Rocking to sleep....

[Jenny 5782]

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to let you all know that my little boy, who has had terrible trouble to go to sleep and would wake all the time, is now back to normal. A friend from Russia has actually helped me the most. She came to visit one evening and told me to rock him to sleep. When I said I didn't want to do it because I wanted my son to have independet sleep habits she just laughed and said "Who told you that rubbish? In russia every mother rocks her baby to sleep if it wants her to. A baby belongs to the mothers body, it's not designed to be alone. Look, you know your son CAN go to sleep by himself but he doesn't, have you never thought that maybe at the moment he just needs some help going to sleep? Just rock him to sleep and you'll see in a bit that it will get better when he is ready." That sounded very true to me, so I did it! And let me tell you something, it took two nights of rocking him to sleep and now he is completely back to his normal self, I read him his story, put him to bed and he will talk for a few minutes and then goes to sleep all by himself. If he wakes up after that, I just take him out and rock him straight away so he doesn't have to get all worked up in the first place, it will only take him two minutes max to go back to sleep. And guess what... His whole sleeping has just improved, if he now wakes up during the night, he will settle himself back to sleep most of the times. I think that is because he knows his mummy is there and she will come and comfort him if he really wants it. And the last two nights he went to sleep at 7 and woke up at half past 6.  So rocking him to sleep can't be that bad after all, can it?

So this just goes out to all of you who are awake for hours at night because your baby won't settle itself back to sleep. Maybe you shouldn't take everything so serious, do what your heart tells you to do. If you're relaxed, your baby will be relaxed. You can take this how ever you want to but I just wanted to share this experience.

Good luck, Jenny

[GG]

Hi Jenny! Thank you for posting this story. Just one thing I want to clarify about the BW method and rocking a baby to sleep. While it's true that Tracy advocated independant sleep, she did also say that there are times when your baby will need extra attention or TLC. If your baby isn't feeling well, is getting vaccines, is teething or something like that, he or she would benefit from extra attention and caresses from the parents. However... if you do it for several days in a row while trying to get the baby to sleep, the baby will eventually get used to that and expect it (being rocked to sleep, being nursed to sleep, etc), thus you'll have a hard time getting the baby to sleep on its own. While that may not be a problem when they are infants, it certainly gets to be a problem for some parents when the baby gets to be 15 or 20 lbs. This is when a lot of parents would contact her and say, "My baby won't go to sleep on his own" and ask for her help.

Also, she stated in many places in her book for parents to follow their hearts. If they want their baby to sleep with them in their bed, by all means let them - but the baby will come to expect this and won't want to sleep in its own bed. If a mother wants to nurse her baby to sleep for every nap and bedtime, there's nothing wrong with it - just keep in mind that you'll have to continue doing it because the baby will expect it.

I just wanted to make sure that this point was explained because sometimes people get the wrong idea about Tracy's BW methods. These methods are not so strict that they don't allow loving your child and showing them affection.

Thanks for "listening".   

[Zoey]

Hey there Jenny!

I am SO glad you found gentle, caring way to get your LO to sleep.  I think it is always best to follow baby's cues and to follow your heart when interpreting them.  I am confident that is what Tracy wanted parents to do.

I don't think you'll ever find anyone saying, "Do not rock your baby, Do not take your baby to bed with you, Do not feed to sleep..." without reason.  What you will see are people saying, "I have been doing (insert form of AP here), and it isn't working anymore, what should I do?" or "I have been (AP) and I don't want to do this anymore because... " Then the replies will explain why these things may not be working anymore, and possible solutions.  Naturally if something, whatever it is, isn't working anymore or you don't want to continue doing it anymore - you aren't going to keep doing it!  LOL - that would be silly! 

An example of my thoughts is this post from you, from a few months ago: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=61280.msg447592#msg447592 

Quote:  "So after half an hour he wakes up, I take him out and rock him back to sleep. That will happen quite quickly, within a minute or so, and I can put him back down. From then on he will wake every ten minutes and it's just doing my back in having to rock a 15 pound baby every ten minutes for about an hour."

So, because you asked for help with the needing to rock - as your back was hurting from it - Yes, we would probably say something about not doing that anymore, explain why, and offer a way to change that association.  

I think if baby has a special cir-cum-stance as yours did/does with having/had KISS - then you have to do what you can to help them sleep because they are very uncomfortable. 

So, I just wanted to share too.  I wish you all the luck and I hope your LO keeps sleeping well!

Love,
Zoey

[Jenny 5782]

Hey you two!

Thank you for responding so quickly! I just thought, I'd explain myself: My posting was in no way meant to give people the message to forget everything the BW books have tought us! It was meant for people who are maybe like me, who are struggling with sleepless nights, just wishing their baby would go back to sleep. Yes, you are right Zoey, I had very bad trouble with rocking my baby to sleep when I wrote my first posting, but after your reply that my son would probably sleep better if he would learn how to settle himself, that's exactly what I did. It only took about 4 or 5 days and he was going to sleep happily in his own bed without any help. And you were right, his sleep patterns improved so much. But that's maybe why I didn't even think of the possibility to rock him to sleep when he started having trouble sleeping again because he is teething. For me it was like the "chapter of rocking him to sleep" was over and done with until my friend reminded me that there is another way. It is still very important to me that he can go to sleep by himself and settle himself back to sleep and I totally agree with you, I don't think you should use this method of rocking him for too long so he doesn't get used to it. But maybe there's more people out there like me who simply didn't think of rocking him to sleep, and maybe that's just what baby needs, just for a night or so, not forever, mind you. I put Jakey to bed like normal every time now, and he goes to sleep with no problem what so ever. But if I can hear or feel that he is having real trouble going to sleep or back to sleep, maybe cause his teeth are bothering him, I don't hesitate anymore to just take him out and rock him. That was all I was trying to say. You have helped me so much on this site not just with sleeping problems but with so many other things as well.  So I hope my message comes over the right way now and can maybe help others to just try it out, it might be all your baby needs for the moment.

Love, Jenny

[Katet]

I think the point is that once they know how to go to sleep, then anything you use at occasions at other times is ok, as long as it doesn't become a habit.
i on occasions let my 14m breastfeed to sleep, when he is overtired, simply because I know that he can fall asleep on his own, but is it worth him getting overtired while I do say PU/PD, or just let him get to sleep as easily as possible.  To me it is like walking my 14mo can walk really well, but when it gets to a "rough patch/steps" he will crawl, why because he knows that that is when he is likely to fall over... so if your lo is overtired or upset, then going back to a way that is "gentler" makes natural sense..

[GG]

 

[Ricardo's Mommy]

This really doesn't quite belong to your issue, but I just wanted to pipe in and say I was a nightly rocker and now that we haven't rocked in over a year or more, I often think about those special evenings sitting in the rocker, holding him close, his little spit trickling down my arm sometimes, the sound of the even breathing, the little jerks his body would make as he was starting to doze off, the warmth his little head gave off, the intense feeling of motherhood those moments gave me.....what I wouldn't give to relive them all again.....every single one of them....all 2 PLUS years of them.

I'm not an advocate of anything as most ladies that know me here will attest to, I soley believe in doing what feels right between mom and child, whatever circumstances.....

[Katet]

Richardo's Mommy, I agree, having spent the night sleeping in a bed with my teething toddler, I know that I won't be able to do that in 10 years time & I will never have those precious moments back.
I also know Tracy said if it is working for you then do it... it is when you are driven to insanity by sleep problems that she has solutions