Need EMERGENCY!!!! advice on 2.5 year olds sleep habits HELP!!!

[jesse2002]

My son who is 2.5 years old will not stay in his bed at all. All of a sudden he willnot sleep in his room. When we go to lie him down for the night he constantly gets up and comes out of the room screaming. My husband and I are up and down the stairs up to 10 to 5 times that whole night putting him back to bed. We have tried swatting him on the behind, puttting him in the corner, and quietly walking him back to bed and not saying a word to him. Nothing has worked with him. I am in tears almost every night because of this. I am so frustrated with him. I also have a 1 year old who we had to move out of his room because of this. He now sleeps with me because we have to get some sleep. I have to give my 1 year old attention too. He is not the only child. I need some good advice to get him back in his room and sleeping in his bed without losing my mind. If you can help me please do so. I am begging you to help. I have read Tracys book. I have i and the advice said to put a bed in ther with him. That did not work. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

[Harrisonsmummy]

I haven't any specific advice for you, as we haven't got to the big bed yet! However having said that, in my experience of these toddlers you have to be consistent for a long time before they "get it"! Harrison jumped up and down in his cot for attention before bed for months, and I did gradual withdrawal etc everything to get him to stop. Finally I shut the door and left him, and took a good two weeks before he realised that was it!

Unless you can think of anything that is distrubing him at night (worries from the day etc) chances are he has found a chink in your armour, gets some attention and is "going for it!"

So I would go with the leading him back to bed personally, no words etc, as often as it takes for at least 2 weeks before giving up. I think sometimes if you get your head round the fact that there aren't any short term fixes it is actually a bit less frustrating!

However if that isn't an option the sticker reward thing may work with a 2.5year old, or a gate at his door. Personally I think that they seem to need a firmer approach at this age - boundaries seem to make them feel secure.

You will sort it out - and I am sure get some great advice here.

[mum101]

Ouch!  It sounds stressful!     How long has he been waking up through the night?

What do you think is his motivation?  Attention, or as jesse2002 says he's found the 'chink in your armour'...

I agree with harrisonsmommy in being consistent and expecting it to take time.  Make a ritual of bed (with lots of cuddle/book/wind down time before he goes to bed) and stick to it each time.  And I agree with the idea of walking him back with no talking, put him back in his room and say 'it's time for bed' and walk out. 

If he gets absolutely no benefit - no attention, nothing exciting is happening he will get it at the end! 

How does he feel about your other child being in your bed as a result?  He might find that unfair and make the behaviour worse.  Is there another option to where second bub sleeps?

Good luck

[Florencia]

It really sounds that you're done with it. This behaviour can be associated to a lot of things that we have to rule out before we can come up with a plan. It could be as simple as a tweak in his routine (maybe he'snot tired enough to go to bed) or that he's overtired and has difficulties relaxing because of that.

Has he always been hard to put down? how long and when is he napping during the day? did he change his behaviour when switching to the"big bed"? I totally agree with the previous posters, consistancy is the key. You mention you tried putting a blow up bed next to his. For how long did you try it? Maybe you'd find the walk in/walk out method more suitable for him. In the FAQ section at the top of this forum, you'll find the Teaching Independent Sleep thread with 3 sleeping training methods described. I suggest you to read those and choose one that you think will suit for you and stick to it at least for a solid 2 weeks before giving in.

The calmer you are (and i totally understand how difficult is to stay calmed with another lo to attend and lack of sleep) the easier it will be for him to settle. Sometimes all they need is attention and even when the attention comes in the form of an upset mommy, they take that. So, by all means, try not to seem upset to him, be as boring as you can when leading him back to bed. If you're stressed he'll pick on it and it will become a never ending issue. A structured routine is also helpful.

To come up with more ideas, we'll need to have a look at his regular day. How does it look like? Wake up times, meals, naps, whatever info is helpful to have a hint.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[tylersmommy]

Agree, a look at his routine and typical day might help shed some light. There are a million reasons why a kiddo that age has trouble falling asleep, so the answer may well lie there.

Giving the behavior attention of any kind, even negative, is probably reinforcing it. I'm a big fan of baby gates...that way, he can still see you in case the issue is being left alone, but he stays in his room. We've always closed Tyler's door. Sometimes he gets upset, but we either reassure him through the door or do WI/WO. Hopefully we'll be able to find something that works for you!

[jesse2002]

Well I finally got on here after three days. Casey has been sleeping with me the past three days. Not anymore. I had to get some sleep becuase my 1 year old has been sick and I have not gotten any sleep. Well here is Casey's typical day. Up @ 7:30 am, breakfast, play,a nd if he does take a nap, it's around 12pm. Then he only sleeps for an hour,a nd I have to lay down with him to get him to sleep.  Byt he way he eats lunch at 11pm. Then we head to the park for play. Then a snack and dinner around 5pm. I guess I need to have a nighttime routine with him. I put Noah to bed at 7pm every night. So doing the routine after that won't hurt I guess.

 Casey has always been hard to put down. Since the day he was born he has been a terrible sleeper. I don't knwo what the problem is.  My husband is gone a lot for the Navy. I don't know if that's a problem or not.  He never had a behavior change when he went to the big boy bed. He loved it and slept there for awhile with no problems. Then all of a sudden Wham!! there was a problem now. That's why we are so upset and not knowing how to handle this. I tried the mattress for three days like it said in Tracy's book. I have the book so I keep looking at it. It never worked.

