HELP! 16month old won't let me leave the room!

[mia-bear's mum]

hi there
we have a major sleep problem with our 16 month old daughter mia and my husband and i actually have no idea how to tackle it!!!! we've never believed in 'crying it out' and have a happy, bubbly little girl who is so full of life... BUT won't go to sleep... day or night without us!! i have read tracy's books and fully believe in her gentle approach....

mia will be soooo relaxed and so we'll start her routine by [bath at night], reading a story, going into her room and turning on quiet music and within about 5 minutes she's nearly asleep on my shoulder.... i put her in her cot awake and if i try to walk out she screams with great distress..... so we've been trying to get out the door slowly, and sit on the floor close to the door but now it is taking 1-2 hours for her to fall asleep.... AARRGGHH!! tonight after a call to the local sleep school here, we tried to walk out and only respond to her dirstressed cries... but she is distressed from the start and i kept walking in and out and she cried for nearly an hour.. . in the end we were both in tears and i 'gave in' and held her hand to go to sleep...... she was asleep in about 5 minutes...
'
i feel like we could easily undo all the good things we've done for her not letting her cry by following this more stressful approach.... does anyone have any other suggestions??? i've heard something called 'walk in/walk out' mentioned on some of these forums, but i don't quite understand it.... is it something tracy taught?? can anyone explain this in detail to me??? or is it in one of her books i can read, if so which one is it.....?

sorry if this is a bit of a ramble! i'm sure mia is sick of being tired all the time and we are tired of spending about 3-4 hours tryng to get mia to sleep!!

thanks
claire [ie mia's mum!]

[Beata]

Claire{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

I have the same problem (and my dh and I feel EXACTLY the same - I could have written your post)...and I have not yet solved it in any manner (including a bout of Ferber's CC ideas which was a HUGE MISTAKE)

Anyhow, the walk in walk out this is just that. Do your entire routine, put her down, and walk out, return immediately, and do that until she stays down and falls asleep on her own. Much like PU/PD in the sense that you might have to walk in and out a few hundred times the first night, and the thought is you will have to do it less and less.

I must say that I have never actually followed through with the technique, I just can't fathom it yet (for naps, bedtime and night wakings (I need to steel myself to the idea that I will not sleep for a few days). AND that it will entail LOTS of crying (although you would be there the entire time (hence not CIO).

So, if you decide to venture forth, let me know and maybe we will too and we can be a small support group.

Beata (PS plus it does not help that DD is definitely going through Separation anxiety now )

[mia-bear's mum]

hi beata
thank's for u'r hugs! it's good to know we are not alone with our sleep problems!!!

i'm not sure i have the stamina to listen to mia cry, but i think we've resigned ourselves to the fact that it is probably the only option for solving this problem... to further complicate matters, we have to move house in about 3 weeks and so she'll have to get used to a whole new routine again!! i also have to spend 3 days in a row away from her next week while i'm at work.... hhhhmmmm..... i don't know whether to continue with our accidental parenting until after this or try and start solving it now....

i think i'll follow the rules of wi/wo from tomorrow morning nap and see how we go!

wish me luck!!!!
x 

[alyssa1]

Just to give some encouragment. We started the wi/wo not too long ago and my son - 16m - will now go to sleep on his own at bedtime and also at naptime.  We no longer have night wakings although naps are not that long, he will go to sleep on his own within 5-10 min.  And this is whoever puts him down (me, husband, nana, auntie).
I must tell you that at first there was a lot of crying and lots of time invested into it but we stuck to it and after 1 week there was success.  He knows now to lay down on his own and go to sleep.  I think at first it took over an hour of wi/wo with pd but now he only cries a tiny bit when we initally leave the room and he will get to sleep.  We were fed up with our mistakes and really stuck to our guns - it worked. 
If I were you, I would start right away, stick to it everytime and even when you move, or whoever is taking care of your lo, just tell them what to do and follow through.  It will work, it just takes persistance and you really have to tell yourself that you are doing this to help them learn how to get to sleep on thier own - you are not hurting them/you are teaching them.  Just keep telling yourself that and never break - not once - it will mess it up.  We learned that the hard way. 
Good luck 

[mia-bear's mum]

thanks so much for your words of encouragement!... it's given us the extra push to sort this out!!

well what an interesting day we've had! i feel we've had a bit of a breakthrough and past step 1!.. yay!

after last night's botched wi/wo attempt, mia slept without a peep all noght until 7:30 this morning... i'd expected a few night wakings and a rough night.....

so for her morning nap, she was fighting and started crying in a distressed way when her story books came out.... she became overtired and so we decided, 'hey she needs sleep, and this isn't going to happen, so lets take her for a walk in the pram and try again this afternoon... so we did and she slept for an hour in her pram....

after her lunch, we decided to play with her in her cot.... GREAT IDEA! she started crying if we left the room for even 1 second, but after a few times going out and bringing toys back in, she was happy and laughing and then cried when we wanted to take her out!! during play time, she kept going bakc into her room and talking to her doll in the cot!

after reading sooo much on these forums last night i finally felt confident to go ahead and start wi/wo properly... so around 1.30 this afternoon she was looking tired so we started quiet time with a drink of warm milk and 2 stories... she was calm and happy the whole time.... i took her onto her room and continued with the routine, then put her in the cot and walked out for 5 seconds.. she cried straight away and i went in, lay her down and then went out again.... after about 4 times, when i went in she laid herself down!... then i'd walk out and she was ok for about 10 seconds... we only did this for about 10 minutes before i walked out and she didn't cry one bit! i stood outside the door and counted to 1000!! she was just talking to herself....  so she has been in there for 1.5 hrs now and hasn;t gone to sleep, but she's had 5 minutes of silence for a few times here and there..... THIS IS A BREAK THROUGH!! at least she isn't distressed.....
i'm going to get her up now and get her dinner then have an early bedtime of 6pm i think and try again.... wish me luck... hopefullly she;ll actually go to sleep tonight!!!

there's hope for us all!!
xx 






 

[Florencia]

Great news! congratulations for not giving in!!!!!!!!!!

Just keep up the good work. The "happy time" in the crib while awake is a great idea. Since she seemed settled with it, you can also try peekabo and hide and seek just to show her you're not gone, and you'll be there when she needs you. You can try the leaving her for a minute and then coming back in other rooms in your house so she won't associate her crib with being left alone.

You're on the right path, just remember, persistancy and expect some setbacks, but keep up the good job!