Crying hard before falling asleep...

[ladyscott]

My 8 week old (corrected age 3 weeks) son will spend 30 to 60 seconds crying hard before falling asleep.  What's up with this?  I can pat/shush for over an hour to no avail, but if I leave him alone, he'll cry hard and then turn right off and be sound asleep!  I found this out when I had to go to the bathroom really bad, so I left him swaddled in his cradle after patting/shushing and he cried really hard, even emitted a couple of screams, but by the time I was washing my hands, he was sound asleep.

He did this before earlier when he was just a couple of weeks old.  I was at my wits end, so I stepped away for a bit to collect myself and reevaluate the situation and he did the same thing.  As soon as I left him alone, he cried for a minute and fell fast asleep.

I've really been trying this pat/shush thing because I don't like the "cry it out" method.  I also can't let him cry it out at night because my husband works a VERY dangerous job and needs a restful night's sleep.  (he uses earplugs, but we live in a very small house.)  On the other hand, he'll fuss for up to 2 hours while I pat/shush all the while getting more overtired. 

Should I just let him be?  Is this his way of self-soothing?

ladyscott

[Sarah O]

That's what it sounds like to me - what Tracy calls the 'mantra' cry.  Have you tried just stepping away but staying in the room?  Maybe that will make you feel more confident that you're not leaving him to CIO. 

Lucky you!!  Now you can get a bit of time back to yourself! 

Sarah

[Antoinesmom]

I agree, it may be the mantra cry or the shush pat may be too stimulating. If you LO is Touchy or grumpy shush pat may be stimulating him instead of soothing. Most moms of touchy or grumpy babe indicate that they rub instead of pat, some don't shush or barely shush and so just talk to the babe to sooth.

But considering your post, I'd say that it your DS way to fall asleep. Sarah's suggestion is a good idea that way you won't fell too bad and you never know that may be all your son needs.

Martine

[ladyscott]

That makes sense...his mantra cry.  In fact, he does this during naps, too.  He'll wake up, cry for a minute or two and then fall asleep on his own.  If I go to him, he wakes up for good.  If I just shush or say, "Mommy's here," he'll go back to sleep after a short fuss. 

This makes me feel better.   I'm so afraid of causing him the fear that CIO can cause.  Sometimes I still forget that crying is their way of talking, soothing and just being.

BTW, he is a touchy baby.  Sometimes pat/shush works, sometimes he just cries louder and harder.

Thanks so much!

ladyscott

[sadnewmom feeling better]

I tried swaddle, pat-shush for months and I could never get my baby down without a solid hour of crying at least.  So many baby books are so insistent that, no matter how your baby reacts, you MUST swaddle for anything else to work, that I forgot the first rule of parenting: "Listen to your baby".  When my DS started crying just at the sight of the swaddle, I finally used my brain and dumped it!  But on the mantra cry...I totally think thats what this is.  BW gives the impression that this is just a little fussy kind of cry, but my baby screams bloody murder.  I, too, worried about giving him a crib phobia but I had 2 big tip offs that this wouldn't be a problem:  1. My baby wasn't really comforted by me picking him up.  If he was crying for me to rescue him, he should stop when I pick him up, right?  But he didn't seem impressed with my pick ups, my pats or my shushes.  2. My baby cries in frustration all the time but rarely does "sad, I want my mommy" cries.  For example, he roars like the incredible hulk every time he tries to crawl (also when he would try to lift his head, at first).   But he doesn't want me...if I turn him on his back he just turns right over and starts trying to crawl and cry again.  Anyway, I started to realize the bedtime cry was that same  frustrated cry. 

Finally, I started putting him in the crib (after I had checked diaper, tried burping etc) and sitting on the floor where he couldn't see me.  I looked at the clock first, because every second the baby cries stretches longer in your mind.  If it was 10:00 AM, I would plan to try picking him up when the clock read 10:10 and comforting him.  Guess what?  I've been doing this for weeks (naps and bedtime) and he's never made it longer than 8 (agonizing) minutes before his head drops and he passes out.  In fact, the number of minutes has just decreased with time.  Don't get me wrong, I believe when BW says she has seen many babies who lost trust and would no longer go in their cribs.  But in my son's case, pat shush kept him up and overtired him.  I think babies are like all people.  Some people can only sleep with a tv on and no blankets, some people need silence and to be tucked in tight.  Some people drift off easily, others toss and turn and dwell on their day.  It's just easier for adults to cope with their sleep issues.

But anyway, the point of this post is: the Mantra cry can definitely be a red faced scream.

[*Nicola*]

Ciara used to engage in some VERY loud crying before going to sleep also - definately more than 30-60 seconds.  In the end we just left her to it as we had worked out it was her way of self-soothing or winding down. 

It stopped after a couple of weeks - although at the time it felt like it would never end!