 I guess I will try the WI/WO method and see hoe that goes. Also keeping my cool with this is hard too. He likes to scream and kick me too. It gets me so irritated. I love the little guy so much. I will try the suggested methods and get back with you. If you have anymore suggestions Florencia please give them to me. Thanks a lot!!! Will keep you posted.

[Katet]

I found when my ds#2 got to around the 1yo mark & got interested in ds#1 toys, it impacted on ds#1's behaviour & he needed more Mummy time at bedtime. my 3yo has been easy to get to go to bed since 2 weeks after moving to his big boy bed & A LOT of that is we have a fairly long bedtime routine for him to unwind (anywhere from 2 -6 stories & I have found the less I feel like reading 6 stories usually means the more he needs the 6 stories ... he picks up on my mood A LOT) ... all my friends who have problems have no routine or one less than 10mins.

I think if you were to get your 1yo to bed & then devote 30-45mins of story time & cuddles to your 2.5yo (I know you dream of YOU time) I think you may find things change A LOT... also sleeping in his room for 3 days probably isn't long enough to change the habit (him getting negative attention) most books I have read look at 3 weeks as a reasonable length to change a toddler's habits.
As others have said, look at his whole routine, I'm guessing with 2 los (looking at my own life) limited one-on-one Mummy time is probably a BIG issue.
When you do get him into a routine at bedtime & wether you do WI/WO or gradually withdraw your presence, remember it will take time, but them more consistent you are the more effective it will be, the moment you "revert" then you are back to square one.
when I deal with a sleep issue I tend to say "I have a month to get this to work" that way I really do feel that I can have 1 step backwards at times.

[jesse2002]

Thanks Katet! I was reading your questions and answers where you wrote when you were having a tough time with your 3 year old. I felt exactly how you felt. I feel that way now. I am at my wits end. But I have been getting good advice on here. It has been so nice to get such great advice from other Moms.  Everything that your son did, Casey has been doing for some time now.  I also have to do it alone too. With my hubby being in the Navy and being in Iraq a lot it's so hard on my own.  I am waiting until after my Dad comes to visit us from Seattle to start the WI/WO method or the mattress idea. Then we can be by ourselves again. I have been trying the air mattress thing it has been ok. But he has to hold my hand to fall asleep. I do put Noah down at 7pm every night. He sleeps so good.  Knock on wood though!!!  I will devote more time to Casey's bedtime ritual. I will go buy him a new book also. Thanks for your advice and encouragement. I hope you are doing well too with your son. Talk to you soon.

[Katet]

Jesse it is hard, but a wise friend once said to me "look for a reason, rather than a solution & often the problem will no longer be there if you address the reason" OH for me that is so true.
When I worked out that we could have 30mins of stories/chatting/cuddles etc... bedtime is a great time to go over the fun things we did that day or what we are doing the next day or even play with toy cars, rather than have a struggle (even if it was only for 5 mins) it felt well worth it as it seriously has impacted on all parts of his life.
Hang in there you are doing it hard with your dh away so often, but a FANTASTIC Job.
While your Dad is visiting maybe try to use that time to ingrain some "routines" & also to see (if your 1yo isn't a Mummy's boy like mine & screams if I go somewhere with out him) if you can get 1-on-1 time with your older son (do something fun... we go on train rides  )... I really do think that is such a BIG factor when they get older & more independant we leave them to their own devices & then get "annoyed" when they do want our time, but I keep reminding myself of my 17yo step-d who never wants our time... they really are little for such a short time, but boy it can be hard living in the moment.

[Florencia]

You've got such great advice and support from Kate that I have nothing else to add, except HUGS HUGS... i can't imagine how hard it is to deal with 2 toddlers all by yourself. It is my understanding that navy communities have great support groups and moms are really into helping other moms. IF that's the case in the area where you live, be sure you're getting all the help that is offered. Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for it. It is important that you feel rested, well eaten and supported in order to start any sleep training technique. Sometimes all we have to do is look around us and ask. I know i have a hard time accepting i need help but the times i've put my embarrasment behind and called someone, i have not regretted it. So go ahead and take all the help available!

Good luck meantime and be sure to come back and post on your progress/doubts/vents. We'll be here for you!

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi was having similar problems,although tonight was tough!
We had some windchimes in hanging from the ceiling that we realised she was scared of them.
Also we moved her from one side of the bed to the other because she kept looking at
the gap between the wall and the wardrobe and it was freaking her out.
It has got better.
We have to sing a few songs and tell her a story every night and if I'm in and out I give her 3 chances
to stay in bed.If she doesn't I turn her lamp off.
She has a lamp with a 10 watt bulb that has a low light,but I tuen it off for and go out of the room for 10
sceonds,and although she's screams blue murder,as soon as I turn it back on she runs into bed and
very rarely gets out again.
May be worth a shot.
I know it's really hard,but you need to try things for at least 2 weeks.
When I was told this I never thought I'd keep it up,but I did and it's working.

HTH

[jesse2002]

Well we tried to start it last night again, but Casey threw up all over me and the floor. He had a 103 degree temp. So I dosed him up and he had to sleep with me last night. It was a rough night for him. We are going to start again after my Dad leaves this Sunday. He is till sick today. I will let you know how it goes. Have a good day all.