Advice for bedtime problem with 22 month old

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

DD has been a fantastic sleeper since 5 months old but things have been slowly going down hill in the last week. Started with her screaming at call to prayer time at .7.55pm and 8.15 pm (bedtime is 7.30) so I went in and tucked her in and that was it. Last night she started hysterical screaming as soon as she went to bed and it took until 8.20 and in and out 6 times until she settled. Tonight was worse and it seemed like we didn't leave her room, unfortunately I sent dh and he sat on the spare bed and tried to calm her so then she went on to Daddy sit on the bed and Daddy gone. Dh can not take her crying and screaming like this and would have sat on the bed til she slept but I made him come out and took over ( and yes we fought about it!). She almost made herself sick a few times, asked for her sleeping bag off, to go in Mummys arms, for a drink of milk ( when she was coughing from crying), I said no milk but water and she giggled  : , gave her water and tucked her in again, lasted 30 seconds, told me she was coughing and needed water but I told her it was finished and she finally settled 50 mins after going to bed.
So what should I do for tomorrow night? Keep going in to resettle her? She doesnt get out of the cot is my main rule . Is going in to resettle her making her stay awake longer for attention along with the awful hysterics? Unfortunatley I can do nothing about the noise outside but she has always slept through this. Would really love some advice to nip this in the bud quick, dh is off on a weeklong business trip on Sunday.
By the way I have read the walk in walk out sticky and I leave even if she is still crying, wait and go back if she is crying.
Thanks for any advice you can offer,
Fiona

[deb]

With Josie, I had a lot of success talking about bedtime during the day: what would precede it, gong verbally through the bedtime routine, talking about expectations (eg staying in bed, if she needed hugs after bedtime she should hug her stuffed "bedtime buddies", that sort of thing), and bringing it up every time we went into her room, whether for playing or diaper change or naptime.

Does she react the same way at the other call to prayer times during the day? Or is it just the evening one beause she knows it's bedtime? Maybe you can move her bedtime earlier or later to avoid the coincidence w/call to prayer so she stops associating the two events so closely?

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Hi Deb,
Thanks for the quick reply. Bedtime routine has always been good, a few months ago she did ask to hold my hands when I put her in bed so I just told her to hold her dolls hands and that worked fine. I tell her to cuddle her doll  close her eyes and relax which worked before but not now. She doesn't react to the call to prayer at any other time during the day but then again I suppose it's not so loud and you have all the day to day noise from outside, in fact this evening for the earlier one she was singing along  I don't want to draw attention to it and tell her what it is and as for talking about bed time during the day if I mention it she starts to go on and on about it though I might try that from tomorrow late pm before dinner. She has no problems going down for her nap and sleeps for 2 hours after which I wake her.
If all else fails then I will have to move to an 8.30 bedtime which is really too late for me as I usually have to do dinner after she goes to bed, the other possiblity would be 7pm but then dh would never see her so he would not be too happy about that.
Will see how tomorrow night goes - dreading it already 

[Harrisonsmummy]

I have found with H that if I give him the benefit of the doubt he grabs it for all its worth!! He plays up on things so quickly, so I would be very firm as it sounds like the little monkey has found a chink in your armour and is going for it!

H will still stand up and whinge, but now I stand at the doorway and tell him VERY firmly to lay down etc. If he ignores me and smiles, I say "night" and go away again. I will not engage! I have learnt from experience - the other night he too threw a hysterical fit - I thought he must have hurt himself and went rushing in.....he was saying something about the fan! That had been on in his room for the last two weeks! He was trying it on! The next night he tried it again, I stood at the doorway briefly- told him not to be silly and left him to it. He got the message, stopped and went to sleep within minutes - I do not believe in CIO - it has taken me months of gradual wd to get this far and I am blowed if I am going backwards now!  But I do believe that at the age they are now they will try it on, and leaving them to it when they are playing up gives them the message quite quickly!

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but sometimes they seem to need a bit of a firmer approach! LOL! Bit like DH (who sounds a lot like yours - i have had to haul him out of  h's room too!)

Anyway good luck with whatever you do!

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Harrisons Mummy,
Yes dh is a wuss  I think I may have a better chance of getting back on track when he actually leaves. I have always been fairly strong until now but the screaming is so bad it's impossible not to intervene,she quietens down and then starts again. I know she has found the chink, I jut need to hammer it out again  I was the one who did the initial sleep training, got rid of the paci, did the sitting up in bed routine, did the seperation anxiety, kind of hoped I might be able to count on dh for this one but I guess not, Gosh he was practically crying himself and he gave me a really hard time and really shouted at me which didn't help matters. He also insists on having the tv on before bedtime though she is so aware of everything she sees on it- not that she was watching tonight, will also wind her up while I change her diaper 5 mins befoe bed, until now this has never been important and hasnt interfered, we will see how next week goes to my rules.
To be honest the thing that gets me most is that she is upset enough to make herself sick, while talking about it I say if she does then I will just change everything and put her back, but of course reality is tough.

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Hi All,
thanks for the advice, really helpful. I kind of thought just to keep doing what I was doing but you know sometimes how you doubt yourself and it was a bit of a shock the bedtime horrors after having it good for so long. Anyway, update, on the night I posted I got a 2am call to come and be tucked in, she only has a sheet over her grobag for tucking in purposes so next day I told her it was too hot and she didnt need it any more, so it's gone. I did walk in walk out about 4 times the next night, the night after went to her cot 2 and the other 2 times just stuck my head in the door and said night. She tried every trick in the book, including " Medicine, medicine, L needs medicine" cos I pretended to give her calpol the night before. Anyway dh has been gone on a business trip for 2 nights and we have done things my way, no tv at all, it's usually him who watches, no exciting games or chasing or swinging, lots of helping Mummy tidy up, nursery rhymes and books plus moved bed time back only by 5 mins but this gives her 30 mins to settle before the first external call to prayer and for both of these nights she has settled easily and I have not had to go back in. I also did a lot of talking about bed time after her afternoon nap and what is expected of her and that she doesn't need to call me and her dolly needs to sleep so she has to sleep too.  I keep the tv on at normal volume but the usual household noises of me cooking and getting dishes out of cupboards etc is missing as is me and dh chatting, do you think this is somthing I should worry about?  I hope things don't change when dh comes back but I think it will be a harder battle to get him to go with the new routine than it was to get dd back into it.
thanks again for all the advice and hopefully I haven't jinxed myself now.   ( I usually do )