DESPERATE MUMMY PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!

[Ameliajeansmummy]

Hi all

I am at my wits end.  thru sheer desperation I went to a book store last week because I refused to believe that my 14 week olds sleeping habits fine as many people advised me because she sleeps thru the night, (never goes down the same time or wakes at same time).  I was lucky enough to pick up the last copy of the BW.  I almost cried the entire time while reading it.  Partly from relief and partly from guilt as my lo's bad habits are all my fault.   I really wish that I read the book while pregnant.  I discovered I have a touchy baby.

Now I have to fix what I broke and I really hope someone can help me.  I have made the basic error by Tracey says making my baby boob dumb.    and have taken away her voice.  I misread her cues as hunger   and now we are imbedded in a bad cycle. Aj hated the dummy and would not take it.   I never had a routine as I have been waiting for her to tell me what her routine will be and I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. also when Amelia was born my husband and I were moving interstate so we could be closer to my family (first grandchild) and I could have the support from my mum.  So basically we had until recently been living in a state of chaos.  we arrived here 4 weeks ago, but previously we had been packing our house, well I packed the house when I was'nt bf i was packing ( i now realise this was a HUGE mistake) then we stayed with friends for 3 weeks while Aj got over her flu so we could fly.  We have been out of wack since day one.

I am now desparate to start EASY and help my lo to be happier.  What I need is advice on how to get started, how to cope with the crying (ive tried sh/pat and she ends up being hysterical) partly because I think i have missed her cues and gotten to overtired but i have tried to read her cues in the last few days but i dont seem to be able to!  Whats wrong with me??  Shouldnt this be natural??


How long do you think it will take to "re train" her?  Because we are already starting behind the 8 ball with her being 3mths I am worried i have done her harm and it will take ages to "fix"her.

E
She generally feeds 2-  2 1/2 hrs  I can make it to 3  but because she doesn't have a good nap she ends up cranky and hard to calm.  We do not go out much mostly to parents but she freaks out when the whole family is over for lunch either my hubby and i have to take turns eaiting while the other takes her for 1 on 1 because she gets so upset if in the same room as all of us. 

A
How long should her A time be for 14 week old?  Does anyone think it is worth having A time and then going for a walk in the pram for her to sleep in just to get her in the routing of sleeping and then transistion her into the cradle??  Any suggestions on activities they wont over stimulate her much.  I can not leave her to play on her own for more than a few minutes and if she realises that I have left the room she cracks it.  Would anyone recommend pu/pd to solve this problem?/

S
Basically she does not have proper (naps thru the day.  she falls asleep on the boob and then if i am feeling brave i will attempt to put her down, sometimes she will stay down for 20 mins then wake, if we have had a bad day i will let her sleep  on the bf pillow.  the prob is i am stuck cant go anywhere or do anything.  Sometimes she will sleep for 30mnisif nothing else wakes her and startles her she may sleep for 1 hr .  She will usually go to sleep around 9.00 -10.00pm and yes she sleeps thru until about beteen 5.30 -6.30 but only because she us exhausted and getting her down is a nightmare because (i now know overstimulated). 
Everybody kept telling me wait she will tell you her routine, and oh her sleeping is fine she is sleeping thru the night isnt she? I should have trusted my own instincts and done something earlier. 

Y
I get to shower and on a good day i get 2 showers.  that is pretty much it.  for some reason daddy cant even calm her, it must be me.  Each night we are perservering with daddy time though so learns its ok not to be with me all the time.  We are going to try daddy doing the wind down and bath routine and see how that goes.

I tried to do the EASY today but caved when I started to question if i was doing things right so thought i would get on and get some advice on how to retrain a 3mth old touchy and have all the info i need so i am less likely to regress.

So with trying the EASY today and then regressing we have had the day from HELL but she is sleeping now (its 9.30pm  here in Aust)
so will i in a few moments.  This is worrying me so much i am concerned it will turn into postnat because at times today I said to myself cry becuse for some reason i cant calm you so just cry Aj.   then i would get upset because i cant calm her when she gets to the overtired and she jumps stright on the hysteria bus and unfortunatley at the time it feels like a 1 way ticket and then all of a sudden she will get distracted and follow with a gummy grin with a giggle and i cant help but laugh.   

Any suggestions on how to help would be appreciated very much by this stressed out mum.  Routines and Wind down routines would be great.  Aj weighs nearly 6 kilos.   I am dedicated to fixing my lo.

Many thanks
Natalie   

[corrina01]

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))  Natalie

Don't worry have a look at the FAQ's board  at the top of the page.

Just click on the link below

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=82.0
 
You will want to read

***HOW TO START YOUR BABY ON EASY - PLEASE READ PRIOR TO POSTING

Three-day magic: The ABC cure for Accidental Parenting (inc. Troubleshooter)

What is EASY?/ The benefits of using EASY


You will not need to do PU/PD as this will overstimulate her to much.

