THIS IS MAKING ME DEPRESSED (LITTERALLY)

[~Jency's*Momma~]

Okay...don't know where to start.
DS has always been a picky eater. But now he is making me actually depressed. IT started out that he decided that he does not want to have any finger food (except at his tv tray watching a movie for snack time) but instead wants to be fork/spoon fed. If I try to give it to him he mostly plays with it. Plus our table is on carpet and I don't have a mat under it yet.
This was annoying but now it's worse. He won't eat lunch or dinner.
This is what a normal day this last week or so has looked like.

7:30/8:00am 4oz milk (starts crying when it is gone. he drains it)
as soon as done has breakfast of .5-1 scrambled egg (used to eat on own now I must fork feed it to him) 3/4c oatmeal 1/4-1/2c fruit.
11:30am 4oz of milk (repeats the crying when drained, sometimes unless finds a toy or something)
Lunch shortly after. (todays lunch) 1/2 tomato, 1 cheese stick, 2 bites of banana, 1 bite of tuna sandwich.
3:30/4:00pm 4oz of milk (repeat above)
a couple handfuls of puffs or crackers or something like that
5:30/6:00 dinner. Normally it is the same as like the lunch above. 1-4 bites of meat, 1-4 bites veggies, a little bit of grains and a lot of fruit if offered.
Usually then he is grumpy all evening.
8:00pm drains 8oz bottle. (he used to eat a good lunch and dinner and only want 4oz of his bottle at this time)

(Tonight this is what happened)
He ate 1 pea and 1 bite of spanish rice and 1 bite of a chicken stick. Started crying. So I gave him a peice of bread. Still crying. He wouldn't take it torn apart but when he got the whole thing he tried to stuff it in his mouth because he couldn't bite off a peice. Then he started screaming. DH was afraid he would choke so he got him out of the chair and I dug my fingers in to get the peice out. He was screaming the whole time. I got him some oatmeal (loves the stuff). He finally went back to just crying and took a few bites of oatmeal and a drink of juice. But he only took 2-3 bites and started screaming again. So I went and rocked him. He settled down and we went back to the table and he took a few more bites of oatmeal and then wanted to play with the spoon and stuff but didn't want to eat any more.

So I guess I have 2 questions.
How do I get him to feed himself?
What do I do about him not eating and not wanting to eat anything after lunch!!??? I read they should get 1300 calories so today I added it up and it was like only 850ish!!

[~Jency's*Momma~]

Sometimes I don't explain things very well.
So please ask any questions if something isn't clear.
Also I may have to update or add things as I think of them because I don't write things out very well.
Sorry!

[mum101]

Hi Mama,

I hear ya!  This stuff can be so stressful.

I think you will got a lot of advice on this for sure!   

But my first recommendation to you is get a HUGE plastic mat and stick it under his chair, TODAY!    Especially as you say his chair is on carpet.  It doesn't matter how it looks. Secondly get one of the artsmock type bibs so it doesn't matter what happens with his food.  I think it takes a lot of pressure off the situation. 

A couple of questions...
How old is your DS exactly? 1?  Does he sleep through the night? Apart from your experience tonight, is he generally happy and fairly energetic? Does he seem unwell?

I would guess if he's sleeping through and fairly happy, he's getting enough food.  1300 calories is probably a guestimate.  If you are worried about his growth, you could go to the doctor or health nurse and get him checked.

My guess, assuming that his health is good, that perhaps the situation is getting stressful for all, including him. 
I suggest a good plan would be, get the plastic mat, give him a smaller bowl of food (purely so that it's not overwhelming and that a smaller amount of food hits the floor - u can offer him seconds), let him play, mash, taste etc.  Let him get messy.  Some of it will go in his mouth. This is hardest thing for me because I hate cleaning!  I found eating with bub too and them watching what you do is good.  If he sits there and then eats hardly anything that's ok.  Make it a fun, happy time.

Please know that is my guess! And to your second post, your post is easy to understand!
 

[tylersmommy]

Take a deep breath! Some things to consider...it's normal for toddlers' appetites to decrease big time after their 1st birthday. So expect him to eat less, and as long as he isn't waking at night from hunger or losing weight, then he's just doing what toddlers do. It's also totally normal for them to eat next to nothing for a few days, only to eat you out of house and home for a few days. Toddlers have an uncanny ability to regulate their appetites according to what their bodies need, so you can't look at each individual day. I've read in many articles that you should look at toddler nutrition over the course of several days, even a week, to get an accurate snapshot of their diets. And it's also really normal for them to eat lots early in the day and taper off as the day goes on. You might try adding in a mid-morning snack around 10-ish, and if he skips dinner you could always try and offer a small snack right before bed. And I wonder what would happen if you offered food first, then milk? Or milk in a sippy with the meal? It sounds like he just wants milk, so switching it up might get him used to relying on food to fill him up.

