pls help - what should I do to start this change???

[Lori A]

Hi

I have a baby girl 4mths of age.  I also have two other kids 4 and 2.  my kids are all 20 mths apart. so I am a busy mom.  I learned with my third child not to nurse to sleep because I had problems with #1 and sleep.  I tried the baby whisperer method with #2 and it worked great.  I had a c-section with #2 and #3 ...this starts my problem.  It was so much easier to bring the baby into bed because it hurts to get out of bed all night. 

My lo sleeps with a soother so I am just happy that just can get to sleep on her own.  Her first nap in about 1.5 hours after waking and she sleeps for about 1 hour tops.  we then continue this all day. up for 1.5 hours down for 1 hour.  If she does not take a nap around supper time and I put her down early like around 7 she treats that like a nap and is very fussy.  I want her down for the night around 7:30-8 and then I want to try and bring her to a 7p.m bedtime closer to 6mths of age.  I will now post the answers to the questions and see if anyone can tell me where I should begin.  I am not sure if I should take the paci away or what.....oh, when she goes down for the night she get's up after 2 hours. this is when I have just gone to bed and I am already tired from dealing with three kids. so I just bring her into bed and nurse her back to sleep.  I have tried to give her the soother back but her she get's upset and starts to cry.  it would probably take another hour to settle her back of wailing.  so far she stays in my bed for the rest of the night and is up constantly looking of the boob.  I guess it is time to cut the co-sleeping and get her in the crib allnight.  I have had a sinus cold for almost 3 weeks and cannot fight it because I am soo tired.  I never get sick.  I also have to patience during the day and just need quiet time for my brain to rest.

okay so here are the answers to the questions

How old is your child? 4mths
What’s his/her daily routine? wakes up, nurse, sits in bouncy chair with rattle while the other two kids eat breakfast, tummy time, off to bed for nap - she has no trouble settling
What’s nap routine?soother, blanket against cheek, kicks out of swaddle
How long are naps?50 minutes - she has done 2 hours before - maybe twice
What's bedtime routine? Time? same as nap - bedtime around 7:30
Do you bottle or breastfed??breastfed
How much? or how long?15 minutes every 3 hours still, I will nurse to comfort her cries even though she does need the milk
If breastfed.. one side or both?? (at each feed)one  side for each feed
How many wakes per night?2-5
What’s your LO like when waking at night? How long is he/she up? fussy and then cries if I do not bring into my bed
When you go to him/her is she fussing or crying? Or is it a mantra cry?fussing then turns to a cry
What have you tried to settle??give soother back, pat bum
What do you do for A time and how long is it?tummy time, walks, bouncy chair - awake time is about 1.5 hours
Are there developmental issues such as teething or milestones?no
Have you introduced cereal? Why, howno

[Lori A]

does anyone ever answer these posts??? I find this board useless

[Lana]

does anyone ever answer these posts??? I find this board useless

Probably not the best way to get a response .  I can sense that you are feeling a bit sleep deprived and desperate and I am sorry that you are feeling that way but please try to keep in mind that the mods of these forums and any members that give advice aredoing so voluntarily and as such not required to answer your post. 

I myselsf am finding it difficult to answer.  You are saying that you want to change but what is it you want to change?  The cosleeping?  It seems that you have many reasons that you haven't changed it.  You need to be prepared to change the habits which can take time and mean more sleep deprivation in the short term. 

I had a C/S with both my boys and #2 slept in my bed for the first 5 weeks for the same reason.  However we ALWAYS got our of bed to feed (even when we coslept) that way you can't fall asleep as easy or as comfortably while feeding.  Are you feeding every three hours during the day?  Have you tried to extend naps?

[Jaime]

what should I do to start this change

in short.... decide what it is you want to change, and then commit to seeing it through.  i realize you have 2 other children & had to recover from a c-section, and then you got sick...that's enough to exhaust anybody.  you did what you had to up until now, and it was okay.

clearly, it is not okay anymore, or you wouldn't be here.    

it sounds to me like your lo is not napping well during the day.  she may go down easily, but she is not staying asleep long enough for it to be restful & restorative.  i would advise checking out the Nap FAQ board as they go into techniques you can use to help.  you need at least one really good nap out of her every day (preferably the afternoon nap, because hopefully your other 2 will be napping/have a quiet time)

since she is not napping well during the day, she is a bit overtired by the time she gets to bed, which is likely contributing to the night wakings.  i think you will see an improvement in her nighttimes once you can get her daytimes in line.

now.... you need to think about WHY she has such problems sleeping.  i agree with you - probably time to give up cosleeping.  you may not be nursing her to sleep, but i think she views nursing as a soothing technique, and she needs it to wind down enough to go to sleep.  this can help:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0

i think that's more than enough to start off with.  good luck & HTH 

[Ami ~ 3 girls' mom]

Welcome!  My kids are 20 and 24 months apart and I'm exhausted at the end of the day too.  Getting the baby back to sleep on her own is the last thing I want to do in the middle of the night.  It's tough but you have some great advice above.