What's with the whining/crying after bedtime?

[tylersmommy]

Tyler (2.5 yrs old) has started having issues with bedtime. He's always been a good night sleeper and on a routine, so I don't know why it's a problem all of a sudden. Yes, he was sick with a double ear infection one month ago, and it messed with his day and night behavior for a few days. Once he started feeling better, he was fine at night again. That was several weeks ago. A few days ago, he randomly started flying into a tantrum as soon as we started his bedtime routine. We stuck it out and dealt with it and managed to get him back on board with getting ready for bed again. He's been fine with that for the last few nights. His new thing happens after we say goodnight and leave the room. He's fine for about 10 min, then he starts whining. Not FOR anything, just this annoying, sing-songy whining/moaning noise. The first night, I did respond to it once to see if he needed something. When I walked in, he stopped whining and just stared at me, even though he's more than verbal enough to tell me if something was bothering him. Since then, if he's just whined, I've left him to it...responding seems like it would be rewarding the behavior with attention, so I haven't. For the next 2 nights, he whined himself to sleep after about an hr. Tonight, he kicked it up a notch...the whining escalated until he was all-out bawling. I responded to his crying, and again, he stopped as soon as I walked in and stared at me. Reassuring him from outside the door didn't work...he'd stop crying and start barking out random demands to get me in the room (want the light on, want the light off, want the door open, want the door closed, etc...all things he can get up and do himself).

Whining, I can ignore...it just feels so wrong to ignore all-out crying. But it's soooo obvious there's nothing wrong and he's looking for some attention. I can't trace it back to his routine, since he's in the midst of giving up his nap and who knows from day to day if he's overtired or not tired enough at bedtime. I just don't know how to respond once he starts crying in earnest. I think he's old enough to know how to use crying to his advantage, especially since he's more than able to verbalize his needs. What do I do?!

[Sylvia.]

melissa so sorry, we are have exactly the same problems, your post could mirror one i want to write, even down to the ear infection, everything is a nightmare, going down for naps has been really hard these last few days as is bed time, dd just does not want to go, the whining it just goes on and on and on and as you said whining, i can ignore ... it just feels so wrong to ignore all-out crying. but it's sooooo obvious there's nothing wrong, is you ds already in a bed? one of our biggest problems is dd wears a sleeping suit for both her nap and night sleep and it is sooooooooooo very hard to get the thing on, i must add it is also soooooooooo hard to get the thing off after nap and night sleep,  you said what do i do? what are we going to do?

[notenoughshelfspace]

I have to be honest; I would ignore it. He is old enough to tell you if there was something truly wrong unlike a baby to whose cries you have to respond. Sounds to me like slightly manipulative behaviour by your little one. ( Clever little tike, isn't he?)  The only other thing is perhaps putting him to bed a little later on the days that he does nap, he might just not be tired enough. I had this exact problem with Gige. SHe would lie in bed for 30-40 min whining/ crying which would stop as soon as she saw me so I pushed her bedtime back by 30 min; what a difference! I have my good sleeper back! Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[Harrisonsmummy]

I too would have to say ignore it. They are too smart by far! Harrison did the same thing a while back - I went in thinking something must be wrong - nothing. The next night he tried the same thing, I opened his door, barked at him to go to sleep, and he has "behaved" since! Sometimes they just seem to try it on - give them the benefit once, then push those boundaries firmly back into place!

Justine