It sounds like mealtime is becoming a bit of a battleground. He can probably see your frustration, and he's likely figured out that he can get attention by refusing to eat or screaming. If you aren't already, try letting him choose between 2 things at mealtime. If he isn't verbal yet, you can hold them up and he can point. If he doesn't make a choice, you choose for him. If he screams, mealtime is over. I wouldn't recommend scrambling to get him something else to eat. Comfort him, calm him down, and try offering the meal again. Try and be matter of fact about it and not make it into a big deal.

I agree with mum101 about getting something to go under his chair. My kid's 2.5 and still goes through phases when he prefers I feed him with a spoon or fork, even though he can do it himself quite well. I imagine he'll get over it eventually, but I have no desire to fight with him about it. And if he wants to eat with his fingers, fine. It's all part of the learning process. Hope that helps!

[~Jency's*Momma~]

mum101: I keep planning on getting a mat for under the entire table area but either I don't have the time to go get one or the $ to go get one.KWIM?
He will be 1 tomorrow.  He does sleep through the night (finally) but he is very cranky after dinner and acts like he is hungry but won't eat anything at the table.  But then when it is time for his bedtime bottle he acts like he's starving and drains the whole thing!  I don't give him a bowl at all.  Should I be?  I just put peices of food on his tray for him.  Which used to work great but now he refuses to finger foods unless away from the table .  I do eat with him and I think that is why he wants to only eat with a fork or spoon.  Should I be getting him his own set now? I try giving him his baby spoons but then he just plays with the food instead of eating any.

Tylersmommy: I've heard about the apetite decreasing and increasing, which it has done for the past 6 months, but I thought that meant all day.  He will eat a HUGE breakfast and then not much lunch or dinner. I want to add a mid morning snack but he has a morning nap still and I would have to give it to him right in the middle.LOL.  I don't think that would work well.  He won't drink milk out of his sippy, only water and juice.  I thought about giving him the milk after lunch but he has always gotten it right after his nap so if I don't give him one then he wakes up and cries until lunch.  He doesn't get milk with dinner just water.

Thank you both for all your help.
I will get a mat ASAP!

[andibig]

tarzans mama
sorry to hear you are having such problems I agree with ryans mum that mealtimes sound like they are turning into a battleground and he is picking up on your frustration. DD was a picky eater until i learnt to ignore the throwing of food etc. i put food in her bowl or straight onto her tray (or she will LOL) but she does like to eat off my plate as well (even if we are eating the same things!)
also when they hit 1 their appetites go way down. i wouldn't go by how many calories you think he needs (you'll drive yourself mad) but how he is generally-active and alert etc
HTH

[mum101]

Tarzans' mama, I bought a smallish piece of plastic from Spotlight (a homewares store) and it was really cheap. Something like that might help you in the meantime until you get one for the whole table.  I find it's great because I don't have to move the table to take the plastic outside and hose it down on occassion!!

I reckon you should get him his own set of cutlery and let him play.  I think play is important, don't worry how much he squishes in his hands.  He will get over playing with the cutlery, it's probably a novelty.  Does he have a special tv character?  I think if Rory gets to be a pain I will get her a special 'Dora the Explorer' set - she loves Dora!

I found DD has 3 stages - eat with fork because she's determined, eat with fingers because she's still hungry and it's quicker than fork, then plays with food (that's my crucial time frame for removing the bowl!).  She was pretty determined from early on and refused us feeding her for a long time. 

PS maybe he's getting too tired and grumpy by dinner time and milk is easier to fill him. 
good luck!

[ks6]

Hi, Adria.  Did you say that Jency wants to be spoon/fork fed?  I still feed Dave.  He wants nothing to do with feeding himself yet.  He also wants to be fed what's on MY plate.  Maybe that's the new attraction--what's on mommy's plate?   I just alternate at mealtimes--a bite for Dave, a bite for mommy.  Annoying, but it works.  Two other things that always cause eating problems here are teeth and constipation.  Just a thought.

[dkjokisch]

We've had our share of food battles, and I stressed alot over it as dd has always been underweight (off the bottom of the charts).  But once she got old enough to eat what we have for dinner (about 13/14mos), I put some on her tray (now on a plate on the table), and let her have at it.  Some days she eats, some days she doesn't.  She does tend to eat more at breakfast and lunch, and I think that's normal.  We help her with her utensils if she asks, but she still eats with her fingers most of the time.  I did find as she increased her milk intake after weaning that she reached a point where she was getting too much and it was affecting her appetite, so I have cut her back to 16-18oz per day.

Do you have an old plastic shower curtain you could put under the chair?  Have you tried moving lunch a bit earlier and offering the milk after?  An 11:30am bottle may be affecting his appetite for lunch.