... ten thousand
you gently remove your nipple
baby moves a little, and you gently hold his mouth closed
baby doesn't resist, he is nearly asleep
you place baby in bed
he goes to sleep


With this method the final falling asleep is without the breast in his mouth. Over time you stop nursing when he is a little bit more awake, then a bit more, then a bit more. Until one day he stops nursing when he is awake and then settles down to sleep by himself. Then in the night if he wakes up he 'knows' how to fall asleep without the breast.

The whole process may take a few days or even a couple of weeks.

Although this description is not from a baby whisperer book, in the baby whisperer for toddlers Tracy describes a very similar approach so I know it is something she believes can work.

One more thing....You say he is awake until midnight. Is he uncomfortable with gas? If he is on solid food - could something be making him uncomfortable?
Is it possible he has teeth coming? This would also explain why he wants to suck and why he stays awake.

What I think you should try is to get a small blanket or stuffed toy thats your LO can cuddle and chew on, get 2 of the same, sleep with them for a night so they get your smell on them. Everynight you give him one and sleep with the other. This is called a Lovey. Its a comfort item, by it having your smell it may have comfort him more.

I think this suggestion is a good one. He is a good age to introduce a 'lovey'.

Sorry this was long!

[SPACECAKE]

One more thing....You say he is awake until midnight. Is he uncomfortable with gas? If he is on solid food - could something be making him uncomfortable?
Is it possible he has teeth coming? This would also explain why he wants to suck and why he stays awake.



THANK YOU ALL,I REALLY NEEDED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE CAN UNDERSTAND!
UNTIL NOW HE HAS NO TEETH.I STARTED GIVING SOME VEGETABLES AT 12 AM,AND SOME FRUITS, SOMETIMES I SEE HE HAS COLICS, SOMETIMES I HAVE TO GIVE HIM DROPS,BUT IT DOESN'T HAPPEN ALL NIGHTS, ABOUT ONCE A WEEK, SO I THINK THE REAL PROBLEM IS STILL HE WANTS TO SUCK BECAUSE IS TOO UPSET.IT'S LIKE HE WAS AFRAID OF ME GOING AWAY, HE HOLDS ME TIGHT,HE DOESNT WANT TO STAY WITH HIS FATHER, NOT EVEN 5 MINUTES SO I CAN GO TO BATHROOM.....
I DON'T KNOW WHY HE HAS TO BE SO FRIGHTENED, I NEVER LEFT HIM TO GO NOWHERE, I KEPT HIM ON MY KNEES EVEN TO THE DENTIST'S.

[Samuel's mum]

I would suggest you keep a food diary just to see if you can recognise any patterns between what he eats and his behaviour at night.
His fear of separation that you describe is also very natural. He has just realised that you and he are separate people. He may not yet realise that you 'exist' if you are in another room. It's all pretty difficult for them to understand. This phase doesn't last forever. I would have a go at the gentle removal plan and see what happens.

[daisymelan]

My son was great during naps and awful going down for night sleep.  The key for me was to keep him up longer.  I used to struggle to get him down for 2 hours and finally I just decided to let him stay up and stop fighting him.  Guess what?  He went down like an angel.

I'm not saying that's the answer for you, but it may be worth a try.

[DixieDot]

I just want to give you some encouragement.
You are loving your little boy and that is a wonderful thing to do.  You are not spoiling him, you are making him grow and feel loved which makes him a very lucky baby.  Bravo to you.
I felt so angry when I read what you are told about other babies sleeping from 8 until 9 or whatever it was, and that you feal a failure because yours doesn't.  I hate to say this but some women lie.  I don't know why and I certainly don't do it, but I realised long ago that to some people parenting is a competition so they can't possibly not be the best. I feel so let down by such women as we should support and nurture each other rather than add to feelings of inadequacy by telling lies.  Ignore it all. 
The truth is all babies are difficult to look after and everyone finds it a challange to some extent.   I believe that those who have doubts about what they are doing and try to find a way to do it better are to be applauded as it shows they care and want to do everything they can for their baby/child.  They care more about their little one than looking good to others.
We used to have our first born sleep with us -It was quicker than trying to get her back to sleep in her cot as I couldn't face the lack of sleep any longer and I guess this is the reason you fell into this too.  When I finally got around to trying to break her of the habit it was difficult but I stuck at it.  I did the PU/PD and would estimate it took about 6 weeks before she slept through each night.  I had about a week of  it taking a while to settle her and then things gradually got better.  I should add she was over 2 years old at this time so she will be different to your baby I'm sure.
Please read what TH suggests  to help you to get him used to his own bed and to sleep without feeding, and follow it as best you can (or use someone else's plan if it appeals to you more).  Sleep in the day when he naps while it is taking a while to settle him at night so you are not feeling awfully tired.  You will be able to get him sleeping better and without needing the breast to get to sleep, you really will.  And when you have, please give yourself a big pat on the back for what you did and recognise that it was yet another wonderful thing you did as a mum.
You are not alone.  For all those people who make you feel inadquate there are hundreds of mums struggling to do the best for their kids, just like you.
Big hugs to you.

[rosie and joe's mummy]

i am very lucky, since she was 8 weeks my baby hasn't woken in the night for the breast. she's fed last at 10.30 (dreamfeed) and then wakes at 6am for the first morning feed.  I am not lying about that, but i appreciate how lucky i really am with her. she's been a star in that respect.

she doesn't sleep much at all during the day though, i think i have the good nights at the expense of good daytimes. i have no time to m,yself during the day, no time for housework or relaxation, because she simply isn't interested in sleeping. she doesn't even sleep in the car unless you're driving for over an hour (which in the UK is not very frequent) and even then she wakes as soon as you stop.

You might feel jealous of me because she sleeps so well at night, but I'm jealous of people whose babies sleep well during the day!  I still have to get all the rest of the house and things done and end up doing it all once she's gone to sleep, so i still get no rest in the night until after midnight.

You are doing what your baby needs, they are, as already mentioned by everyone else, all different. I bet if i have another he'll not be anywhere near as good as rosie is at night, but maybe he'll be a daytime sleeper.

[CaedensMama]

Just wanted to add some ((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) - you are a great mother and you are doing good for your son!
It will help in the long run to work thru this and you will and it won't happen overnight, it takes time.
Trust me - I know!

My son is almost 11 months and we are sill nursing at 10 and sometime between 3-5. I had various things come up in our lives and I couldn't add working with the night sleep - it is so much easier to take 10 minutes and feed them  rather then work thru it. I am just getting to the point where we will work on getting all the way thru the night.
Just wanted to encourage you by letting you know - you aren't the only one out there dealing with it!
I would encourage you to just work on one feed at a time, maybe that 1-2 am -ish feed first -
what I do is go in and hold him for a minute and tell him it is still nighttime and then lay him back down. He does take a paci and that helps, but in the long run it may better to not, so don't worry that your LO doesn't! He usually lets out a scream and cries for about 30 seconds and then is asleep. The first couple times he cried for maybe 5-10 minutes, but went to this 30 seconds pretty quick. It worked for us and I found for us, me staying in there just prolonged it and he did better when I walked away and he was able to settle pretty quick.
Hope that helps - let us know how you are doing and if you have any more questions!