Terrible toddler sleeping - the accidental parent

[Claire Anne]

He did have a cough alright which would wake him from time to time but when he is good, he'll just cough and go back to sleep himself. When he is going through a bad spell though he goes completely ballistic when he wakes. Last night he went mental when we put him to bed too.  He had the mother of all tantrums. I thought he was actually going to throw up he was so bad. My mother called at around 6 with his birthday present (2 weeks till he's 2!) and I made the fatal mistake of letting him open it and play with it before bedtime. I have trouble realising that my little boy can't seem to deal with these things before bed. Then I let him have the train (it was a train set - lucky boy!) to take to bed as a special treat and that made it so much worse. My head is fried from having to second guess the slightest change. It's so difficult. There really are times when I question the state of my sanity! It's so depressing at times and I am getting so resentful of his demands on my time and my brain - and his poor little sister has to put up with what's left over. Am I the only person who gets really angry and resentful? I don't seem to have the wherewithall to feel any empathy for him anymore - it's too draining.
Mandy - I have an appointment with an osteopath in a couple of weeks time! After I read your post I remembered being recommended to do it when he was collicky (it's a neverending story!) and not going through with it because he seemed to have improved so much. But I'm really at the end of my rope now! It's so so hard to try to hold down a full time job, then come home and to deal with a wayward little boy and try to give as much as possible to his little sister as well. I wish I was better at this!!! Think I need more patience - my store (which was probably not very big to start off with!) is well and truly gone!!!

[Claire Anne]

 
OK things are getting progressively worse. He was screaming (and I am not exaggerating) for about an hour and a half in the middle of the night last night, having taken 45 mins to get to sleep. So his sleep looks something like 8pm (ish) - finally asleep. 12am - 1 1/2 hours of tantrum like behaviour. Up again at 5.50 - calmed quickly till 6.10 at which time I decided to get him up as he would need to get up soon after that anyway. Then he decided he didn't want to go to the childminder this morning - that has really finished me off. He has spent the last 3 to 4 weeks loving it and she is just great. That was the one saving grace in all this - that he loved going to her house no matter what went on at home. I'm exhausted and depressed from all this. I don't have the energy or capacity to take any more. Every time anything changes he goes ballistic. I am being held hostage by my toddler. My head is too fried to be able to think what to do. When will I have a (relatively!) normal existence??!!

[Mandy]

Hi Claire, that's great that you have an appt  Wish you well with that, if you want to chat afterwards to someone has been through the process then just get in touch. I do think that your DS's issues are more general, perhaps deep rooted and are over and above the sleeping. Sleeping is just part of the whole picture. I'm with you there on learning what you can and can't do with DS. We've learned we have to be one step ahead all the time and think before doing or saying things as they can trigger a whole new set of circumstances. I think this is true of dealing with children in general but with our type of child it is even more important.

Hang in there 

X+x

PS just seen your new post. Can you try something for yourself to help too. Pick a Bachs flower essence that suits your situation and you can use that as a prop to get you through. When things are tough pop some drops in your mouth, sometimes just the action of this can help. Can you get any time away to do something relaxing for you, aromatherapy? Alternative therapies can be really useful in situations like this, homeopathy? I concentrated on getting my DS sorted but I realise now you do need that break/support yourself to get through it all.
Thinking of you 

[Claire Anne]

Yes I think sleeping is a symptom alright as opposed to the problem itself. He seems to be very sensitive and get really attached to people and objects. I wish I knew how to turn that into a positive thing - reckon if I wasn't so tired and overwrought I'd be able to do that a lot better! It's very hard work, having to be so on the ball all the time. And the frustrating thing is that he is such a lovely little boy during the day (most of the time anyway!) and I am stone mad about him. It's just that sometimes it all gets too much, I think I must have done something very wrong somewhere along the line to end up like this.
And yes, I think I am going to have to take some time out to clear my head more often. Going back to work has been a big change for me too and I need to get my head around it all, stop trying to be all things to all at home and at work too.
Only for this site and all the help here I'd say I'd be stark staring mad (as opposed to just stark mad!) at this stage!!!

[Claire Anne]

Well we went to the osteopath - it went really well. When I was giving her details of the birth etc I realised what a horrible birth it was for both of us really. And I suppose if my introduction to the world had been like that, I might be a bit peeved too!!
It did seem to improve his temperament immediately though - not in a huge way, but he seemed more relaxed, less hyper. He definitely has been sleeping more normally since and I think the next few appts and a bit of consistent training should clear it up to a bearable degree!!! So fingers crossed!!

[Mandy]

That's fantiastic news Claire 

It's a great start and I'm sure you will continue to see improvements as the appts go on. I went for Cranial Sacral therapy last night myself and it was a great experience. I felt so relaxed and I slept really well. I thought I would give it a go as I've been having more headaches recently and we've been trying for #2 for a year and stress must be playing a part now. I can now understand why my DS wanted to go back for more and how much it can help babies. Once you get your DS's appts completed maybe you should give it a whirl yourself 

X+x

[Claire Anne]

You know I was thinking it would be great to do for myself. I get lots of sinusitis and am fed up with it now. I can't take any more antibiotics really - it seems pointless when I just get another does a couple of months later! So I did think of doing it myself alright. We'll see how it all goes!

[Claire Anne]

Oh it's all gone horribly wrong again. I am seriously at the end of my rope. I read all these desperate cries for help but somehow my DS seems worse than all of those - it's been over 2 years since I had proper sleep. I did the unthinkable and broke down at work today. Thankfully only with a friend but so far I had managed to keep work all for myself, not anything to do with the kids and all that is going on there.
I don't know what to do. WI/WO doesn't appear to be making any difference. He is only a bad sleeper when he is at home - when anyone else has him, he's a great boy. I sometimes think other people must think I am some sort of lunatic, making all this up for attention. Or just a terrible mother, unable to cope (that part is now definitely true!). My husband has taken sole responsibilty for the night wakings and any trouble that comes up after I put him to bed as I thought he was just taking advantage of me going in to him and using it for attention. Oh I don't know anymore - I have been up since 4.45 and am fit to collapse.
I can make a million excuses for it all - new baby, back at work, separation anxiety, yet another illness - but at the end of the day, I need to get some sleep and some semblance of my own life back.
Is there anything for the EXTREME poor sleepers? Or does this come to a natural end eventually - I just need some light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how far away.