Author Topic: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?  (Read 4405 times)

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Gigismom

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why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« on: May 24, 2006, 03:30:04 am »
grrr.  dd was such a good sleeper til about 3 months ago.  now every time we put her down, it is anyone's guess if she will stay down!

our latest problem is that i cannot put her down without her freaking out.  if dh puts her to bed, she is fine.  thank god he is home almost every day when it is naptime and every night at bedtime.  but tonite he is gone, so i put her down.  and of course she freaked out.  i had to lay on her bedroom floor while she fell asleep.

does anyone else's lo prefer a certain person putting them down to sleep?  what do you do when that person can't be there?  :-\

Nikki~Nathanamp;Danielle

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2006, 05:30:50 am »
It'll be a passing phase. I've found toddler sleep a totally different kettle of fish to baby sleep issues - a lot of it I think is their growing awareness, object permanence and independence starting to develop.

I think it's best to just ride it out rather than try anything drastic. I know her routine involves dh (we're the same only it's me that's required for dd, with ds he only wanted dada), but you just need to make do on the times when he's not there and it will pass at some stage. Maybe on the nights even when DH is home to start taking turns or at least involving yourself during those times so it becomes a bit more of the norm to her.

HTH

Offline Florencia

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2006, 17:26:34 pm »
Totally hear you! ds is fast asleep for naps when nanny puts him down... with me is the peekaboo nightmare that leads us to wi/wo sessions sometimes. At bedtime, when he's put on bed by my mom or MIL he's out (according to them) in 5 mins while with us... is 20 mins of chattering away.

Totally agree with Nikki's advice. Just keep your cool while this phase sorts itself out. i have found that the more annoyed i am, the more he "plays" with it...

HUGS!!!!!!
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Offline alyssa1

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2006, 18:54:47 pm »
I have found the same - my son will go down very easy for my husband and actually nap longer for him than me.  At night, we alernate everynight unless one of us is tired.  We don't give him the choice, we just pick him up and say night/night to the other one then up we go.  If your husband is doing it more often then he is getting used to him.  I would say just alternate and keep consistent with what you both do.  I think also becasue I work more, my husband puts him down more for naps so he gets used to the way dada does it.

Gigismom

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2006, 21:16:40 pm »
so do i just keep lying on her floor til she falls asleep?  the walk in walk out is a nightmare with lots of crying.  i prefer to just lay on the floor for 5-10 mins while she goes to sleep without crying, but i don't want to create this new habit.   :-\

Nikki~Nathanamp;Danielle

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2006, 22:57:08 pm »
I think you can approach it several ways. We used to do the walk in and walk out method over and over. It was effective, but could take up to 45mins on some nights, but the phase would pass in about a week or two until the next time. So it worked and it didn't create any other 'habits'. The other approach is to lie down next to her until asleep - this approach, I'd treat it like your normal/old routine of putting into bed, saying goodnight and leaving and if she protests then lie down. You may find one night that she doesn't protest and you'll realise that the phase has passed. What we do now with ds who is 3 is the latter approach, treat it as if we're not going to stay, but if he asks we do. I'm personally not bothered by this because he's usually asleep within 5mins that way and really what's the worst that's going to happen by doing this? Sure maybe it doesn't leave us free to not be there at bedtime, but the other method doesn't guarantee that someone else is going to be able to do it anyway kwim?

Over to you anyway, either way works in my experience and neither have bad consequences, only one way is less stressful for the child and 'quicker'.

lilmonkey

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2006, 02:51:16 am »
Hi Lindsey,

I'm going through the same thing right now and I agree with Nikki.  Just pick whichever method is most effective (and with less tears) in getting your lo to sleep.  Keep telling yourself that this phase with pass.   :D  Right now, I just lie down at the foot of dd's crib until she basically stop chatting/playing and in that 7-mile stare, then I can leave.  She doesn't see me on the floor but if she sees me leave the room right after I put her in the crib, then she would protest.  I just use the 5-10 min to do some meditation or if I'm feeling guilty about that extra piece of dessert, then some leg lifts  ;D.


Offline jolenelim

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2006, 04:01:40 am »
I don't know if this will help, but what we did with our DS was to give him absolute one-on-one attention during the bedtime routine. We also cuddled and hugged him until he was totally running away from us and wanted to get into his crib.  ;D

And I hung his old baby rattles/teethers all around this crib.  :o So what he has been doing lately is that he would just stand in his crib playing with the toys and drift of to sleep on his own. But at least we don't have to be in the room with him. And he is happy!  ::)

HTH!
Jolene




Offline Sylvia.

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2006, 04:51:43 am »
so sorry, i cannot comment as i am having sleep problems as well

Offline Harrisonsmummy

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2006, 08:01:12 am »
I also stay sometimes and not others. It's a bit like gradual withdrawal, I sit on the floor at the end of the cot and read a book. If he jumps up, I lay him down etc. After a few days I move just outside the door, eventually he stops jumping up and down. He knows someone is around. Then I sit in my room and read until I know he is asleep, so that I can hear quickly if he does jump up. There is no crying involved and he is normally asleep in 20 minutes. It just takes a little longer to show that you will be there for them.

