Fairly good sleeper gone bad!

[E-Ray's Mom]

Hello,

A little background first.  Our DS has always been really easy to put down for naps and at bed time.  He has always been a night waker, which we need to solve.  Our plan was to address the night waking after returning from vaca.

Two weeks ago we went on vaca and sent DS to spend a week with the GP's and now it is IMPOSSIBLE to get him to go down without at least an hour of crying.  We're trying the "sleep lady shuffle" with him and he eventually does fall asleep, but not until he has more or less cried himself into exhaustion.  We started this last Saturday and it hasn't improved (other than last night when he was worn out from a long day.)  He is also waking in the middle of the night and staying awake for HOURS at a time!  Here is a rough breakdown of what has happened since we started trying the SLS.

Saturday (Dad):
  8:00pm - bed time, crying/fussing until 9 then asleep
  12:00am - Up crying/screaming/fussing until 3am!!!

Sunday (Dad):
  7:30pm - bed time, crying/fussing until 8:15, then asleep
  2:30am - Up crying/screaming/fussing until 4am!!!

Monday (Mom): - This was a really long day for DS after little sleep and lots of running
  7:30pm - bed time, minor fussing until 8:50 then asleep
  10:30pm - awake, trying to uncover self, right back to sleep
   2:30am - awake, fussing/chatting until 2:45 (no assistance!!!!), asleep (This, my friends, has not happened in MONTHS!)

Tuesday (Mom):
  7:30pm - bed time, crying/fussing until 8:30 (still going)!!

Here is what we're doing.  Dad sat on the bed with his head in his hands and tried to ignore DS, only talking to him and putting him back down when necessary.  DS was constantly crying out for "Mom Mom", but Dad and Mom didn't give in.  After an hour, DS fell asleep.  Same thing happened early in the morning, but he was much more persistent than at bed time.  Eventually he gave in.  Dad noticed that if he talked to or touched DS, it would upset him more.  So the second night, Dad REALLY limited the contact with DS.  DS would eventually try to snuggle up to Dad, but Dad would push DS away, which didn't go over well.

Mom used a similar technique, however, she sat on a pillow on the floor (DS bed is on the floor) at the end of the bed.  Mom can get away with more talking/touching without upsetting DS very much.  Tonight is a little different.  Mom is still in there trying to get him down as I type this, and it is now 8:50.

DS has always been a night waker (multiple times every night) and has a dairy intolerance and acid reflux.  We finally put the two together and have that pretty much under control.  Now he is mostly suffering from gas pains at night (should this still be happening at 21 months!?) which we usually solve by gas drops.

I guess we're just looking for someone to bounce this off of to see if we are doing it right and if this is the norm?  It is almost as if we are doing CIO without leaving him alone.  It is really rough to sit there and listen to his pleading, however, we don't want to give in as he REALLY needs to learn how to go to sleep without us touching him or being in the room with him.

[imsmum]

The SLS--is that the one where you move closer to the door?  You might want to look at the posts here about walk in/walk out  since it sounds like it would help both the going to bed and night waking problems.

[E-Ray's Mom]

Yes it is the one where you move closer to the door every few nights. I need to read a bit more about walk in / walk out. I did begin to try it one night but stopped shortly after because it was right before we were leaving for vacation, and I didn't have a strong enough plan in place to go through it.

When I did do it though, he would calm down the instant I touched him, but would start screaming again the instant I turned around to walk out. Is that how it's supposed to work?

I guess I just have a hard time thinking it through because I know I couldn't fall asleep if someone was walking in and out of my room that much.  Having said that... I'm willing to try anything, and I've read others' stories where it did work! I also felt like we should keep her other method up, since we had already started it to give it the "full try", but I'm just not sure how to know when to switch methods. I didn't feel strongly either way about which way would work better.

The other issue is that even though DH has been doing the nightly bedtime routine for months (close to a year probably), when we got back from vaca, DS wanted NOTHING to do with daddy starting at bedtime, if not before. So putting him down was now a challenge, and night wakings were greatly intensified, which is why (especially when it was dad's night, it seemed like CIO, except DH was just there watching him, instead of out the door). He did try to calm him down, but since DS wanted nothing to do with him, it didn't work well at all. He's always been a mommy's boy as I am home with him, but it is so much worse now. Given that... I envision wi/wo to be like CIO when daddy does it - just as it was when he stayed in the room with him. If I could do it myself, I would, but I'm definitely not super-MOM, especially since (like a lot of Tracy's client's stories start out) I'm in my first trimester with #2. I would appreciate any direction on this issue as well. Should we "give in" and have mom do the bedtime routine for a while to gain back the trust we seem to have lost, and then have dad jump in again in the future, or should we keep dad on the task, as we normally have and just be as loving as we can?

Also any suggestion on changing methods from moving toward the door to wi/wo, given what I have said above would again be appreciated.

Thanks for all your help and suggestions! I honestly don't know what we would have done with out all of your ideas and support over DS's life thus far! 

[E-Ray's Mom]

Well, we've just stuck to our guns with daddy putting DS down, and he seems to be coming back around. 

As far as the sleeping issues go, we're pretty much back to where we were before vacation with being able to leave the room after we put him down, and he falls asleep on his own. He's also slept through the night 2 out of 4 nights. The 2 nights he didn't sleep through were nights he needed Tylenol and/or gas drops. This happens pretty frequently, which is why it's hard to be consistent. We're not entirely sure what is going on. We eliminated dairy from his diet, which cut down significantly on the nightly painful gas issues, but there are still a few nights here and there that he has trouble. I think we just need to consult an allergist and or GI specialist (again) to find out what else we can do to figure it out.

As always, were open to suggestions! It's always helpful to hear an outside perspective!

[imsmum]

Glad things have improved .  It seems so many lo's go through some kind of adjustment after vacation.  Ours is in a couple of months, and I'm starting to get nervous about it already!

So is Eric falling asleep on his own now?  And what do you do when he wakes at night?  What are his sleep times now?  You are probably right about the gas waking him up but you might also want to considersome other contributors.  I know that I often get so fixed on a certain issue with my little one that I sometimes forget to consider other things like teething, the temperature of her room etc.  I hope the GP can help.  I'm sure you keep a food diary, but if you don't that's probably a good place to start.