Struggling with multiple nightwaking - need some sleep!

[jltomlinso]

My Touchy DD has never slept through the night but my biggest problem is trying to figure out what she needs (Should I wrap her? unwrap her? feed her? give her paci? pick her up? change her diaper? Just let her cry, hoping she will wind down?).  I would be happy if it was just one time, but 3-4 times is very frustrating. Here's her info:

How old is your child? 4.5 months (20 weeks)
What’s his/her daily routine? Wake at 6:30 am (tried for 7 am, but didn't work). The day usually starts fairly well on a 4 hour EASY routine, but switches to a 3 hour routine by the end of the day. She's very inconsistent on her nap times, but here is her rough schedule:
6:45 - E
8:30 - S
10:30 - E
12:30 - S
2 pm - E
3:30 - S
5 pm - E
7 pm - E (bedtime)
10 pm - DF
If her naps are too short I try extending them (re wrapping her, paci, holding her arms and legs), but if it takes longer than 20-30 minutes, I just get her up and feed her which messes up the rest of her day. Then I just try my best to read her cries and figure out whether she needs to eat, sleep, or just change the scenery. A couple weeks ago I tried to gradually move her to a full 4 hour schedule, but once I dropped a feeding, her nights got worse which in turn screwed up her days.
What’s nap routine? I take her into her darkened room, sound machine on, pace back and forth 2-3 times, hold her still for a minute (she usually fusses and cries so I put her down). I place her on her blanket and wrap it around her (semi swaddle). If I read her sleep signs well and put her down in time, she will fall asleep very well. If not and she is really screaming I give her a paci and she settles. Sometimes it takes a few tries of holding her arms and legs so they don't keep her up and putting her paci back in.
How long are naps? They range from 45 minutes to 1.5 hrs although she occasionally sleeps 2 hours for her first nap of the day (probably because she is tired from the night before).
What's bedtime routine? Time? 6:45 - Bath and PJs, 7pm - quick massage, feed. Usually by 7:20pm she falls asleep so I try not to wake her as I place her in crib on her blanket and wrap it around her.
Do you bottle or breastfed?? Breastfeed. Also, my DD has reflux. She has been on medication for the past 2.5 months which is working very well, but I still make sure I keep her upright after every feeding.
How much? or how long? 5-10 minutes. Sometimes she only feeds for 3-4 minutes, but at her 4 month doctor appt she was gaining weight very well, so I know I'm giving her enough.
If breastfed.. one side or both?? (at each feed) I only feed on one side at a time. I have an oversupply issue so a lactation consultant recommended this. Otherwise I was choking my DD and leaking all the time.
How many wakes per night? 3-4
What’s your LO like when waking at night? How long is he/she up? She wakes herself up by either grabbing her blanket and sucking on it or grabbing her feet. She will start whining and it just escalates after that. It seems she can't get herself back to sleep because her arms and legs are moving all over.
When you go to him/her is she fussing or crying? Or is it a mantra cry? She is whining and then crying.
What have you tried to settle?? About 6 weeks ago I used PU/PD to teach her to fall asleep on her own which worked, but after 2 weeks, she started to struggle. Now, picking her up just seems to make her more angry and talking to her (even a soft voice) seems to upset her also. At this point, the only thing that works is to reswaddle her (tight) with her arms down and giving her a paci. I also have to lay my hands on her arms and legs to hold them down for a while. It usually takes about 15-20 minutes. After about the 3rd waking (around 4 am) I finally feed her and she falls asleep until 6:30 am.
What do you do for A time and how long is it? I try not to keep her up longer that 2 hours at a time because she gets very overtired. Some of the things we do are: play on a blanket on the floor (we're working on rolling over now), in her bouncy seat, take a walk outside, ride in the car, or if she's fussy I just hold her and walk around the house.
Are there developmental issues such as teething or milestones? Learning to grab at things (blanket, feet, etc.) is probably very stimulating now.
Have you introduced cereal? Why, how much, and how many times a day? (for LO’s under 6 months). I tried cereal a few days ago (pediatrician recommend it). She's only had it twice, but seems to like it.
Do they have a prop? If so what is it? Paci for sleep only. I've tried to take this away, but her cries turn to screams and it seems to be the only thing that works. Sometimes it only takes a few sucks and she's out. Other times she sucks for a long time before she falls asleep.
Do they have a lovie? no

I'm trying to fix her sleep issues, but obviously my attempts aren't working.  What should I do?  I desperately need some sleep.

Thanks

[Colin Macs Mom]

Hugs to you, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I have some additional questions and suggestions for you so I hope I can help! My DS was not a good sleeper for a loooong time and he also has reflux, so I know how you feel. 

Have you tried a 3.5 hour EASY? Sometimes LOs need a transition between and 3 and 4 hour routines - sounds like your DD may be one of those. Are you feeding after the DF during the night besides the 4am? She may need a feed earlier than that. Also, since she's having trouble with flailing limbs and is getting out of her swadlle, you might try the Aussie swaddle instead. I'll get the link and add it in here.
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=1439.0

Does she sleep on a wedge, or is her mattress elevated?

[jltomlinso]

Thanks for your quick reply.

I have been giving her a DF at 10 pm and when she wakes up at around 1:30 or 2 I usually do not feed her. I tried it once, but when she was up again at 4 am (too soon to feed her again) it took my DH and I over 1 hour to get her back to sleep.  For the past couple nights I have decided to drop the DF because I was struggling to stay up until 10pm and it didn't seem to be helping the nightwakings. When I did this, she would wake around 10:30-11pm, I'd feed her and then she was back up around 1:30-2 (paci to get back to sleep), and then 3 or 4am (feed her again). I figure that feeding her at the 2am waking was too much and didn't stop her from waking up again. So now she is eating at 7pm, 11pm, 4am, and 6:45am. Isn't that too much? And is there any way I can get rid of at least two of the nightwakings?

I did try the Aussie swaddle, but my DD would keep herself up as she tried to chew on the blanket. It seemed more frustrating to her and her whining would always escalate to crying so I knew she wouldn't settle. When I just lay her on her blanket and wrap it around her (as tight as I can get it) tucking it under her, she still gets out and then starts to chew on the ends. I'm thinking about getting rid of the blanket all together, but then I would have no way of keeping her arms down to get her settled enough to fall asleep.

Also, I do have her crib mattress elevated with books under one side.

Thanks for your help.

[Colin Macs Mom]

My goodness, are you sure she's not a little spirited as well as touchy?   

Good for you for dropping the DF if you felt it wasn't helping. For some LOs (like mine) it makes things worse instead of better. People often feel like they're supposed to do it so they keep at it even if it's not helping. But since you're dropping it, she will most likely need a feed sooner than 4am. 7pm - 4am is quite a long time for her age. If you try feeding her again at 2ish with no DF before that should help.

Have you tried PU/PD yet, now that she's over 4 mo? It sounds to me like she's having trouble settling. Did pat/shhhh work for you? In all honesty, having one or two wakings at her age wouldn't be at all unusual - but I think we can find a way to cut it down to that from your current wakes.    Is she waking at the same times or close each night? You could also try wake to sleep.