Author Topic: Advice on coping please  (Read 985 times)

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Offline woofsnpaws

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Advice on coping please
« on: September 16, 2006, 20:43:59 pm »
Hiya, I posted about my son, Conor, who is 14 months and still not sleeping through.  We went through the routine stuff and unfortunately, I seem to have a little boy who is a funny sleeper.  Soon after I posted last the hackers got hold of the website and I am just able to sign in now!

On my last post we had established Conor will eventually grow out of this night waking BUT BUT BUT, how do I deal with ME!!!!  Most of the time, I manage to cope ok but when it is night after night for over a month, I cannot explain how tired I get, I know most of you will know what I mean.  What can I do to help my sanity 1st and foremost and 2nd, deal with Conor when I am DOG TIRED!!!  I have twice lost it and shouted at him, I am not proud of myself and cried for ages but I am at a lost as what I can do....  I can normally ignore it, the tiredness I mean not Conor, I use the PD method and it works but obviously I am still getting broken sleep 9 out of 10 nights so I am tired, what can I do to help when things get bad.  I do try and nap when he has his afternoon nap but somedays I stuggle with housework etc and do not get a nap. 

Can anyone offer advice, how do you cope with your sleeping problems.  Any ideas are welcome. 

I am stuck in a rut and I know Conor's sleeping isn't going to change until he is ready to sleep through but I need help, I feel so useless, tired etc etc etc.

Love
Lorna
xx

andibig

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Re: Advice on coping please
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2006, 20:57:33 pm »
  I have twice lost it and shouted at him, I am not proud of myself and cried for ages but I am at a lost as what I can do....  I
pls don't feel guilty about this.DD was a consistent early waker for months (5am) combined with some horrendous teething (oh joy) made for some sleepless nights and quite frankly i think i stumbled through most days (lots of putting the sugar in the fridge etc LOL).
and there were days when i shouted at DD cos i was so damned tired etc and yes i felt torn up with guilt cos of it.
i think personally for me was asking for help. My MIL was a godsend and would come over every w/end so that i could catch up on my sleep. DH would occasinally go to DD if she woke in the night so I didn't have to get up.
I think what i'm trying to say is not to struggle on your own.is there anyone that can go to DS during the night -even if its only for 1 night a week-so that you can have a full nights rest??

Offline Harrisonsmummy

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Re: Advice on coping please
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2006, 12:18:27 pm »
I found the only way to deal with it was to go to bed really early. 9pm/9.30pm. Although I felt that I had no time for me, I did feel much better as overall I was getting more sleep.

Offline lucmom

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Re: Advice on coping please
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2006, 02:38:59 am »
woofsnpaws --

Hang in there, and don't beat yourself up.  The fatigue gets to all of us.  I've been going through it too recently with my lo having a cold, going through nap transition and doing random early wakings.  Like Harrisonsmummy, I go to bed early...sometimes I even get into bed by 8:30.  We've started eating dinner with LO around 6:00 so that we can be done with everything by then to sleep.  Doing so involves some pre-planning with meals, but it's worth it.  Sashas mummy's suggestion is the other thing I rely on.  It's so helpful to have someone come over once in a while so that you can get some sleep.  Sometimes when you get really tired, it's hard to even think about what you need so you just keep plugging along, getting more and more tired, so if you can schedule something where you will rest (maybe a night away, even at a local hotel, or visiting a friend?) it can help you break that exhaustion cycle. 

Offline Harrisonsmummy

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Re: Advice on coping please
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2006, 07:35:29 am »
woofsnpaws,

can we revisit your issues again, as I am sure there is a solution? Most of the nightwakings at this age can be sorted out...it's probably chronic overtiredness and habitual (as long as it's not feeding led) and with a deep breath can be overcome.

The trouble is often that we look at routines that on the face of it are ok, but night wakings will knock at least an hour out of overnight sleep, and there is no catch up point. Some lo's just don't have the ability to play catch up. It has taken me a couple of weeks to catch H up on sleep after a common cold and it is hard work to make sure that we get consistently early bedtimes, and that naps are early enough to prevent overtiredness, and if you looked at his day - you wouldn't see anything obvious!

So let's have another go at this....

