Separation anxiety? - Super DAD...

[freitas]

Hi, I need help with my 1 year old baby.

Since 2 weeks ago, she has been having sleeping problems. I assume it's separation anxiety because she sleeps well until 3 or 4 in the morning and then she starts crying. I go to her room to keep her calm, lye her down and she starts to sleep, then I walk away, close the door and she starts crying. I tried sitting close to her, holding her hand until she falls asleep, but she sleeps about 10 minutes and starts crying again The only thing that works is bringing her bed to my room, close to mine, that way, when she starts crying I hold her hand and she falls asleep again. This way it has worked. But I don't want to bring her bed to my room every night...

Now I'm on holidays and I would like to solve this problem.

From what I've read in other posts, I believe I have to change her daily routine in order to help solding this problem.

This is her routine:

08:00 Wake up
08:30 eat
activity
11:30 eat
11:45 sleep 1 hour to 1,30 minutes
activity all afternoon
14:30/1500 eat
rarely sleeps
18:00 eat
18:15 sleeps 1 hour to 1,30 minutes
activity
21:30 bath + eat
22:00 go to bed
03:00/04:00 wakes up comes to my room and sleeps although cries sometimes during the sleep

Well, from what I've read, she shouldn't sleep so late in the afternon, but the problem is that she doesn't want to go to bed earlier Shall I force her to nap earlier on both naps? How?

She eats well and is always very happy. She is trying to walk by herself now and wants to explore everything... so she is very excited during the day.

Is there anything I can do to improve her sleep?

[Ennypen]

May I share my routine with you?

As you can see from my ticker William is just over 1.. and apart from small blips for teething and milestones he has always been a great sleeper and he now sleeps right through the night.
I'm not saying that my routine is the right one.. but it works here and it may give you some clues for your LO..

7.00am Wake up, nappy change and get dressed, drink of milk
9.00am Breakfast (cereal made with milk)
11am Nap
1pm - get up nappy change
1.30pm - lunch - veg with meat/cheese/fish and a milky pudding such as yoghurt or fromage frais
3.30pm - nap
5pm - get up, nappy change
5.30pm - dinner - veg  sometimes with meat/cheese or fish (different to lunch) followed by fruit
6.45 pm - bath
7pm change into pjs, bottle and bed.

As you can see William's day is quite a bit different to your LOs especially bedtime. Its only my opinion but you might see some benefit from bringing your LOs bedtime forward some and having less napping in the day.

When I went through a short bout of separation anxiety with William he did much the same.. he would wake in the night at about 3am.. and would cry until I went to him and would settle a little and cry again if I left the room. So I sat myself down by his crib, didnt talk to him or touch him or anything else, and just sat until he went back to sleep. Yes sometimes it took a while and he would cry again sometimes but I was there with him and eventually he would calm down and drift back off. I will not take William out of his room after bedtime unless its an emergency and he has never slept in my bed. I am not saying that it is wrong to do so but he knows that he will not be leaving the room so settles back down eventually.

Another thought about the wakings.. could your LO be teething? William is going through a terrible bout of it at the moment and it always seems to bother him more at night. If teething could be a possibility maybe some pain relief may help. Also is it hot where you are? When it was unbearable hot here a couple of weeks ago Will was more restless and woke up on occasions and settled after a small drink of water.. maybe this could help.

I hope my thoughts help you xxx

Helen x

[Lara's Mum]

hello there and welcome on board...i must say the very first thing that came to my mind was teething as well...and i definetly agree with helen on the earlier bedtime...u can try working on separation anxiety during the day through lots and lots of cuddles....

our routine is typical to Williams with only one little change, Lara's bedtime is 7-30-8....and believe me that didn't happen overnight, like u said Lara didn't want to go to bed early either, but i found that if she took her evening nap early...she'd be really sleepy by that hour...several days on that track and lots of consistency did that....

good luck....it could be only teething

love

[Florencia]

I beleive his late nap is encouraging her to sleep later at night. I also beleive she's ready to transition to 1 nap in the day, since she refuses down time around 3pm. My suggestion (along with the wonderful advice you've already received) is to push her morning nap later in the morning (by offering ehr a snack at her usual nap time to boost her energy) and make her go to sleep earlier at night. If she's going down ok at 615 pm, she could very well hold on till 7pm with the proper wind down routine and make that a bedtime instead of a nap time. With the advice of your ped, try pain medications for teething pain and that would solve the puzzle!

