Hi Nikki and welcome to the site!
It seems to me that Ben is overtired and is facing cumulative overtiredness. I'm amazed to read that he sometimes has 3 naps in a day! that can be a part of the problem too, too much sleep during daytime.
I know how hard it is to stick to a routine, especially with 2 older kids to tend to and a husband that works difficult hours. But you can do it, many moms here are on their own, working full times etc and they've managed to organize themselves cause a routine is the only thing that will help you get Ben's cues and help him settle.
So, I'd leave the weaning off for a bit. Let's work on the weaning on demand. That can be solved (not easily but it's doable) with a routine. And to install a routine you need to establish your priorities and build that routine according to your day. For example if Ben's waking at 7-730 in the morning, I'm afraid that a 910 am nap is too early for him. He might get fussy around that time cause he's used to be breastfed and go down but not actually tired (does that make sense?
). You can try introducing a snack around that time and keep his activities really low key, like reading books or watching a soft cartoon or a baby einstein dvd. The idea is to push the nap to a time where he's actually tired and ready to go to sleep, hence he won't need so much help and intervention from you.
Having skipped the obstacle of the 910 am nap, you can try that to be at least at 11 in the morning, 12 would be prefect cause that's the schedule most lo's seem to work best with, but try small changes everytime. OBserve him and try your best to hold back to his whines and fusses. I'm afraid that every time he's fussy you go with your breast and of course, that's soothing and that's relaxing and that frees endorphines which makes him feel relaxed and ok. But as he grows old, he needs to find other ways to feel happy and relaxed and you can teach him. Watch him like a hawk and figure out whether he's hungry, bored, tired...
Then when the nap time comes, set a mood, with soft music, do a long ritual (i know you must be overwelmed with housework but a couple of weeks with dirty, unironed clothes and frozen meals is a sacrifice your family can make in order to have a happy and rested mommy
). I always encourage moms with lo's that are difficult to put down to do a long wind down routine. It helps a lot to break the resistance and helps the lo to learn to relax and prepare for bedtime without much fights. So start with reading books, singing songs, if he lets you, give him a massage. I know you've mentioned he's not very cuddly but you can try at his own speed and then slowly incrementing the time. If he lets you give hima foot massage (a 10 secs one) go with it. There are amazing body lotions for babies with chamomile and lavender that help lo's to relax by aromatherapy. Try and introduce a quick rub on his back, behind his ears and on his feet. Whatever he lets you do, remember you have to go at his speed, and make this an enjoyable experience for him, not a torture. If you get started with 5-10 secs each day you'll be surprised he'll let you increase that and end in a good 5 mins massage that will leave him tired and ready to go to bed. If massage doesn't work, talk to him, tickle him, sing "body" songs saying good night to his body parts, put stuffed animals to bed, ring grandma to wish her night night, say bye bye to toys or things in the house... spend a good 20 mins setting the "sleep" mode. This will help you and him bond and find new ways to soothe other than the breast. Then bf him as part of this ritual but after he's finished put him in his cot. On the first days he might fall asleep in your breast, that's ok let's pick our battles. Once we have the routine stablished and going, we'll work on the breast-to sleep association.
If he wakes before the 1 hour mark, help him go back to sleep by using PD or WI/WO (you'll find those methods described in the FAQ section of this board). Let's see how he reacts to this new routine, he might sleep soundly for 2 hours, even 1.5 is ok.
Then as he wakes, do your evening as you're used to, introducing at least one more solid snack and a strong meal as dinner.
Then start your bedtime routine around 630 pm so he's hopefully inbed by 730. Deal with nightwakings with PD or wi/wo, and do not offer your breast before 5 am.
It will be hard, remember all he knows since he was born is this way. I suggest you to send your husband to sleep on the living room cause yes, it willb e loud and there will be cries. I can guarantee you tough that if he had a decent nap in the midday and good meals throughout the day, he won't starve or make him sick if you are strong and keep reassuring him with the methods suggested. But you have to be really positive that you will make it. The first times it will seem ages for you, but once you manage to set the message that boob's not going out in the middle of the night, he'll learn it and will sleep for you. Don't try for 30 mins and then offer the breast, that will be cruel for you and him cause then you've made him cry for nothing.
As for the room moving i'd recommend you to do this sleep/routine training in your room until the vacation's over and hopefully you'll be on track by the time you come back and will be able to move him to his brother's room at once.
I hope some of this makes sense to you. Be sure to come back and post on any comments doubts or vents you need. We're here for you, you can do this!!!!!!
Good luck!
