Author Topic: other people's opinions of EASY  (Read 3049 times)

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Offline tiki_mama

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other people's opinions of EASY
« on: May 03, 2006, 19:15:08 pm »
i'm not sure if anyone will bother responding to this post, as it doesn't relate to a problem with my dd as such, but it's something i've been wondering about... ( please move if this is not the correct area to post this)

do you ever feel yourself having to justify the EASY plan to your family and friends?

my dd has been on EASY since she was about 6 weeks old (she is now just over 4 months) i first saw tracy hogg on discovery home and health when i was pregnant, and i thought she was a total miracle worker! i heard her telling a couple about the EASY plan and it immediately made me prick up my ears ( especially the 'Y' part!! lol)

i bought her first book - secrets of the baby whisperer and read it when i was about 6 months pregnant. after explaining it to my dh we decided we would try it out when our lo was born :) my dd was 3 weeks early and the first few weeks (over christmas and new year were very difficult as she wouldn't feed so we were using syringes and cups and a mixture of breast milk and formula). amyway, we were winging it and it was at about week 6 when we were starting to feel really frazzled that my dh said 'let's try EASY'...we did and i've never looked back since ;D

i feel like it has helped me get to know my dd much better than i would have had we not started a routine. i know why she's crying 99.9% of the time and quite often we can even prevent any tears at all by sticking to the timings and ensuring she's never hungry or overtired. i can't imagine not being on it!

my point (there is one!!) is that despite the fact that we have a gorgeous, happy, healthy baby girl i have found that certain members of my family and some of my friends are quite critical of the EASY plan and can't understand why we follow a 'schedule' at all! :-\

my mum in particular is constantly nipping at me at the amount of naps that my lo takes (she is currently on the 3.5hr easy and takes 3 naps each day). when we went on holiday with them for a few days it was a battle of wills trying to get my lo to the bedroom for a nap without my mum making some underhand comments!!). you should have heard her ranting on when i told her i was spending time in the bedroom 'guiding my daughter through her nap' i.e. wake to sleep. she said 'doesn't she know how to sleep herself?' i think we all know the answer to that question judging by the amount of posts we make to the nap section :P

people also find it very difficult to understand the 'circle of respect' that i find such an important part of tracy's 'teachings' . they will whip my dd up off the floor and throw her into the air with no warning and say she's being 'fussy' when she starts to cry!! >:(

i guess i just get fed up with defending the EASY plan when the hardwork that we have put into it has paid such great dividends *sighs*

i just wondered if anyone else has come across similar issues with their family/friends and how they deal with it. i don't want to have any conflict, especially with my mum, but it is getting to the stage that i dread her spending too much time with my dd because i know she doesn't respect our schedule and my lo usually ends up in tears from being overstimulated or overtired :-[




Offline RachelC

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2006, 19:27:50 pm »
I hear you!  I get really tired of people saying "You have such a good baby"  Well, all babies are good, it's a matter of whether or not we choose to respect them. 

It's very hard for people outside of BW to understand what we do and why it works.  I accidently said "schedule" when I meant "routine" when dd1 was tiny and my Mom went ballistic.

Two years ago we went away with family and my dd1 was taking a nap with the window open and some family came back from a hike... the driveway was right outside the window.  I ran out to ask them to be quiet and my Aunt got all sorts of upset about that!  For the rest of the afternoon/evening she made comments such as "I'm going outside to read my book so turning the pages doesn't wake anyone up".  That night we were up late talking (she had gone to bed).   The next morning she made a comment about us talking the night before... but she couldn't complain b/c I think she may have understood what we were saying about the nap.

Keep up the great work with your dd and try not to let the others get to you!

~Rachel


Proud to have breastfed for a combined total of 35 months


Offline estherofi20

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2006, 19:47:36 pm »
MMmmhhh, er...  did you by any chance write about my life??? LOL

I get the same problems around here  ;) . I guess its just difficult for some people to undestand that there is a way of teaching babys how to sleep independantly, and how to respect them aswell, not just think for them! In my family it used to be the same, when i was preggie, i saw Tracy also on DC and bought the book, i remmember i used to talk to them about this and my brother used to say "yeah, well you will see that books don't work when you have the baby", it was really upsetting 'cause they didn't even give me a change of th¿rying BW, before starting to comment, but anyway, now, my niece is 8MO (and my DS is 6MO) and you can see the difference between their education. Of course they don't say anything, but my DH says you can see that EASY works like wonders!!!