What you have to remember is keep yourself calm, as your DD is picking up on the tension you are creating, and that makes babies cry.  I know it will be hard.

Any more questions after you have read the above the posts, please ask.

[Sanne]

My suggestion: also buy Tracy's second book where she solves all your problems!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743488946/sr=8-2/qid=1152695146/ref=pd_bbs_2/102-7923025-7400103?ie=UTF8
I'm also a new mommy and I'm reading the second book as we speak. It's a lifesaver. You'll feel even more confident and don't give up after day one! it's going to be hard but it does work! I placed a desperate thread here last week and I'm doing so much better already. Hold on! Stay strong and you'll do it..
Good luck.

[albertasweetpea]

Natalie - I just wanted to give you a huge HUG and let you know that you are not alone. Please do not ever feel bad for thinking you created "problems". You did what you knew best to do and now that you know better, you can do better!!     
I didn't start BW/EASY with Molly until she was about 3 months old, so don't fret!! It will take time, but you can and will do it and your darling little AmeliaJean will more than likely surprise you.

AJ's sleeping sounds very much like Molly's was her first few months. I was suffering from PPD (still am  ) and could not sleep at night and could not rest during the day as she would only ever "cat nap" for a maximum of 30 minutes at a time! Everyone would say "sleep when your baby sleeps" riiiiiiiiiiight! If only it were that easy.

Molly too would get hysterical when we did the shhh/pat. As long as you are there, with a loving hand and a calming voice, it is ok for her to cry. She knows you are there, she just doesn't understand that you are trying to help her. Some people have suggested using ear plugs for yourself if the crying really is bothersome for you. We also took a break from the shhhhhhh'ing when our lips got numb. LOL We bought a sound machine and played that very loud sometimes. We did sleep training with Molly for what seemed like FOREVER. I thought it would never end...but eventually SHE GOT IT!! We are now so happy that she goes down without a peep for her nap and at bedtime. Sure, we still get the occasional bouts of night wakings, but knowing that she does know how to get herself back to sleep is a blessing.

In my opinion, at the beginning, I would go with the walks in the stroller just to get her well rested. It is going to be a much harder battle with the sleep training if she is overtired. Also, have you tried doing a short "activity" after you bf her? Perhaps just sitting with her reading a book, or looking at things around the house? The main part of EASY is that you are not feeding her to sleep.

Just keep at it, baby steps every day. We are here for you whenever you have questions. PM me if you prefer. Remember, we have all been there and can totally relate to what you are going through! Hang in there! 

[Ameliajeansmummy]

Hi guys

Thanks for replying to my post and thanks for the hugs.  Sorry it has taken so long to let you know how  we are going.

We started the easy routine Tuesday  and I just want to make sure I am doing the right things (even after reading the FAQs) 

The routine it as follows.

6am    Eat
630    Activity
730    Wind down  (nappy + nursery rhyme+ kisses then into cradle)
745    Sleep
900    Eat
930    Activity
1015  Wind down
1030  Sleep
1200  Eat
1230  Activity
 115   Wind down
 130  Sleep
 300  Eat
 330 Pram to get Daddy from work
 430 Daddy Time
 530  Activity (while mummy and daddy eat)
 600 Bath + massage + story then into cradle
 630 Sleep  ( I wish)

am undecided abou the dream feed and need to read up on it..  Do you reccommed it?

I read Traceys interview and then a condensed version which advocvated pu/pd for 4mth old.  So we have been doing the pu/pd.  Corrina I know that you said I should not be doing pu/pd as it will overstimulate her but the interview said I could, do you think b/c she is a touchey baby that is why i should not be doing pu/pd.  If i dont do pu/pd does that mean that I should be just putting her in her cradle and shh'patting and not picking her up???   She gets hysterical while in the cradle but at least after a while she does drop off after doing pu/pd.


Tuesday
The day started well with Eat then Activity and then I had her asleep within 15 min doing pu/pd and shh/pat (at this point I a thinking Easy Peasy) she slept for 45 min I tried to get her back to sleep but failed so did A until her next feed time.  the rest of the day seemed to go the same way I could not extend  her sleep longer than the original 45min this continued even throught out the night when I thought she would at least sleep through exhaustion.  Not so!! I decided to sleep on her floor at this point so I could at least grab 40 winks till she woke up again as i felt i was wasting sleeping opportunities for me going backward and forward to her room.   Finally at 4am I got her back to sleep and she slept until 6.30am.

