How do I stop having to go into her room?

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

So dd has a new trick. She keeps calling me for stupid stuff to go back into her room after bedtime. First one is she keeps opening her sleeping bag and calling for me to close it, I intend to rectify this problem tomorrow with a hook and eye. Other demands are tuck her in, tell her to take her finger out of her nose, put her feet down each more silly than the next but if I ignore them and don't go in she will repeat it over and over again until she gets worked up and starts crying. The first couple of times I talk to her, tell her to go to sleep and then don't talk anymore. She tries to engage my in conversation but I ignore it. I have talked to her during the day and before bed, and yes she does understand, I also tried bribing but it didn't work. I don't really want to do a star chart again as I did one a month ago so think it's too soon, that was for bedtime issues too and it worked. Up until a few days ago she was just chatting to her teddy and dolly for 45 mins before sleeping and I was happy with that but need to stop this constant going in and out.  She appears to be visibly tired before 7pm. Here is our routine

7.00 ish awake
12.30 Nap- have had to go in and out last few days, usually asleep by 12.50
14.00 Wake her, she is always happy and never cranky when I wake her.
17.30 dinner
19.00 into room to get ready for bed, 19.15 bed and used to sing for 45 mins as her own wind down, chatting about her day. Bed time used to be 7.30 but when she started taking so long to fall asleep I moved it foward and cut her nap down.

She has now been in bed an hour and is still calling me. I am fast losing my patience and she smiles everytime I go in though I don't talk to her.
How do I stop this? I am thinking of cutting her nap to 45 mins!

Fiona

[Harrisonsmummy]

You have my sympathy! H has tried this on a couple of times, and each time I feel a slight sense of panic that it will escalate! I have to say I am quite abrupt and do show displeasure without being angry. So when he whines for water one night, I go in (bearing in mind he has just had milk) and tell him no he's not getting any go to sleep and walk out. So respond once (in case of sep anx) but not meet the need! If he triesit again, I call from the otherside of the door to go to sleep, and that normally finishes off. I do not engage in anything else at all - and so far it has worked! (I am coming from months of playing put down as a game - not going back there....)

However if that doesn't do the trick - go back to what works ie the sticker chart. It amazes me how much bribery that I engage in with a 2 year old!

Good luck

Justine

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Justine, I feel the same and I am fuming as I am doing the going in and out especially as she is smiling at me, of course she is , she is winning. The talking from outside the door doesn't work anymore either unfortunately, it took her an hour and 10 mins to go to sleep tonight and I lost count of how many times I went in. I actually threatened to take her sleeping bag away at one stage, only of course I couldn't as it would casue all out war. By the way just out of curiosity how long of a nap do you get from Harrison? Am really thinking of cutting back though I hate to see it disappear to almost nothing.

If anyone else has any ideas??? Pls 

[Florencia]

..Other demands are tuck her in, tell her to take her finger out of her nose, put her feet down

I'm sorry but this had made me giggle what a cheeky money! each time i think of it i chuckle... ok this is not helping.

So what about if you don't go in at all? try and wait till she escalates her upsetting and then do wi/wo but then you'll be doing that for a genuine cry, not for each silly demand.

Another thought would be offering solutions in advance before bedtime like, if you get your finger in your nose while you're falling asleep, you can do this, if your feet are up do that etc in prevention of what can happen. Let her know she HAS the solution so you'll not come in.

If the sticker thing worked for you, i think you should go for it even if you tried it not so long ago. Or you could go for marbles in a can instead so she gets a different perspective.

I wouldn't cut her nap short, she seems to need it (you have to wake her) and you mention she's tired by 7 pm so by all means do not cut her nap. If she's taking too long to go down, try and put her down 15-30 mins EARLIER so she has plenty of time to display her tricks and still go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

HUGS... sounds like a tough call here, but a cute one, you have to admit it! sorry i wasn't much help. I'm still jiggling!

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Florencia, you are right she is such a cheeky monkey.  Have offered all the alternatives but she does them on purpose to get me in, told her she can put her finger in her nose if she wants, if she doesn't it's ok, same with her feet up oh and I have to close her eyes for her each time I go in and if I forget cos this is a new thing she calls me back, she is such a one hit wonder that if you do something once for her then that's it, habit!  Then she tries to engage me in conversation ! Your'e wearing shoes Mammy .I have tried everything, have let it escalate then go in, also tried going in before it does in the hope that she is calm enough to fall asleep or even just play as she used to .
I often wonder if she is tired enough but I wake her after every nap and she yawns and rubs her eyes and puts her head on my knees around 7 ish.
Dh will go nuts if I put her to bed any ealier than 7.15 and 7.15 is too early for his liking anyway but I manage to get away with it, he doesnt get home until 6.30 or 7.00 most nights anyway.

The thing that bugs me most is that we are moving house in about 10 days  so anticipate some probs and would like to have this one resolved first, I seem to spend my time resolving sleep delaying tactics, last week it was a drink of water in bed until I told her all her cups were dirty and she could have a special kiss on her forhead instead, it worked, now if it was only so easy this time 

[Florencia]

You have a tough one here... other than the suggested or keeping up with her until she gets bored... maybe a later bedtime? maybe she's bored by 7pm but gets reloaded with the bedtime routine? what if you'd try a longer winddown? that is, more time reading stories, 5-10 mins extra for bath, a massage (i have this under my sleeve with ds always, a foot massage seems to help him "unplug"), extra chat with mom, bye bye to the things in her room and house? so she is ready to sleep around 745-8? might be a bit risky but since you say nothing else works, i don't know if this might... Good luck whatever you decide!

[Harrisonsmummy]

Harrison wakes early 6am and will sleep from 12.30pm for between 1.75 - 2 hours, then bed at 7.30pm. I wake him at 3pm latest, so although he can play up at night, it tends to be finite because he is tired as he wakes so early and is a short night sleeper!

Bedtime antics make me wild because it is MY time! So unless marbles or stickers work, you can only really stick to your guns. I have to say that I seem to be becoming hardened to it - there were some fireworks here a week or so ago, and they must have frightened H to begin with. Fair enough, calmed him down, gave him water etc, but then he had a right old carry on until I REALLY had had enough and told him to go to sleep and wouldn't go back in despite whinging and crying. He went to sleep.

I think I would have to resort to telling the little  minx that it is her bedtime, it's Mummy's time etc and that you will not play any games and perhaps let her get on with it. She may well cry, but you know full well that it will be a temper cry rather than anything else, stick your head round the door once and then see what happens?

Can it really be cio when they are acting up? Sometimes we do everything to avoid that escalation especially at bedtime but then as you well know playing up eats into sleep time. (I don't agree with cio which is why I spent MONTHS sorting H's sleeping) but Wi/wo at this point is really fueling the issue I think. having said all that H doesn't really tantrum, so if left he would cry and whinge, but not make himself sick etc

All I can say from my experience is that I feel that if I had been much firmer in the beginning instead of pandering to all the jumping up and down, we would have resolved our issues a lot sooner, and that a little discipline at certain times really doesn't do any harm. There needs to be a step beyond wi/wo, and that is "goodnight, go to sleep, see you in the morning!" LOL!