I think you are doing what you think is best for your baby, and i know how annoying it is for people to say "Ohhh it's because you have such a good baby"... well... let them think whatever they want!!!!! You are doing a wonderfull job!!!!
 

Offline Lªuren

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2006, 19:58:06 pm »
Yes, I get this as well.

MIL was the worst for always having to pick him up "she didn't have the luxury to see in all the time ::)" - she never did that again after one time (when I was particularly tired) I actually said was he crying or moaning, she said no and I asked her to put him down again. He was only annoyed because he had been playing happily on the floor with his toy and she had taken it off him to show him how it worked  ::) ::) ::) ::)
She now asks 80% of the time if it is OK to put him up  ;)

FIL made a comment you don't see the starving children on the TV sticking to routines and they are OK  ::) (enough said).  Dh sticks to the routine when I work so at least I don't have to worry. MIL/FIL fill out my log book so I can see what is happening.


I love being able to plan my day in advance an don't worry that as soon as I want to go out DS will be hungry or tired, because I KNOW when he will  :D

You sound like your doing a FAB job  ;D ;D
Lauren x


Offline KellyC

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2006, 20:46:22 pm »
Luckily I don't get any comments (because I don't tell anybody  ;)).  My mum knows I'm a BW 'fan' but I don't give her any details - she knows better than to question what I'm doing though I think she was a bit miffed by my 2 sides of A4 on what to do if Zander woke up when she babysat.  Poor woman was dreading having to go and see to him!!

I do get lots of comments about what a 'good' baby I have though, which is completely inaccurate.  The reason he isn't screaming at the groups we go to (like most of the other babies) is that I make sure we only go to the groups that fit in with his routine - sleep and food come first and everything else comes after that which is why I have such a content little boy who I'm very proud to take out!!

We all know it works don't we girls?  ;)
Mummy to Zander (2005), Nathaniel (2007) and Caleb (2009)


Offline Kimberly®

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2006, 21:46:53 pm »
I completely understand. My parents and everyone around me swears by the Ferber method and here I am not following the mold. They all think I'm nuts and when I say DD's success is do to the methods I implement they laugh it off and find other reasons their methods would be better.
I'm getting really tired of being on the defencive about how I'm raising my daughter. I plan to follow the BW method for my second child too. I like that I know my DD so well that she doesn't have to cry for me to know what she wants or needs. Everyone here, especially my parents say my DD is spoiled because I never let her cry. She's 8.5 months old, she's not spoiled, its not like I wont discipline her when she needs it as she gets older. I only hope that maybe as she gets older people might be more excepting of my methods and beliefs.
Kimberly

Offline KellyC

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2006, 09:24:11 am »
Karita, they're just jealous that you know your baby so well and that she's so good and happy.  You're a fantastic mum for investing so much time and effort in her.  I can't wait to do it all again with the next baby either!

Kelly xx
Mummy to Zander (2005), Nathaniel (2007) and Caleb (2009)


Offline Duckie

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2006, 11:49:57 am »
Well my mother can't say too much about EASY and BW because she was the one who bought me the book when I was pg with DS#1.  She raves to everyone she meets with a baby about Tracy's method and how well they've worked with her grandson (and I'm already seeing how well her youngest grandson is doing too!)  She constantly tells me how proud she is of me and DH for finding a method that works, sticking to it like glue and not giving into the naysayers!

I find the people who scoff at the routine and methods are also the ones who comment how good the baby is.  With DS#1 I would respond when he cried when trying to fall asleep, esp when we were visiting and he was trying to sleep at my mom's or IL's.  I know my MIL made comments about how I was going to spoil him and I told her I didn't want him to think I wasn't there, esp when we were in unfamiliar surroundings and he may have been a little freaked about trying to fall asleep in a strange place.  She responded with, "How do YOU know he doesn't know where he is?  He's only 6 weeks/4 months/insert age here old!"  To which I responded, "How do you know that he DOES know where he is?"

