14 month old sleep troubles - help required

[Ewan's Mummy]

Hello, I don't know where to start really.  My little one has always been a good sleeper and was on a perfect 2 naps, 11 hours at night schedule, going down straight away on his own in his cot. Then I posted a month or so ago because he was resisting naps and taking longer to go down at night.  Anyway, things have now escalated and it's really depressing me.  He now just stands up in his cot when I put him down (and this is irrespective of how tired he is) and he screams and screams when I leave the room.  I go back in and lie him down again but he's up before I'm at the door screaming.  Can anyone suggest how to handle it.  If I keep on lying him down everytime he stands up he just keeps on getting up and gets more and more worked up, if I walk out he goes bonkers..  (he's never been like this before but this has been going on for about a month now) (he's 14 months old).  It's taking so long to get him down it's 8pm sometimes before he's asleep and then he's still up at five but very cranky. 

Can anyone please suggest anything to help get him back to falling asleep in his cot when I put him down.  It seems like a million years ago that he used to do that - I can't believe how bad things have got.  He's now not going down to sleep easily for naps or night time sleep and I have no game plan whatsoever now - I've tried everything.    Sorry to waffle on - I'm desperate.

Any suggestions welcome!

[Florencia]

hi! Sorry things had gotten worse. You say that before this crisis started he was having 2 naps. How many is he having right now? what is his schedule?

I have just answered a similar post about a 14 month old where i placed a bet on teething. Maybe you should check that one out if you suspect that your ds is teething molars.

At around that age i had similar issues and the wi/wo didn't work for us either, cause ds would go bananas if i dared to even face the door LOL... so i restorted to Gentle Removal Plan which basically is placing a blow up mattress/sleeping bag next to your lo's crib and you both go to sleep then. As things get better you can slowly move your mattress next to the door until you're finally out. Since you're not having night waking issues and your problem is only "going to bed" i would leave the room as soon as he's sound asleep. If he wakes and cries for you, you go in and "pretend" to be asleep again. I did this for naps too and it took me 2 weeks before things started to improve substancially, but they did. Also, when he wakes early in the morning (say 5 am) you go in and lay in your mattress saying is sleepy time, we don't have to wake up yet...and you "wake" till your desired wake up tme. If he's not cranky or crying when waking you should let him be and only go to him at the desired wake up time or if he cries for you.

Also, are you giving him pain meds before bed? that would help him relax easier and if he's teething this could also play a roll on his upsetting.

Hang in there and keep us posted with his schedule to see if we can come up with something else!

[imsmum]

Resisting naps, shortened night sleep..that's exactly what my lo does when she is ready to drop a nap.  Sometimes the pm nap starts interfering with an early bedtime, they go to sleep too late and therefore wake early and cranky.  Any signs of teething or ear infection.  You probably want to rule any of that out first so if you are not adverse to it you could try giving pain meds and see if that makes any difference.

[Ewan's Mummy]

Hi there, thanks so much for the responses.  Here's Ewan's schedule (well I say schedule it's gone very astray recently).  There's kind of two schedules as sometimes he's not taking his afternoon nap but I just cannot keep him up in the morning after 10am.. he's foul.

5.00 - 5.30 wake up (and get up - there's no leaving him in his cot) usually cranky
7.00 breakfast
9.30 - 11.00 (ish) milk & nap
12.00 lunch
3.00 - 4.00 (ish) milk and nap
5.00 Dinner
6.30 (ish) bedtime

OR!!

5.30 get up
10.00 - 11.30/12.00 nap
6.00 bed (but then he'll wake up sometimes before five in the morning!)

Oh what a mess.

I was thinking it might be his teeth (but I've been thinking that for over a month and there is still NO SIGN of any molars - anyway I give him pain relief before bed but to be honest there seems to be no difference whether he's had pain relief or not.  He had a cold a couple of weeks ago be I took him back for a check up and his ears/throat/chest etc are all clear. 
Today has been awful - he only had ten hours sleep last night, then he only slept for 45 mins this morning and then he refused to take an afternoon nap and it took me an hour and twenty minutes to get him down for his afternoon nap (cuddled him to sleep in the end!) - then we woke him up at 5pm and he was super cranky (dont blame him) then it just took about an hour to get him down tonight.  He finally fell asleep at about 7.30 but he'll still wake up at five so that will be only 9.5 hours sleep! then the chaos starts all over again. 

If he only has 9.5 hours sleep tonight and wakes up at five tired (but will not go back to sleep and believe me I've tried) what times shall I put him down for his nap(s)? 
Also tonight I did walk in walk out - I'd lie him down he'd stand straight back up but I walked out anyway let him whinge for about thirty seconds then went back in and lay him down again and walked out even though he stood up.  How does that appoach sound to you all?  I've tried lying down in his room but he just giggles his head off and throws teddies out of his cot etc.. 

