Ready to give up - need some encouragement!!

[Finns mum]

I started the EASY routine with my 1 month old just over a week ago, but am really struggling. I didn't expect it to be easy (no pun intended!) and I knew it wouldn't work miracles straight away, but I would have expected to see at least some improvement by now and I did at least hope things would be better than before - as it is, I just feel really stressed. Before we started EASY, he fed when he felt like it, woke up when he felt like it and fell asleep when & where he wanted. Now he often falls asleep long before he's 'due' and rarely sleeps when I try to put him down, despite being obviously tired. I t feels like I spend all day in the nursery swaddling and shush-patting in the vague hope of having some time to myself, and I never enjoy it when I can get him to sleep cos I'm permanently on tenterhooks waiting for him to wake up again. It just feels worse than before, as then I just fitted in around him and never felt stressed by it. To top it all, before we started EASY he slept 6 or 7 hours through the night, but now he only manages 4 or occasionally 5. I know there are loads of long-term benefits in using a routine, which is why I started it in the first place, but right now I feel very tempted to give up and just go back to how things were before, accidental parenting and all! Please someone tell me it's worth persevering and it will get better soon!!! 

[estherofi20]

Hun, i know it can be REALLY exahusting the first months, but i can tell you it is TOTALLY worth it, don't get discoraged!!! you are doing a great job!!! Perhaps you can post your day, so some of us can help you better???

[LŠuren]

Hi Finns mum

As Esther says - don't give up! Can you post your current routine and we will try and help you further.

Have you read any of the baby whisperer books or have you just started EASY from this website? If you need more info about implementing EASY or if you want reassurance you have focused on the main things let us know.
There is loads of help available to you. 
Lauren

[HeatherC]

Life will be so much more predictable with a routine like EASY.  You'll know when he'll need to eat, when he'll need to nap, and how much time you'll have to run errands, meet with friends, and have to yourself.  It will be so worth it!

[corrina01]

I started my DD on EASY when she was 8 weeks, it took her about 2-3weeks to finally get in the routine, when it all came together it was so good.  She knew what was coming next and she really enjoyed it.

In fact my DD could really do no A time apart from a change of nappy/diaper and a little cuddle and off to bed.

When you have your DS sleeping through 2 sleep cycles it is so worth it.  It took me about 3 weeks to get her to sleep 2 sleep cycles.

Don't give up, even though you want too, it will be so worth it in the end, to get a bit of time to yourself.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

[Finns mum]

Thanks for the support everyone!
Yes, I've read the BW Solves All Your Problems book, and am trying to follow the advice as much to the letter as possible! The only thing I am doing differently is following the 4-hour EASY (I already posted about this!) - he's never wanted to feed more often than every 4 hours, and is putting on plenty of weight. In fact the feeding is the one part of EASY that's going okay!
A vaguely typical day goes like this:
7.00: E
7.30: A
9.00: S (usually settles fairly easily but not always!)
11.00 E
11.30: A
1.00: S (often takes half an hour or more to settle and will sometimes wake during sleep)
3.00: E
3.30: A
5.00: S/A Try to put him down for a catnap but more often than not he refuses to settle and he ends up staying up til his bath
6.30: bath, wind-down
7.00: E
7.30: S (he often takes at least an hour to settle and sometimes won't go down at all until after the dreamfeed)
10/11: DF (often wakes for this and often won't settle afterwards)
2/3/4: E
I swapped the bath and feed around as the bath seemed to wake him up rather than wind him down. It's a very vague typical day as despite me trying to keep things consistent, my LO seems determined to be different every day. Sometimes he'll fall asleep by himself, other times I have to shush-pat until he falls asleep and sometimes no amount of anything will get him to sleep. Often he starts to get very tired half an hour or so before he's due a nap, and I never know whether to put him down early or try and keep him up. If I put him down early, should I let him sleep for 2 and a half hours, or should I wake him up after 2 - and if I do, how do I fit in the feed?! Also his night-feeds vary greatly in time which completely throw the rest of the routine for the day. It's very tempting if I've been up all night to let him sleep for as long as he needs to rather than wake him up at 7.00. I always try to make sure that his bedtime stays roughly the same though. He tends to start the day fairly well - in a happy mood and sleeping fairly well, and it tends to get worse throughout the day with him becoming hard to settle in the afternoon and evening, and often crying for no apparent reason. And to top it all, he gets a lot of wind!
Have tried to decide what type of baby he is, by the way, and have finally decided he doesn't fit into any of the categories! He seems to be a complete mixture of all of them - sometimes he's an angel baby - he's certainly very portable and happy with new places and people. Sometimes, he's touchy or grumpy, but he's never consistent, even in the same situations. One day he'll be really happy and the next he'll be difficult even when nothing has changed!
Sorry to moan, but I'm finding it a bit tough at the moment, and desperate to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel! How long should it take before things start to fall into place? And is there anything else I could/should do to make things easier?

[estherofi20]

First of all, i think you are doing a wonderfull job!!! your routine looks very good, i think that what perhaps what is making him a bit more grumpy is that he is getting tired during the A time (2hrs is a bit too much for such a tiny little fella), don't think of the routine as something you have to follow like clockwork, there are some babys than tend to need more sleep (like my DS! ), if you see he is getting tired at the hour start the wind donw for the naps, my DS used to take 2naps of 2.5hrs and one of 1hr, up until very recently and he is 6MO, and your LO is only a month so i deffinetly think you could let him sleep a bit more during his naps. What i would recommend is to keep up with the 4hr routine, but let him sleep a bit more . Hope this helps

[corrina01]

You say he is 1 month,  when my DD was this age, she would wake, eat, nappy change and bed again, so her totally A time including feeding was typically about 40-45 mins.

