The story of your first time round shows just what a determined lady you are. I bet all that drive and determination can be channelled towards getting your troops lined up and getting the information you need. One very simple point - if you were able to pump for all that time you clearly had nothing to worry about in terms of supply. Pumping is so much less efficient than a baby (one reason is because the hormone prolactin is not receiving stimulation from the 'wave' motion of the baby's tongue and mouth). You were certainly a milk -making success.
I would start by saying that all the nipple brushing in the world will not compensate for good latching advice. In fact from what I've read nipple 'preparation' is a bit of a myth.
You need to find out what resources are available to you in the hospital and ask for a lactation consultant - the worst hospital experiences I hear are when people get conflicting advice from lots of different people so I would ask people not to give advice unless you've asked for it and try and have one 'main' person who you develop a relationship with. I would also find out about groups, La Leche League, and otherwise and go while pregnant. LLL is a free resource. You and your toddler(s?) can see people breastfeeding and meet people for whom it is a happy and positive experience. Ask the mothers how they feed with a toddler around. I've heard of some mums who have a special box of toys that only comes out during nursing time or nursing time is the time the TV can go on (it might get you through the first few weeks).
Your big problem is obviously lack of confidence. You need to know more about breastfeeding so you know how it works and why it's worth it. It's not going to work if your motivation is pressure from other people or wanting to avoid feeling like a failure. You need to know why it's worth it. Read about health reasons, for you and your baby and calculate how much money you will save by not using formula - it may shock you!
I would recommend a book like 'The Womanly art of breastfeeding' by La Leche League. Dr Jack Newman has also written some stuff but I would warn that he's very open on his opinion of why formula is a bad thing. He oftens writes about 'why formula is bad' instead of focusing on why breastfeeding is good. You may or may not want to hear that.
Hopefully with some support now, in hospital and after and with some reading your confidence will improve. You know that physically your body
can do it. The truth that is if you give birth, if you deliver the placenta successfully, if you have a breastfeed within the first hour after delivery if possible, if you drink enough water and eat and sleep reasonably well (I didn't do the sleep thing so much and I was fine!), if you have advice to check your latch, if you don't start a feeding schedule too soon and feed initially on demand then...
the chances of failing or not making enough milk are
tiny. Obviously a very small group of women are unlucky but it is the rarity not the norm.
The human body is a clever thing. It is making this baby and getting the right amount of milk afterwards is something thousands and thousands of years of evolution have got right. Have faith in your clever body. You don't need a transparent bottle. Learn about the other ways of checking - identifying swallowing movement and sounds, checking nappies. Your reading or a conversation with an experienced mum or watching some breastfeeding could help with this. If you feed fairly frequently at the beginning, assuming your latch is fine, then that can actually help prevent nipple soreness. It's never the frequent feeding in itself that's the problem. The latch is clearly the key to everything - establishing your supply, nipple soreness, quality of milk and feed, spacing between feeds. If you see people breastfeeding keep in mind what a good latch looks like with a small baby (it does not look the same with an older baby).
Here's some video clips about latching to start you off, with that Dr Jack Newman bloke again:
http://www.thebirthden.com/Newman.htmlGood Luck and have some faith like you have faith your nails will grow, your stomach will digest food, your eyes will work. A small group of people are unlucky to struggle with eyes, stomach, nails but the default position is everything working fine.
P.S If your family want to support ask them not to make comments but instead track down resources, books, groups and happily breastfeeding mothers. I would make a 'no-more comments please. I'm going to try this but comments aren't helping but this practical support might...' declaration.