Offline ChasMom

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Re: Advice on coping please
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2006, 17:57:26 pm »
HI! First of all, hugs to you.  Just wanted to pop in here and say that I understand what you're going through so don't feel like you're the only one.  We've been struggling with some pretty bad resistance to bedtime, naps, and nightwakings for the past few weeks from a previously not so bad sleeper.  Sleep deprivation is not an easy thing to endure.  For pete's sake, my dh and I always joke that they use it as a form of torture in some countries armys! :D  I for one do not handle sleep deprivation well at all so I know how hard it is too feel like you're in a fog and just barely making it through the day.  I too am not as patient with my lo or my DH either which then makes me feel guilty.  My biggest guilt is that I feel that I'm not truly making the best of the time I have with my lo (esp. these early months and years) since I'm so tired and am not enjoying him like I should.  But we're only human. 
I think the previous posters have given you some great advice so far.  I've always been the type that likes to get it "all done" but in the past month I've learned to really prioritize and force myself to accept that if it doesn't get done it's o.k.  Each day I pick 1 or 2 things that need to get done and the rest can wait.
That has given me more time to rest, even if not always a nap, I least I can sit on the couch and rest my body.  The world won't end if the dishwasher doesn't get emptied.  Also, I asking for help a lot more from dh, family, whoever is willing.  Even if they can take your lo for an hour so you can sleep or get something done.
Also I can't say enough for an early bedtime for you.  I also love my "me" time at the end of the day but for now I go to bed as early as I can just to get some sleep in before lo wakes and it does help.

That said, I've been using the wi/wo method for the past 3 nights and have seen slow, but steady improvement.  It's been super hard to do since my lo is VERY spirited and strong willed but I figured if I'm going to be sleep deprived and up half the night I might as well use it to try to get my lo back to sleeping.  We still have a long way to go but I plan on sticking with it.
The moms (and dads) on this board are so helpful and understanding so I would definitely post on here and hopefully you can start to get your lo's sleep on the right track. :)

Offline kim&savannah

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Re: Advice on coping please
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2006, 20:12:47 pm »
Purely coping advice here--we also went through 18 months of night wakings before we finally got somewhat consistant sleep throughs (and let me tell you, when that finally happens, it is such an incredible feeling!!!!!!  I LOVED it--until I found I was pregnant a month later and couldn't sleep because of that, but whole other story there ;)).

Like others have mentioned, get whatever help you can.  DH started doing most of the night wakings around 10 months, so even though I still got woken up, I was sometimes able to go back to sleep quickly which really helped (and dh can always go back to sleep as soon as he lies back down, so wasn't too big of an issue for him).  And i really tried to get to bed early, especially if we'd been having particularly bad nights.  Or take a nap when you can.

And try to find a little time just for you to do something relaxing and that you enjoy--I think it helps with losing your patience.  I also started exercising more regularly when she was around 12 months which helped with my losing my temper also (and yes, doesn't it feel awful to lose it with a little baby--but it is so frustrating when you're exhausted!!!!!  I've totally been there and hated myself after!)

And even though I really just wanted to eat sugar all the time because it felt like that might help me stay awake, I did start to work on my diet around 1 year also, and that seemed to help as well--just taking care of myself was such a huge accomplishment (and challenge), but I really felt better about everything when I was.

Hang in there--hope you can sort out the wakings, and manage to deal with them until you do. 

~Kim
~Kim

Savannah,  6/04
Abraham,   11/06
Henry, 5/8/11

Offline Florencia

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Re: Advice on coping please
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2006, 20:26:30 pm »
Fist off, don't beat yourself. The moms who have NEVER lost it with their los are the moms who have NEVER had a sleep issue. It is true, you do your best to be the best mom you can but as a pp said, we're only humans, therefore perfectibles. That meaning we are allowed to be angry, sad or desperated with the consequences those feelings bring along. Yes it is wrong to yell/shout/spank a little baby... but it is also wrong not to sleep so what else can you do? take a deep breath, pray to God for patience and give your best each day. If it gets twisted in the middle of it, well, there's always a tomorrow and as long as you love and nurture your lo, this "episodes" won't damage him for life.

Being that said, forget about the word SHAME. "I'm ashamed to ask for help to my SIL, she'll think I'm uncapable, MIL will talk about me for ages. I'm ashamed of not bringing a meal to that party... I'm ashamed that clothing is not ironed..." housework/duties can wait. Be sure to have nutricious meals in your fridge and avoid the house to be a war zone and that's it. If guest's bathroom is dirty... close it! and don't invite people to come over or just invite the closest ones and have them come to your own bathroom. Sleep training is a crisis period and should be dealt like it. Save your energy for it and not for pleasing people. Ask for all the help you think you can get, spend some savings in it (get a cleaner or pay one of your young cousins/nephews/siblings to babysit for a couple of hours). Spend at least 20 mins a day on YOU: do your hair or make up or a facial if you enjoy that. Tide up your drawers, look at pictures, read a book, paint your nails, do a craft. Just 20 mins a day to recharge your energy and strenght and confidence in yourself. It is soooo worth it even when there's piles of laundry and dishes waiting for you... who's gonna die if they're not done?

Vent and whine as much as you want/need/can. HEre, you will always find a listening ear and many brains to think of a solution.

I feel for you, been there and it is an AWFUL feeling. I hope it ends soon for you. Take care. Many hugs going your way!
Mom to Manolo, spirited monkey and Jose Miguel, an angel cupcake