She didn't start having 2hrs A time until she was about 6 months old.

Can you read his tired cues? If not limit his A times to about 45 mins until you can read his cues, like yawning, red circles under his eyes, rubbing his eyes, pulling on his ears.

Keep feeding every 3hrs or 3.5hrs if he isn't hungry enough.

If you say feed every 3 hrs, his A time is 45 mins including feeding, put him down for 2hrs 15 mins, and that is the 3hrs mark and start all over again.

HTH

[HeatherC]

I agree with Corrina and Ester.  It's fine that he wants to feed 4 hrs apart, but trying to follow the rest of the 4 hr routine might be too much for him.  You should put him down for a nap as soon as he is tired, and once you see a pattern of how long that time is for him, start your winddown before he gets tired.  This should help him fall asleep more easily.  I think 1 hr of total E and A time might be enough, then start the winddown.  Let him sleep until he wakes, but probably not more than 2.5-2.75 hrs.  At 1 month, he still needs a  lot of sleep.  Better day sleep will help him through the night.
You're doing great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

[ziyangsmummy]

Hi Finn's Mummy,
I hear what you are saying.  Have been on EASY for 12 days now and have kept a sleep journal and written neurotically everything that I've done in order to see if there is a pattern that has a postive effect on Ziyang's sleep.  For two days I even had him sleeping a 2 hour sleep.  But that disappeared today.  His night sleeps have turned to custard and I've gone from having a decent 5-6 hour sleep at night to having to wake every 2-3 hours for feeds and unsettled behaviour!!  So going to stick it out for another couple of weeks or so.  Have to focus on the positive that Ziyang is now sleeping in his cot and I'm no longer rocking him asleep in his chair or slinging him around in my sling.
  So hang in there and keep communicating on this wonderful site.
Irene

[Finns mum]

Thanks for the advice everyone, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one having trouble! I will try and settle him for his naps sooner, and perhaps feed every 3.5 hours and see what happens. Sadly, today was not the day to start anything, as had early doctor's appointment which has sent everything to pot.
Only problem with earlier naps, is sometimes he just doesn't seem tired or show any sleep cues. Yesterday for example, I got him up at 3 for a feed. As it was sunny, i took him for a walk in the pram afterwards and, unusually, he was wide awake and interested for the whole thing. When we got back, it was 5.00. I sat with him on the sofa - he was happy and didn't seem in the least bit tired, but as he'd been awake for over 2 hours, I thought it was best to try to put him down. Well, that didn't work, he struggled and cried, and in the end I gave up and took him back downstairs. Later on he fell asleep for fifteen minutes in his chair, but woke up himself. At 6.30 we gave him his bath, then a feed at 7.00. He was wide awake at the end of the feed, but I took him to the bedroom, tried to wind him down and put him to sleep, but he just didn't want to go. After over an hour in the nursery, my husband took over for half an hour. By 9.00 we hadn't eaten dinner, and he was still awake and unhappy, so in the end we took him downstairs and put him in his chair so we could eat. He sat there quite happy and again, wide awake and didn't even yawn or show any signs of tiredness until about 10.00. I gave him his dreamfeed during which he fell asleep only to wake up again the minute he touched his cot. I got him settled after fifteen minutes or so and eventually, after expressing, went to bed about 12.30. He woke for a feed about 3am and went down relatively easy afterwards - and then woke again at 5.30! He showed no signs of hunger (even when I eventually fed him at 7.00, he wasn't interested until he started feeding) and I couldn't see any other problems. Either way, I spent an hour and a half trying and failing to settle him, eventually lying on the floor in the nursery. When I gave up and took him out of the nursery to feed at 7, I could see that he was wide awake, and can only assume that he wouldn't settle purely because he wasn't at all sleepy. After yet another night of no more than 4 and a half hours sleep, I'm at my wit's end! Should I still be putting him to sleep if he isn't acting at all tired? Any tips for getting him to sleep other than dummies, swaddling, music, dark room, holding him etc, all of which I'm trying! And how long should I sit in the nursery trying to get him to sleep when he's so obviously resisting? Should I take him away and try again later?

[LŠuren]

Finns mum wold you mind posting yesterdays routine, so we can have a look to see what happend?

[Finns mum]

The honest truth is I can't remember anymore! I think it was pretty standard though, as per my 'typical day' up until about 5.00 as I said. I do definitely remember putting him down before 1.00 as he was starting to yawn and look tired, and we down pretty easily.
Actually had a good day yesterday (the following day now!) - tried to follow everyone's advice and put him down earlier for longer naps and he actually went down by 7.30 - yay! Trouble is, he just woke 2am after 3 hours and was hungry! Have fed him, and he's gone down but just can't figue him out!

[estherofi20]

Don't get discoraged, the DF doesn't work right away, in my case for example, the day we arrived from the hospitali started to give the DF, and it took him a month to cut the 1-2ish am feed!!!! so please don't get discouraged, its just for a few little time you are gonna go through this, it may look longer, i know, but it will come a time when you will be abble to sleep more!!!. As for the 4-5ish am feed, my DS was like 3months when he stopped needing it (but i know some babies take longer), and now that he is 6MO he has stopped needing the DF all togheter. Please HANG IN THERE!!!!! you are doing a WONDERFULL JOB!!!!!