Author Topic: accidental parenting  (Read 634 times)

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Offline CJF

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accidental parenting
« on: June 29, 2006, 19:45:09 pm »
i was wondering if anyone has any ideas for me...i have been doing some accidental parenting :-[ and now it is time to get back ontrack with things.  since the birth of my son (2 months old) my dd won't sleep in her own bed (she is 2).  i let her come in my bed at first because it was just easier with just having the baby.  frankly it was quite easy at bed time, i would nurse the baby to sleep and put him in his bassinet (which is next to my bed) and she would fall asleep on the bed next to me.  this is still going on, but i think it is time she gets back into her own bed so this isn't going on forever.  she also takes a nap on my bed during the day (which i don't mind all that much, but i know i need to be consistent) and ds takes a nap in his pack-n-play downstairs with me (at the moment).  i plan on moving ds to him room very soon.  do you think i should deal with getting dd back into her bed first or tackle it all at once?  do you have any ideas on how i can get dd back into her own bed without many struggles?
 oh, i should mention that i think this all started well,  for the pure fact that ds was born and he is in my room with me and becasue the week he was born we were apart for the entire week and then i come home with a new baby.  dd was at grandma's mon-wed, she came home on wed. around dinner time then went to bed (in her own bed at that time) and my water broke during the night so we left for the hospital, grandma was there in the morning for dd (all of a sudden no mommy).  and then i came home on saturday when i had to be rushed back to the hopital due to high blood pressure.  dd was put to bed by my sil that night.  the next night was when it all went down hill...she would wake up screaming!  :o  so just to make things easier i  just let her sleep in bed with me--she just seemed so scared. 
any advice would be greatly appreciated!!  thank you!!
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Joey 4/20/06

Offline Florencia

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Re: accidental parenting
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2006, 17:05:11 pm »
First of all Carolyn my apologies for taking so long to answer your post. THe site's been cooky lately and it appears to be down when i happen to log in.

I am hesitant to about what to advice. My standard advice would be go cold turkey and move her to her room TONIGHT. Maybe you can plan ahead for a couple of days telling her how exciting it will be to sleep in her room again and how she has to teach little bro to sleep in his own room, and she has to play big sister role, etc. Then you could buy an special item for her room, like a new pillow, new sheets, a new teddy bear/dolly that will go to sleep with her. The idea is to make an excitement ocassion out of the moving. She's old enough to understand the trade and the reasons so you have to talk to her about this a lot and continuosly to make her get in tune with the plan. She can even choose if she'll nap in her own room or at mommies (she might want to stay at mommies for naps for a while but since you say you don't mind i think this can make a good compromise).

Then is the whole changing environment playing a role (The vacation, the birth and then your sudden disappearance because of high  blood pressure). I'm sure it was pretty traumatic on her and I'm sure you did the right thing too by letting her in your bed while the turmoil lasted. As Im sure it has happened plenty of time to recover from the original shock and start looking for things being the same as they were. She had reassurance and now things are "normal" again, it's time to move on. She's now used to her little brother's presence in house and in another couple of months she won't even remember life without him so I'm sure the newness is over. Besides, since you're thinking to move lil bro to his room soon, you can make her "help" you do that by showing him. I'm sure she'll be thrilled with it and most willing to cooperate. THen you can say out loud in front of everyone how helpful she was by showing Lil bro how to sleep on his own room.

Although some resistance is to be expected, I'm sure you can deal with it as long as you prepare yourself for a week of struggle. That means that either dad/grandma are on board for a few rough nights where you'll have to be doing either walk in/ walk out or gradual withdrawal or toddler pd (depending on her temperament and whatever you think suits you best, the methods are described in the FAQ's section at the top of this forum under the TItle Teaching Independent Sleep). I don't think it will take you longer than a week since she's old enough to understand and more over, since you've been reassuring towards her when things had gotten rough so she knows mommy will be there for her when she needs it and shouldn't take this process anxiously. However, this kiddos can surprise us and come up with weird reactions. DOn't worry about it, we'll be here for you during this process, whatever you choose and decide. Keep us posted on your progress.
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