And now, he can fall asleep pretty much anywhere without a fuss and with the exception of the occasional bump in the road, he's been pretty good about it!  And MIL is always the first to comment on it!
Mother Duck to A (June/01), J (April/06), my sleeping S (2/Dec/03) and my nameless angels (1/July/04; 2/Nov/04; 13/July/05)

Offline corrina01

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2006, 13:48:25 pm »
I get no criticism here either, just a few niggles, like I'm spoiling her when I don't let her cry.  It breaks my heart when I hear other babies cry, so why do it with my own DD.

My mum looks after DD when I go to work part time, she follows the routine because I have told her and she respects my decision.  Everyone I know say's she is good, happy and alert baby and I say it's down to the BW routine.
Corrina
Mum to Faith
A very spirited toddler with a touch of angel



Offline tiki_mama

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2006, 19:50:07 pm »
it's so interesting to hear all these stories!   :)

funnily enough we were at my parent's for dinner this evening and it appears that my mum is starting to understand the fact that if she treats our lo with a bit of respect and keeps her nice and calm when she's getting tired then she gets a much happier grandaughter in return!   ;)

Offline estherofi20

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2006, 17:07:12 pm »
Ohhh that's good to hear!!!! and it's great for your LO, and for you too!! ;)
 

Offline TJ & Stephy's Mommy

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #11 on: May 07, 2006, 03:26:40 am »
I'm lucky  :) that I don't receive any criticism about putting my lo on a schedule.  It makes my life so much easier/predictable, plus there is rarely any guess work as to what my lo wants.

Anyways, MIL & FIL are very supportive  :) and respect my decision to follow a schedule.  However, it's my dh that I have problems with  :-[

DH doesn't have any problems with using EASY however, Dh believes in the CIO method.  Alot of times, dh will ignore lo's cries and won't pick him up.  It drives me crazy when dh is looking after ds.  (Sometimes I really want to kick dh in the butt for letting lo CIO.)  It is a battle between me and dh  >:( but in the end dh says that  it's my decision if I want to make my life harder by tending to lo's cries.  I don't agree with the CIO method and though I am exhausted from the night wakings and short naps, I don't think I'm making my life harder.  I thi nk in the long run (hopefully), everything will pay off and dh will see that it was worth it.

Anyways, I'm just glad that I'm not given any grief for putting my lo on a schedule.


Offline Duckie

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #12 on: May 07, 2006, 04:25:56 am »
It is a battle between me and dh  >:( but in the end dh says that  it's my decision if I want to make my life harder by tending to lo's cries.  I don't agree with the CIO method and though I am exhausted from the night wakings and short naps, I don't think I'm making my life harder.  I thi nk in the long run (hopefully), everything will pay off and dh will see that it was worth it.

Actually, from what I've read, the more you respond to a baby's cries in the first 6 months the LESS they cry in the next 6 months.  Or something like that....  So you keep on tending to your little one!
Mother Duck to A (June/01), J (April/06), my sleeping S (2/Dec/03) and my nameless angels (1/July/04; 2/Nov/04; 13/July/05)

Offline eiremk

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #13 on: May 07, 2006, 07:02:37 am »
Hi,
My son is only 2 weeks and 4 days and I'm committed to making EASY work for us.  The ironic thing is that my sister who bought me the "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" book when I was pregnant is very very critical of me because I'm not feeding on demand.  In addition to griping to me about it - she's constantly quizzing my mother about what I'm doing "to that poor baby!"   ??? I'm going to visit her in 2 1/2 weeks and I'm not looking forward to how she's going to react to my efforts to follow EASY. 
Ah well.
Marie.
Marie
Mom to Conor 4/18/06

Offline Wiki

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Re: other people's opinions of EASY
« Reply #14 on: May 07, 2006, 14:57:11 pm »
My MIL is always saying how well I know/understand Caspar, she seems to find it amazing but then she had her eldest (my BIL) who cried non-stop for the first 3 months of his life. I think she is still traumatised!

When you read Tracy's book and follow EASY, its so much better for you and for your LO, its not difficult for you to understand what they need when you know what's gone before in the day and when. Although I have to stop MIL from carrying Caspar around every time she sees him, he gets really grumpy after a while. Soon he'll be too heavy for it anyway LOL.

I recommended Tracy's book to my SIL as she had been freaked out by friends in NZ using Gina Ford. Within a week she was getting better naps from my niece and was able to have some time to herself to chill out, and with a new baby, you need that.