AAARRGGGGHHHH - I'm sorry to waffle.  I know this sounds like chaos but it never used to be - it's all been so organised so far - but I'm at my wits end now.

Any suggestions?

Thanks again for your replies

[Alibobs]

I could have written this post until last week. Screaming fits at night, where we tried everything to settle dd - it was so bad, and she was so tired that she couldn't stand and she kept falling and banging her head which made the screaming worse. For weeks, we hadn't slept past 5am.

I attempted the walk-in/walk-out and, I probably shouldn't say this because she'll wake at 5am tomorrow, but the last few days, she's settled almost straight away and slept until 6am (our wake-up time). However, my body clock hasn't adapted so well, and I've been having trouble sleeping until six...

Good luck and hope things improve for you and your lo too.

[sa]

i am not sure if i can help but my 16 month old DS is doing the same thing. he is teething like crazy and i know he is ready to switch to 1 nap.

i don't have much solution about waking at 5am but when my DS wakes at 5am, i put him down about 8.30am, and he will sleep for about 2 hours. the morning nap is supposed to be an extend to his night-time sleep, because he only slept for 10 hours, he needs another 1.5 to 2 hours. so try put him down a little earlier. so if he has 2 hours morning nap, i will let him sleep for 1 hour (or 1.5 hour whichever if it doesn't intervre bedtime). it's a bit difficult to put him down in the afternoon, so sometimes i let him nap in the stroller. if not i do extra long (about half hour) winddown.

u may try some homeopathy remedy for teething instead of pain killer, i find pain killer making DS more alert instead of calming him down for sleep.

hth

[Ewan's Mummy]

Well he went to sleep at 7.30 last night but was up again at five to five this morning...  so I'll try and put him down earlier for his morning nap and see what happens..  Tried lying down in his room with him this morning but he just stood there shouting.  Right, keep any suggestions coming and I'll keep you posted!  Gosh I'm tired :-(

I dont actually mind getting  up at five am if Ewan was refreshed as apposed to waking up miserable and cranky..

[Harrisonsmummy]

It sounds like he is definately ready for one nap. the second nap is late in the day so possibly that is why it is a struggle for him to sleep then, and when he only has one nap, he must be overtired, Harrison is a nightmare to get to sleep when he is overtired and I have to place my hand on his back to help him settle.

With a 5am wake-up ( and I have been there lots!) I would put him down for a couple of days early, say 8.30am, but for a catnap only. 30 mins - 40 mins at most. Then with a bit of luck you should be able to get a lunch time nap in, 12.30ish, which will tide him over until bedtime.

I tend to go for a bedtime - 4.5 - 5 hours after wake-up from nap, earlier if they seem tired. The early bedtimes are essential when transitioning to one nap, as it is the overtiredness that causes night-wakings and early mornings in transitions! Once he has caught up with his sleep, you may find he sleeps in later and you should be able to drop the cat-nap. Give a snack at naptime to tide him over and plenty of distraction, and then you will probably need to shuffle the one nap and bedtimes about until you get to the desired point!

It can take several weeks for them to adjust, so hang in there.

With the problems at bedtime, once he is rested, you may find he settles ok, otherwise, I personally found a gradual withdrawal worked. I sat at the end of the cot, no eye contact etc, laid him down when he got up, completely emotionless otherwise it becomes a game! I would read a book until he settled to sleep. He still jumps up and down now, but it takes him 10 mins to settle like this, then 10 mins later he is asleep, so I don't stress about it so much. It's like he just needs reassurance I'm around.

Anyway, hope some of this helps, sorry for waffle, harrison is climbing on my lap trying to push buttons! LOL!

Justine

[Ewan's Mummy]

Thanks for the advice Harrisons Mummy.  I'll try that...  I'm really looking forward to getting a one nap routine established!

s a  - what homeopathic rememdies are there for teething?

cheers everyone

[sa]

i have tried two.
one is Nelsons Teetha, contains 6c Chamomilla.

the other is Ashton & Parsons Infant Teething Powders:
http://www.boots.com/shop/product_details.jsp?productid=1007559

i like this one best as it even calms baby's upset tummy when teething.

btw, this morning i tried sleep in the same room as DS, but he shout and shout, i then got out of his room, he calms down almost immediately ... how strange is this?? i really don't get this 
 

[Florencia]

Hi there,

Really great and thorough advice provided by our sleep experts, thanks angel dust, Harrison's mummy and imsmum!!!!!!! you rock girls!