Wednesday
We began the same as yesterday only this time she has only slept in 20 min increments.  when i tried to put her down 1 hour ago i stayed in her room for 20 minutes and at the 15 min mark i put my hand on her hoping this would help get her into the next sleep cycle I thought this had worked only she woke at 30 mins instead.  I honestly had moments of "  what the hell am i doing at least she slept before not well but atleast she slept"  plus due to my exhaustion tring to sleep when she slept is impossible.  I did not cave and will not because making her cry for 2 days only to rely on old habits is cruel. 
I guess we will have to see how tonight goes.  she really should be beyond exhaustion now but cant seem to sleep.  \
How can i get her to sleep???  Ideas welcome.

Thusday
Last night she slept from 7.30 until 5.30 (theres the exhaustion) i gave her a feed but put her back down awake and then she went to sleep until 7.15.  then i fed her at 9.30 and she went down for a sleep at 10.00 and slept until 12.00.  I thought I had had a breakthrough becasue she went down so easy and this is the longest she has slept since she was a newborn.  Then the arvo took a turn for the worse and she only napped for 20 min increments and woke screaming.  again she went down at 7.30pm

Friday
she woke at 2.30am for a feed and then at 6.00 and today it feels like i am back at square one with the screaming i just do not think she is getting it or i must be doing it wrong!  today i managed to get one 1 hour sleep this morning but when i take her in for her wind down as soon as i close the curtians she starts screaming b/c she knows what is coming. 

Do you think i am missing her cues??  I am trying really hard to get them right and dont know what else to do.


When she is crying her most agonising cry is when i am at my worst as i feel soooo guilty    that thru my mistakes I am making her pay.   I just keep telling her that i know it is hard but I promise it will get better. 

Can you see if I am doing all the right things or if I am not what should I be doing???  I am trying to stay positive but i thought I would see improvements by now,  do you think that because she is a Touchey baby that is why it is taking bit longer??

I am also using music for dreaming because I need something to block out House Noise as we live with my brother and his wife until we find our own house.

How long should I sh/patting her for??  How long does it generally take for a 4 mth old to get into a deep sleep??  Any other advice??

tomorrow daddy starts his new job and it is within walking distance so we will be picking him up and walking home together. 

Also we have just moved her into her own room do you think this has had an impact and if so should we move her back until we get things on track??

Thanks heaps guys

Albertsweetpea
I will pm you when i get another free moment.  Thanks for the support

[corrina01]

Natalie

You are right in doing right in PU/PD.  PU/PD is only for the 4months and over, under 4 months this will stimulate the babies to much.

I think your DD is overtired that is why she is having short naps.  Try keeping A times to 1hr 30min including the winddown.

How long should I sh/patting her for??  How long does it generally take for a 4 mth old to get into a deep sleep??  Any other advice??

Just until she is calm and not crying.  It takes about 20mins for babies to go into a deep sleep.

Also we have just moved her into her own room do you think this has had an impact and if so should we move her back until we get things on track??

Have you tried playing with her in her own room to let her get used to it?  That was what I did with my DD, and playing with her in her cot so she didn't think of her cot as a prison.

[rinajack]

Hope things are going better, but if not I have a couple of suggestions:

1) Do you feed as part of the bed time process?  Your schedule shows the last feed before bed being 3:30.  My 4mo dd bedtime is bath, bottle, story, bed (the story is 5 sentences, but she already loves it, and that is how I make sure I don't put her to sleep feeding (if she falls asleep she wakes up for the story).

2) Have you tried a relaxation bath?  When I first started the bed time routine I would make the bath Very Warm (so dd came out all pink).  Babies find this relaxing - a couple of times dd fell asleep in the bath! (think what you feel like when you have a hot bath).  This was amazing for us, as DD was colic/reflux/wind - the whole works.  Sometimes if her screaming was bad (this was before I started EASY), I would use these baths more than once a day.

3) What do you do for your nap wind down time?  (sorry, I just saw your routine) - but I just cuddle and hold, with the dummy in and her lovie.  No patting or shhing as my dd find that stimulating, I just make it a really lovely cuddle time. At first these cuddles went for 20-40 mins (I have a spirited baby, long time to transition from A to S), and I would only put her down when really drowsy.  As time went on, this got shorter and shorter, now is often only 1 minute and if I hold longer she cries to be put down. I don't sing or anything, as she loves singing and we instead do this in A time.

4) I started when dd 10 weeks, and started wind down at very first sign of tiredness - only one yawn or whatever, and only changed that once she new how to fall asleep.

5) Music keeps my baby awake, she loves it - I put a TV on just outside her room to block out house noise.

These are just some things that helped me, hope it helps you too.  Oh, and one more thing - we patted and patted for some of the night ones, but when we started to get frustrated we would swap - I think if you get tired and frustrated it shows in your pat - can you and husband do shifts?  DH and I swapped every 5-10 mins for a couple of nights (and that was all it took)

Good luck