Keep us posted as you tweak things. It can get tricky but i totally guarantee you it's worth it! Good luck!

[freitas]

Hi, thanks for all your suggestions...

Well, she has been having teeth problems now and probably that doesn't help at all.

In what concerns her routine, it's not easy to organise it because now I'm on holidays and she is usually with me from one side to another. During the year she doesn't go to school, she stays at home with a babysitter. She is always very irregular during the day. For example, now that she is waking during the night for about 2 hours, she is sleeping until 09:00/09:30 in the morning...

Imagine I want her to nap at a particular hour, shall I do pu/pd?

You know, I'm trying the pu/pd during the night to see if I manage to calm her down, but it takes a long time until she sleeps again. I don't know if I should leave the room each time I put her down as Im doing now... Is it better to stay close to her until she sleeps instead of leaving the room and going in and out when she starts crying? If I stay close to her until she sleeps, won't I make a habbit?

First I'm trying to solve the problem at night and then I'll see what I can do during the day, or do you think I'm wrong? Should I solve first her daily routine?

Thanks for everything...

PS - Sorry my english....

[freitas]

Bia has a super dad.....

You know, I've been having problems to get her to sleep, but I never asked my husband to go to her at night...

This night, I was too tired and I asked him to go to her and try to put her to sleep. As she was crying, he went to her, stayed 1 minute and came to bed again.... She stoped crying.... I was amazed! I asked what he had done, and he said "nothing special". I thought she was going to cry again and again as usually, but not, she slept 1 hour more. She started crying again, he went to her, 1 minute after she was sleeping. YES ! He made it... I hope it's not only tonight...

I never remembered asking him to go to her, as usually I'm the first one to go... He is a very calm person and she loves him, so I don't know if his presence calms her?

I was thinking what he was doing different than me that could have worked.

He didn't turn on the light, nor talked to her. Just went to her, touched her hair and backs. Put the blanket over her and she calmed down...  As the light wasn't turned in, she didn't realise he was leaving the room. He also didn't use shoes. So when she was almost asleep, he left the room without being noticed.

I decided to post this for you all.... Maybe it can help anyone from you?

Lets see what will happen these days....

Bye

[Florencia]

Hi! First off congrats on having a super husband with hands of an angel!!!!! lots of us around here would LOVE that kind of "gift" LOL...

Given the way she calmed down and by what you describe, it sounds to me that her night wakings are due to teething and overtiredness. You could solve some of the cries out with pain meds but the overtiredness part I'm afraid can only be solved with a structured routine. I know it sounds like a difficult thing to do when things seems so messy and yes, it recquires a lot of commitment on your side (that is book your day around her schedule and maybe turning down or postponing some activites/errands you've got planned). But i can guarantee you that sooner than later, she'll cry for that routine in the forms of overtiredness or even cranky temper. As they grow old in life, a structured and predictable day is one of the best gifts we can provide for them. It helps them adapt to all changes in life (be it a new nanny, a new class or even going to school) cause they have the security that things will happen at the same time, the same way once they're home. That helps improve sleep and other social skills. But of course, it is not doable if you don't feel ready for it.

I beleive it is great that dad can console/settle her so easy. I also hope that once she gets the right dosage and medication for her teething pain, things start to get better. If you face any more issues, we'll be happy to support you and help you find a suitable way to sleep train her. Best wishes meantime!