Separation Anxiety affecting sleep?

[cwolff]

I'm posting this on behalf of a friend named Heidi who doesn't have a computer.  Her son Rowan is 14 months old.  He's always been a very good sleeper.  Her routines for bedtime and nighttime are identical since birth.  Bottle with blankie, then paci, then into the crib wide awake.  She turns on a little turtle noisemaker, he plays or talks to himself and within a few minutes he's asleep.  He was taking 2 naps a day, morning 10-12pm, afternoon 3pm-5pm then bedtime between 8 & 8:30pm.  He seems to deal with a lot of his issues with needing more sleep, such as teething or overstimulation.  He has a very energetic 3 1/2 yr old brother.  He doesn't have hardly any problems settling, and usually it's maybe one time replacing the paci and resettling and he's done.  His Daddy works different schedules at work, sometimes he works 2pm to Midnight, other times it's 8am and he comes home anywhere from 6pm to 9pm.  For a while now he's done the 2pm to midnight shift, so Dad isn't usually involved with the nighttime routine.  He's experienced a little bit of Mommy anxiety in the past, but usually calms if his sister or Dad are there.

So here's the problem:  Starting last Wednesday evening Dad worked all week early shift.  He got home later on Wednesday night, around 8pm.  Usually Heidi is getting the kids wound down and ready for bedtime.  But Dad got home, and decided they should all go for a walk.  By the time that bedtime happened, it was 8:45pm.  Heidi gave Rowan his bottle, did the whole nighttime thing, but instead of going to sleep or whining, he flat out started hysterically crying.  And did so off and on until after 11pm.  She tried multiple times to resettle him in the crib, and he just got more and more upset.  She held him for a while and he would doze but would wake immediately after she put him into the crib.  Finally after holding him for 1/2 hour or so he fell asleep.

She figured this was because overtiredness because Dad was home and he went to bed late and it was just a fluke.  Next day (thursday), the nap protests started happening.  He was OK when she laid him down for morning nap, but if he couldn't see her or feel her (hand on back) for the afternoon nap he started crying again.  She couldn't leave the room and finally had to lay a hand on his back till he was completely out.  Bedtime that night, Dad was home by 6:30pm and they started the routine nice and early.  He clung to Heidi from the minute she got up to put him down.  She laid in his crib and he immediately stood up screaming bloody murder.  He did this till sometime after 10pm.  Friday, he took one long nap and bedtime was uneventful.  Saturday, took only one nap during the day (3 hours) and he was OK.  Bedtime was again a nightmare.  Sunday, he was exhausted and ready for his morning nap but still fought it until she stayed with her hand on his back.

So what is happening with this kid?  Anyone have any ideas if he could be having some sort of separation anxiety?  He's been very very clingy with his sleep times, and this is very new.  Thanks for the help.

[Florencia]

Hi cwolff! first if all, congrats onb eing such a good friend, taking the time to post for your friend which such a thorough description. She's so lucky to have you!

It sounds to me like 3 things are involved here: teething and Rowan needing to switch to one nap, that causes overtiredness, hence the sep. anxiety. He's been having lots of daytime sleep (average 4 hours) and i think he should be getting closer to 2.5 3 hours so he's tired enough to go to sleep easily but not that tired that he gets overtired. You mentioned that the day he had a 3 hour nap he was fine during the day so i think Heidi should look up to that schedule instead her current one (the 2 nap thing). If she stops fighting for Rowan to go down for naps, he should be less exhausted by nights, hence, go down easier.

The clingyness can be associated to teething or illness (are you sure Rowan didn't catch a cold during that walk with daddy... it was late and air gets cold in the outside... that might be the trigger for a cold, and he might be feeling poorly, body aching and that's why he needs the extra reassurance). After ruling out a medical condition, he's in the exact age for teething his molars (has HEidi catched a sight of them?). Usually one year molars give trouble during night time or sleep times (that is naps)because that's when they get to relax enough to "feel" the pain (if that makes some sense). Sometimes kids would switch behaviour from one day to another (just exactly how Rowan did) and there's no hint for molars for another 3 weeks. IF her ped ok's it, it would be useful to give some pain med (tylenol/motrin and some rubbing of oraljel) before bedtime routine to help Rowan relax for bedtime.

I have found in my own experience and by looking at some kids around here that they express pain through being extra clingy so my bet is on teething, along with the need of some tweaking in Rowan's daytime schedule.

HTH and keep us posted on Heidi's take on this. We'll be here for you girls!

[cwolff]

Thanks so much for your response.  Actually, he did get one molar a couple weeks back, and Heidi told me yesterday that she can see the other molar pushing up thru the skin.  I am going to find out how her night was last night, and then I will tell her exactly what you just told me.  Thanks again and I'll update.