Sa and Ewan's mummy i just wanted to add that if lo's get more wounded up with you being in the room, maybe the gradual removal is not for you. I found it helpful cause my presence there would soothe ds and me leaving the room would make him go crazy when he was a young toddler (say 13-15 mo). Now that he's 23 mo, he gets wild for every second i stay in the room (as some young toddlers do)

Ewan's mummy you mentioned that at your 2nd walk out, he wasn't crying that much is that correct? if he stands up but doesn't cry when you leave, leave it at it. Only walk in after he cries for you, count to 10 (30 seconds i'm afraid it's too long and can become an hysterical crying) and walk in. Reassure, lay down say I love you something like that (so he knows you're leaving but not because you're abandoning him, you STILL and will ALWAYS love him and be there for him when he needs you, that's the main message for wi/wo) and leave. Only walk in when he cries for you. If he's mantra crying, whining, fussing, leave him at it, he'll learn how to work it out. Some moms find wi/wo too stressing and not working because they wi when they're not supposed to. You're not supposed to be wi until he's asleep but until he's settled. Eventually if he learns how to soothe, he'll go to sleep when he's ready and on his own.This should also help for early mornings, cause if he learns to stay in his crib, calmed and soothed, he'll lay there for longer periods without you needing to go to him.

Good luck! HTH!

PS i also used homeophatic remedies along with teething aids during our worst period of teething. And yes, it took us up to 3 months to finish with the 4 molars. YUCK!--- grandma also adviced some gas drops and to prepare his milk in chamomile/linden flowers tea for upset tummy... i did it all at once so im not sure what worked best... we all take all remedies in desperation LOL...

[Ewan's Mummy]

Wow, thanks so much everyone for all your advice.... 

Took Ewan up to bed ultra early this evening and managed to get him to sleep for twenty past six.. but it had taken about forty minutes to get him to sleep.  The Wi/Wo advice was really helpful Florencia.  When I do wi/wo he is stood up and screaming before I'm at the door, so I go out into the next room, wait a short time, then go back in and lie him down again, but he's still up before I even get my arms out of the cot, if I keep lying him down he just gets more and  more worked up.  When I lie him down he often reaches for me to pick him up and give him a cuddle and I often relent and do this (just for a moment) until he is calm again then I lie him back down - is this a mistake?? I'll try and leave less time between going back in to stop him getting upset.  Often he's doing a whingy mantra type cry maybe I'm going in too often?? AARGGGH I'm confused.  I really don't want him to feel abandoned though. 

Even if I stay in the room standing over the cot he stands back up but doesn't cry, he does however start laughing and gets giddy if I stay.  As I said if I lie down in the room he just stands there trying to get my attention and will not lie down, he giggles like mad at me.
Anyway, I'm waffling again.  Just praying that he doesn't wake up at 4.30am now I've managed to get him down before half six!!

s a - I have some of the teething powders - they are still in the box on the side of my bed!! Must try them out!

Hopefully I'll get a lie in until 6am tomorrow - that is my fantasy! (never thought I'd think of six am as a lie in!)

Thanks again everyone. 

[Florencia]

It's ok to hold him till he settles and then put him down (it's like pu/pd for babies). The only reason we don't encourage this is because most toddlers get more wound up when held (not the case of your baby, so that's ok). Another reason is because holding a toddler then pd him is exhausting for your back but if you only need to do that for a couple of times, or don't mind do it as long as needed (go for a back massage NOW LOL) then, again it's ok.

You say he gets giggly when you stay in the room, so that's the moment for you to walk out. He's ok, he's not crying for you so you may say something like, i see you feel better now, I'm glad, see you tomorrow sweetie!... and wo. Wait for him to CRY for you (whining mantra cry can be worked out by himself, you just have to listen carefully if it pitches to a higher cry or slows down to a waaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaa with "silent" seconds). The moment it gets higher, you count to 10, wi, reassure, pat (minimum body contact and language, you have to be BORING so he gets that there's no point in waking, the less emotions you show, the quicker he'll get it... don't shout, don't get angry, don't cry (you can do it outside the door... LOL) ). Don't over explain, just a few words like mommy and Ewan need to sleep so we can play in the sun tomorrow bye bye. The I love you part is pretty useful to me, since i started using it i noticed I would manage better and he'd be less upset by me walking out. I usually go with: it's ok, go to sleep, see you tomorrow (while i put him down patting back) i love you (while i head to the door).

I hope i made some sense... fingers crossed for a super late waking tomorrow!!!!!!!!

[Ewan's Mummy]

Thanks Florencia.. but you obviously didn't cross your fingers effectively enough as we were up at 4.45am this morning!  Tried until six to get him back to  sleep but to no avail 

I am so tired and miserable with this

Anyway, we'll see how today goes...

[Florencia]

I'm sorry to hear things didn't go to well... but remember that they say that the second night is the worst... some setbacks are to be expected. You just keep up the good job consistantly and things will get better. Good luck and keep us posted!