Whenever there is disruption or he is overtired, I may have to go back to being "visible" while he drifts off - but as Harrison is a "minimal" sleeper ie 10.5hours straight through on an average night - I can't afford him to lose too much sleep, as we quickly revert to night wakings through overtiredness.

Sometimes they just want a bit more reassurance, and for a small portion of their lives if it is possible ( and not too onerous ie 2 hours) then why not! I haven't found many consequences as a result - I suppose only if he does wake at night he wants someone there...but who doesn't?

Offline Colesmom

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2006, 20:44:31 pm »
gosh-this sounds so much like what I'm going through.

i had my lo going through the night for three weeks prior to returning to work.  Then I think a little SA and a lingering cold have created issues.  I have to admit to APing, feeling guilty for not being there and generally just not being firm.

Cole cries before every sleep period.  He has NEVER gone down in his crib without crying.  I am beginning to find it exhausting...I am constantly stressed about his sleep.  He seems not to need much sleep at all.  Last night he wouldn't go down until 8pm (after being up from nap at 1:30) and woke nearly every hour and was up by 6:20...only because i had to cave and take him to the couch. (and he's happy on this much sleep)

I tried starting wi/wo twice in the last couple of weeks only to give up because he just can't kick this cold of his.  I think this might have a lot to do with it.  I'm there when he goes to sleep (often holding his hand or touching his back) so he can't settle himself when he wakes in the night.  I would consider it a HUGE improvement if I could just be in the room and not touching him :-[

It is making me resentful of him.  That makes me sad.  I only want what's best for him.  I've worked on his sleep every day and every night since he was 5 months old.  Should I just relax?

My daycare provider actually suggested trying to let him go down later, say 9pm.  I know it goes against every BW bone in my body...but maybe right now he just needs that time with me. 

*sigh*  I'm sorry to ramble...needed to get that off my chest.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2006, 21:01:36 pm by Colesmom »
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Gigismom

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2006, 21:06:31 pm »
traci-hugs i am sorry that you are feeling so stressed about this.

if it were me, i would follow your daycare provider's advice.  it sounds as if maybe your lo really doesn't need that much sleep.  is he happy on the amount of sleep he is getting now?  if he is usually happy, i'd go ahead and try to give him less sleep and see how he does on that.  yes, it is not 'by the book' in terms of the time frames tracy lays out, but if it is what your lo needs, then it is technically 'by the book' because tracy's books are all about listening to and following your lo's cues and needs.  and putting him down a bit later might be worth it if your struggles with sleep could end or at least lessen.  i would try it at least and see what happens.

Nikki~Nathanamp;Danielle

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2006, 21:37:40 pm »
Traci, if you want an honest answer?  ;) I do think you need to relax about it and go with what you think Cole needs, not only what a book is saying (I am a fan  :D, but it's just a *guideline*). Yes, keep your routine - but that's not the same as a scheduled routine, which doesn't seem to be working for Cole. My kids have never fitted into the typical timed EASY and each has their own rhythm that goes with it. If Cole wants to go down later then do that. There is nothing wrong with it. It's all about how you perceive it. It's been almost a year since his sleep went haywire and something's not working for him. I personally don't like the term Accidental Parenting, because to me that is saying that you are doing something wrong if you follow your instincts which it seems to me you *want* to be doing something different, but you're battling yourself because *the book* says otherwise. Please don't think it's caving by taking him onto the couch with you - you're looking after both your needs, what's wrong with that? Danielle comes into our bed when she wakes anytime from 5am. Some days she sleeps right through till her usual wake up of 6.30am and others she doesn't. None of these *wrong* things are going to last forever. {{Hugs}}

Judy

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2006, 01:47:26 am »
Oh Traci - HUGS!!  ITA with Nikki.  Gosh girl if anything you are trying/he's doing is making you feel resentful then it's time to forget what a book or anyone else says and do what feels right.  I think Tracy would support that if that helps to know.  More important than anything is the relationship between you and Cole.

For what it's worth - my little one's go down somewhere between 8 and 8.30pm generally and they have only one nap a day around 12 or 1pm and sleep usually two hours but maybe only one hour.  We just go with the flow.  Some nights H needs her back rubbed, others nothing at all, some nights she wants her dad in the room, some nights not.  I don't consider anything "Accidental" parenting - I think it's a poor phrase.  Doing what your child needs cannot be accidental.  IMO

Oops - someone up crying 20min after going to bed - I shall run and see what she needs.

Offline Colesmom

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Re: why are the sleeping issues getting more complex?
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2006, 12:54:33 pm »
gigismom, nikki, judy-thanks so much for keeping me sane.  i am feeling better today. cole went down at 8:45 last night (after 30 min of wi/wo) and slept until 6:15 with only two brief wakeups.  woke at 2am and 4am but went right back to sleep when i layed him down.  Last night I relaxed during dinner time and bath etc and didn't rush us.  He isn't giving me sleep cues at night which is confusing because I always felt that he had gotten into overtired mode...you know how some kids get...just seem happy as can be? But maybe he just isn't tired.  I'm going to try an 8:30 bedtime for a week and see how that goes. 

On another positive note, I got my first smile and wave as I left him at daycare today ;D
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