breastfeeding, depression and guilt - please help!

[sherilee]

Hi
I have been b'feeding my LO for ten months now, fully until six months and then part bottlefeeding up till now as he wasnt getting enough from breast. Anyway I have had PND since the birth but I wont take any medication ( I was on prozac prior to pregnancy) as I am worried about it coming throught the milk. The docs say it does come through but has no affect but theyt dont know if it will affect him in adulthood as there has been no research for long enough and I would rather not take the chance but now he is ten months my partner says I should start thinking about myself and start taking it again as I have got worse. Moodswings, crying, feeling like a crap mother etc. Anyway I cant even make a decision, on one hand I think that ten months is a good enough start for him and maybe I should wean him onto bottle/cup completely now but then I get feelings of overwhelming guilt about it like Im not giving him what he needs/wants. He also still doesnt like savoury food but will take a few bits if really hungry so will he still be getting enough nourishment from formula and his favoured diet of baby rice, readybrek, cheese, fromage frais, fruit, pasta and toast? Ive started giving him haliborange vitamins for babies too. I would really appreciate some advice on this. Im so indecisive and just want to cry all the time cos I cant even make a bloody decision!
Thanks.

xxx

[Samuel's mum]

Oh honey, I can feel your troubles (I promise I don't go around calling strangers 'honey' very often).

Big Hugs and some more hugs.

Here are a few of my thoughts:
1. 10 months is a fantastic stint. If there was a line with all the breastfed babies in the Western world standing on it your LO would be right at the end that has all the extended nursers. So few babies have that kind of breastfeeding history. Be loud and proud.
2. I can completely understand where you are coming from about concerns over antidepressants and breastfeeding. But there are sensible well-informed people on this site who do breastfeed while on medication. My personal view is that the pharmaceutical and medical world tends to err on the side on caution. If they believe it to be safe I would have faith in that. Yes, mistakes have been made in the past but there are several years of history on this and the fear of massive lawsuits is quite a motivation for a major drug manufacturer.
I am speaking as someone who feels breastfeeding is absolutely key in my LOs life and I know if I had to take medication I would research like crazy, read Hale, but ultimately take the drugs if I needed to. I know this is just my opinion but for me breastfeeding has an enormous emotional dimension and I've loved being an extended nurser. If you were not planning on going much beyond 12 months then clearly this is less relevant for you.
3. The diet you describe is fairly well-rounded as you have iron from the baby rice, protein from dairy, carbohydrates. I think you perhaps need to look at ways of introducing more fresh vegetables and perhaps other protein sources. I have a friend whose nephew had yoghurt on everything for a year including red meat (very Greek!). I don't think the diet in itself is a reason not to wean.

I think that if you were planning on weaning around 12 months anyway the decision is an easy one. Go onto a cup/bottle and increase amounts of formula and look after yourself. If you want in your heart to be an extended nurser then I would seriously talk to some people about breastfeeding while on medication. Either way, start the medication. I don't feel that's something you should delay if you know you need it. Your LOs first request would be for a happy mummy.

Just my 2 pennies worth.

more hugs.

[daisymelan]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to you.

I have been on Celexa for a couple months now and battled with what you are going through.  I researched and learned everything I could about it and in the end I decided a happy mommy was the best mommy, and it has worked well for us.

At 10 months your little one has been given a big head start so be happy and proud with whatever you decide.

Also, at 10 months your "baby" is a lot bigger and stronger and any medication you may take will not have as great an effect as if he were only a month old.  The amount of the medication that would pass through your breast milk is less that 5% and that is how they determine whether it's a safe anti depressant or not.  By this I mean only 5% of your breastmilk would carry the med.  Actually, that's how they determine whether any medication is ok for a mother or not. 

But I can undestand your choice to not want to take a med.  This is a very personal matter and one that you have to be at peace about, regardless of how others feel.  Emotional disorders are an illness just like diabetes and cancer and should be treated as such.  If you need medication because it helps you function daily, then I would suggest you start taking them.  It is a hard choice, but I'm sure your lo will thank you for giving him such a head start and will thank you for becoming the happy mommy he needs.  I'm sure your indecisiveness has to do with your illness and if you got on your meds you would be able to rationally see how much goodness you have done for your little bubba.  Also, you may consider taking a medication and letting him nurse the little that he still nurses this late in the game.

Again, big hugs.  I do know what you are going through.  If you need anything, let me know.  I'm only a pm away.