I am so confused and have so many questions

[kellid54299]

Where do I start...

When my now 3 month old started to sleep awful at night I bought the BW book and read it cover to cover.  I found it not to be working and came here for more help but seem to now have more questions then answers!

She is 3 months, about 14 pounds.  100% breastfeed.  We try to put her to bed at 8 pm and she wakes up at 5am every morning.  For a long time she was only waking at 2 am to feed but since she turned 2 months it has become a 2 - 4 wakings a night.  Most of the time she feeds then goes right back to sleep but often it is a fight to get her back.  According to the book she is part Textbook part Touchy baby but if you ask me she is more Touchy.  I do not have much of a schedule right now because I am still on trial and error but a normal E.A.S.Y cycle lasts 3 hours.

1. She wakes up at 5 am and hour hour later is ready for a nap.  It is suggested to help them sleep better at night to push back the first morning nap.  How can I do that if she is totally exhausted, yawning, cranky and rubbing her eyes?

2. To sleep I will rock her and sing the 'cue' song until she has quieted and calmed herself.  We then move to the bedroom to swaddle and put her in her bassinet.  IF she is calm I will leave the room but if she is crying I use the 'pat and shhhh' method.  This usually totally upsets her and she starts crying....then screaming.  Even after 20 min (I have not been able to wait the 45 min, she starts to gag and cough after 20 min) she is still screaming and shows no sign of getting tired.  I will pick her up and pat her until she is calm but once I lay her down she starts screaming again...do I pick her up again right away or do I have to wait?  Also I have caved and given her my breast and she will fall asleep in 30 seconds.  I know that is so wrong but after an hour of her screaming I just want her to go to sleep.

3. Naps tend to be the 45 min sleep cycle and she is up.  Most of the time once she sees me she will stop crying and smile and coo at me.  She doesn't seem tired at all and 'pat and shhh' will not put her back to sleep.  I get her up but during the feeding she falls asleep.

4. naps go more smoothly then bedtime.  At bedtime she can scream for an hour and will not go to sleep without nursing or rocking.  I think this is because she is overtired but has only been up for a few hours and I can't get another nap in there or we will run into bed time.

5.  If  I went by her 'cues' she would be sleeping all the time, she yawns and rubs her eyes sometimes 1/2 hour after waking.  This is even on a good day when she has had great long naps.  According to the book I should put her down when I see the sleep cues but I need her to be awake some of the time.

6. As I type this she is sleeping in her car seat because she fell asleep while I was running errands.  If I leave her in her seat she will sleep for hours.  Do I leave her or try to transfer her to her bed?

[Antoinesmom]

My first instinc is to say that she is over tired. Starting the day at 5 is too ealy, once fed she should be back in bed until 7. Don't keep her up for activities early in the morning your setting up for trouble. Does she eat at 5? If not you could try the wake to sleep technique. YOu go in a half hour to an hour before she normally wakes up, reswaddle, give the paci back, anything to make her stir just a little and then leave her to fall asleep again. What it does is make her restart a new sleep cycle.

My son did start waking early around 3 months too, we did the wake to sleep, which worked for a period of two weeks. Then I just started waiting longer to go in as he just fussed. Sometimes he'd fall asleep others he'd start to cry.

YOu mentionned that the shush pat doesn't work on your LO, Tracy did mentionned in her third book that Touchy babies may find the pat too stimulating/distracting to fall asleep. Try just rubbing her back or belly; or simply keep a hand on her back while shushing pass her ear.

This usually totally upsets her and she starts crying....then screaming.  Even after 20 min (I have not been able to wait the 45 min, she starts to gag and cough after 20 min) she is still screaming and shows no sign of getting tired.  I will pick her up and pat her until she is calm but once I lay her down she starts screaming again...do I pick her up again right away or do I have to wait?

You should try to calm her in her bed before picking her up. At the age she is at you should keep her in your arms until she is calmer and just snuffling the cry. Then put her down but stay with her.

Hope this helps, I gotta go my son is waking.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Ditto to Antoinesmom. I'm also thinking that she might be sleeping so much (or wanting to) for her 3 mo. growth spurt. Most LOs have a huge spurt at 3 months. The body can only release the growth hormone while asleep, so when they have a spurt it's important that you let them sleep even if it throws the routine off for a couple days.

EASY is not always easy - it's a lot of work actually, but it truly does pay off. Please don't take this in a harsh way, but it's very important that you be consistent and it doesn't sound to me like that's happening right now. You need to get on a routine and stick to it. LOs really thrive on that and even if it might be rough for a few days during the transition, you will be so glad that you did it.

[Antoinesmom]

Totally agree there Colin Mac's mom, consistancy is really the key. What helps us was that I kept my hubby informed of the way I would deal with my LO during the day and naptime, as soon as my DH noticed a change he would tell me right away and would help me go back on track. It took a while for us to get our system going but in the end that's what helped us all get the good routine on.

Does your LO have her naps around the same time everyday? Tracy did suggest in the book as well that for the first two days before implementing EASY to write down your day, when she eats, plays and sleep. This will help you see a pattern that can help you get started with EASY. The third to seventh day or longer you start implementing EASY by starting your day at 7am. and going on the three hour routine. She did mentionned when starting to implement EASY to be a little bit of a clock hog as you are reprogramming the natural routine your LO is use too.

As for sleep, you must really be persistant and not cave in to give the breast. Yes it can be hard on everyone to have that dear LO crying so hard, but if you cave in your not helping the situation. Crying is her way of telling you her frustration that you are changing her internal routine and possibly way of putting her down. Just be patient and strong will, if need be go out of the room for a breather and get hubby involved. We would switch after a while just so I could go take a breather outside and have someone with our son continuing to try to calm him. At first he did fall asleep from exhaustion but eventually he started to understand that going to sleep wasn't so bad and mom and dad were there for him when he needed us.

You can do it. It does take time and a strong will to see it through, with that you will reach your goal. It can be very hard and exhausting to help me keep my sanity when he was hard I did three things. Not sure if this will help you but here goes. 1. Talk to a friend (mostly hubby or my mom) about the frustration and other feelings. 2. I had a note over my son's crib saying; Be patient and persistant you are strong willed and will acheive your goal, Stay focus. 3. Wrote on BW message boards everyday. They all worked together and helped me stay on top. The note in my son's bedroom did marvel during the hard times to put him down.

Kellid54299 how are things going lately?

[Lucysmom]

If I leave her in her seat she will sleep for hours.

  So does she seem to sleep better when she is not laying completely flat?  If yes, she may have reflux and you might want to try elevating one end of her crib mattress.  There is loads of information about reflux on the colic, reflux, and crying board here so maybe check it out.  Just a thought but I thought I would just throw it out there just in case....

[kellid54299]

thank you ladies for all your advice.  I have not been very consistant and I know this is a major part of my prolem.  I am going back to work this week and I fear I will never get her on a routine.  The good news is that my Mother will have her druing the day at her daycare and all the kids there sleep well and on a routine.  Maybe I will only have to worry about the nightime sleep with her.

Thanks again

[Colin Macs Mom]

Before you go back to work I think that you should really try and get a routine at least planned if not implemented and make sure that everyone who will be caring for her is on the same page.