Help, my baby didn't come with a manual!

[AmeliaMom]

Hello, I have a 4 week old dd and am a new mom. No one told me motherhood would be so hard! My DH and I are so sleep deprived we don't know our names most days. And I don't think I have it as bad as some people out there. Here is my question (one of many!!): My LO is pretty close to a textbook baby, with a touch of grumpy on occaison, and had been waking fairly consistently at 2:00 am and 5:00 or 6:00 am for feedings--dream feed was at 10 or 11. Not fun, but to be expected. Lately, her pattern has changed and we are exhausted. She has become more and more difficult to put down for naps during the day unless she is in her swing (accidental parenting at work here!!) and at night instead of sleeping 3-4 hours after each feeding, she is having one good "long" sleep after the dream feed--~ 4 hours from 11:00-ish to 2:30 or 3:00 am which is about 5 hours since she has eaten. Then she wakes, eats 3-4 oz on bottle, but following this nighttime feeding, she is very difficult to get back to sleep and will only sleep an hour or less before waking again. This will usually be no more than 2 hours after she has eaten the last time, so I don't think she should be waking for food--she isn't making her hungry cry just waking up restless. if I do feed her, she will eat again. Is she going too long without food from the dream feed at 10:00 until waking at 2:00 and therefore throwing off her schedule? Or, is this an indication of some issue with her sleep patterns during the day? I've gotten out of the habit of having a good sleep ritual before naps. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks,
Desperate new mom

[Colin Macs Mom]

I'm cracking up at the title of your post! 

The early early days with a new LO are so tough, more tough than words can describe. I think you're doing fantastically, especially since you already know her hunger cry! Good for you, you're a great new mom! As for the wakings though, with a LO so young the reality is that they're going to wake at night and need night feeds. At 4 weeks, she doesn't know much about the world yet and how things work. She has no self-soothing skills yet and can't easily transition between sleep cycles, so that makes things tough too. Have you tried pat/shhh yet?

Another thing that's common with tiny LOs and EASY is that we teach them that after they eat, they have A time. At 4 weeks I doubt that she understands that yet, but down the road a bit you might have some trouble with her wanting to stay awake after a night feed because she thinks it's A time. That's when teaching the difference between night and day comes in. If you start with pat/shhh now, you will have an easier time in the future with things like that.

I'm not at all saying that this is too bad or that sort of thing, but the idea here is to accept that there will be night wakings for a while yet and to minimize them as much as possible. Does that make sense?

[AmeliaMom]

Thanks for your reply, it does make sense and more importantly it makes me feel better to just hear that she is expected to be waking a lot at night--and to just hang in there. Thank you so much for your encouragement, it can feel pretty lonely out here in new-mom land sometimes. As for shh/pat and EASY, yes, we are doing both. Shh/pat does work, although it takes a lot of work sometimes. I don't do it as consistently as I should. I didn't know that she is having trouble transitioning between sleep cycles at this young age. Does that explain why she jerks awake a few minutes after you put her down?  Also, one more question: Do you think it is important for her to go into her own bed (bassinet) for each and every nap at this young age? I keep hearing that she can't develop bad habits now and it's ok to let her sleep on us or in the swing. But, I want her to get in the habit of good sleep early on. Thanks again for your reply!

[Kate A]

Oh, new mommy.  So sorry for your sleep deprivation.

My advice for the naps (I had a horrendous napper).  Not every nap has to be in her bed.  Give yourself a break sometimes for nap training and just let her sleep where she does.  This way, you know for your sanity that you can let your mind rest and hopefully nap with her.  I was worried about bad habits, but I felt like 3 months was a great time for me to be working on establishing good habits.  During this time, just wait for yourself to come up for air.  They often call the first 6 weeks the fourth trimester.  It's definitly transition.  Let her sleep on you...it's so sweet and so they won't even let you hold them.  Enjoy those tender moments they are gone all too quick.

My dd woke up in the middle of the night like yours as well.  It will get better.

hth

[lachlanmum]

I can so relate to how you are feeling.  I remember saying the exact same words when I had my first and I didn't know about BW then.  The first 6 weeks are a blur as you are so sleep deprived.  My second LO woke every 3 hours during the night for 4 weeks and had night and day mixed up, so liked to party for a few hours in the middle of the night.  It took a few days to change that habit.

You are doing a great job!!  Just remember you don't have to be perfect and there are times when you do things just to survive.  They grow so quickly and change so quickly so try and enjoy each moment.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Being a new mom does come with a certain level of loneliness, I remember that well! You have us though!    I used to repeat this mantra over and over to myself... "This too shall pass..." and it actually did help me, as corny as that is. 

I didn't know that she is having trouble transitioning between sleep cycles at this young age. Does that explain why she jerks awake a few minutes after you put her down?

Yes. The jerking is normal - that's LO switching sleep cycles. It helps them transition easier and also learn to handle it on their own if you support them through those jerks. Most people will do something like place a hand lightly on LO's chest so that they don't jump or scare quite so much.

Also, one more question: Do you think it is important for her to go into her own bed (bassinet) for each and every nap at this young age? I keep hearing that she can't develop bad habits now and it's ok to let her sleep on us or in the swing. But, I want her to get in the habit of good sleep early on. Thanks again for your reply!

I agree with kat1jk, not every single nap needs to be in her bed. However, don't go too far the other way and end up with a LO who won't have anything to do with her own bed. Just make sure that she's in there enough that it's still familiar to her and she feels safe there.