Hi,
First, you are not a failure! HUGS to you, I know it can be so stressful but hopefully we can help.
The first thing you need to do is teach him to go to sleep independently. There are a few techniques to employ to help him learn to fall asleep. Do have either of Tracy's books? If so you know about pat/shhh and PUPD, if not there are PUPD boards on this site.
Once your LO learns to fall asleep on his own eveything else will fall into place. You may consider starting with either naps or night wakings. I would start with naps as you are awake and it is easier to remain objective when not half asleep. Start with developing a 'wind down' ritual that you will carry out before ALL naps. The key is consistency and to have a PLAN and stick to it.
You can do it, let us know if you have the books, or need help formulating a PLAN.
Richelle