trouble teaching 1 year old to self soothe

[amomy]

Hello!!  I need help!!!!
My baby Amelia has to be walked and bounced to sleep for all naps.  We have given up all bottles except the bedtime bottle which she goes to sleep drinking, after which I can easily lay her in the crib.  She is truly a wonderful baby, is always happy............but we have got to teach her to self soothe!!
I started the pu/pd method at 11 months.  I counted 250 pds before she finally stayed lying down, I think she was too exhausted to stand again and cried the entire time.  I tried again the next day and I'm sorry to say that I had to stop somewhere in the upper 100's because my back was spasming.  I don't think I can physically hold out as long as my child can!! 
Amelia's schedule is:
-Wakes around 5:30 to 6:00 if I'm lucky!
-Eats breakfast around 7:30
-Naps around 8:30 for anywhere between 1 to 1 1/2 hrs.
-Lunch at 12:00
-Naps around 2:00 for same 1 to 1 1/2 hrs.
-Dinner at 5:30
-Bath at 7:00, books, bottle and asleep by 8:00 or 8:30
She sleeps all night long with no nightime wake-ups, but in the last week of so when I try to walk her to sleep for her  daytime naps she arches her back and screams bloody murder like she doesn't want me to hold her.  I tried at that point to lie her down in the crib but she stands up and screams with outstretched arms.  The poor dear is so confused, and I feel like a horrible mother that I have somehow not taught an otherwise WONDERFUL child how to self soothe.  I have never let her "cry it out" and have been so tempted lately but I keep remembering  Tracy's words about "losing trust" if I were to try this method. 
I plan to take away her nightime bottle next week and I don't know what to expect from her, is this a good time to try pu/pd again or are there any other bits of advice anyone out there could give me??
Thanks so much for reading and for any help you can offer. 

[Zoey]

Hey there!  Welcome to BW, I am glad you have found us!  Sorry to hear it's so hard with DD's sleep!  I am going to put your post over to the Toddler Sleep gals - Sarah and Florencia as they are better able to serve your toddler!

Love,
Zoey

[yaya]

amomy! Hi there! Just wanted to offer my support as we had/have similar issues with our DS. First off, well done for deciding to teach her independent sleep, it really is the best thing for both of you! Secondly, in my experience pu/pd at this age is a bit much, you really want to be cut out the pu part and try to soothe in the cot as it becomes oevr stimulating for them. If you liek I can talk you through what we do with our almost 1 yr old. Could you just tell me what you like to do as your wind down (in detail?

[amomy]

Thanks for your reply!
I usually wait for a sign from her that she's ready for a nap such as rubbing eyes or laying her head down.  Then I take her to her room, shut her blinds, and start walking and bouncing her to sleep.  Sometimes she will lay her head right down on my shoulder and go to sleep in about 3-4 minutes.  Other times she refuses to lay her head down and reaches out for different toys or books that she sees in her room.  When she does this I sit down and read her a book or let her visit some toys and then we start walking and bouncing again.  Most times she will go right down after this. 
The pacifier used to work like a charm but I was starting to worry that she was getting too old to be using it.  After a recent cold when she couldn't use the paci for breathing reasons, I just never introduced it again.  Yea!!
However, this recent arching back and crying that she is doing at some naptimes makes me wonder if the lack of paci is upsetting her.  I tried giving it back to her during a moment of desperation and she took it out and threw it!!  Help!!

[yaya]

Ok, first off... its very similar to what I did with DS pre- sleep training. I would be brave and just TRY putting her down in her cot/crib after your wind down, then u know what her reaction will be and go from there. You need to (if u want to !) cut out the bouncing and the stimulation, therefore the books, toys, etc need to be ignored at sleep times. Also I would reduce the stimulation you personally give her. For example, chose a sentance or some words such as "time to sleep now" and say them EVERY nap/bed time so she learns that this is what she does in this time. 

With DS first time I put him down in his cot for indep sleep he thought it was a game and played with EVERYTHING he could find in his cot till he felt realyl tired and started gettign fussy: This by the way, I think I fine for the first time u try, let her get used to being there. I tried pu/pd when he eventually got fussy but this upset him more as he just wanted to be held so I just put him down and listened to the cry. First time we did it he got very upset crying. Second day he crying was no where near as frantic so I left him and low and behold after 40mins he fell asleep. I now put him down and go and sit on a chair in the room and give him NO attention. In the beginning he used to try and get my attention then got bored.

Now we are at a stage where I'm going to start putting him down and leaving the room. He wasnt ready to start with so I stay on the chair so he is reassured by my presence but I'm not helpign him to get to sleep at all.

Would be happy to answer any other questions.

HTH

[amomy]

Thank you so much!!  I will start today and let you know how it goes!!

[yaya]

Excellent! I wanted to say that I used to rock/bounce DS to sleep and was terrified of putting him down in case it messed up all of bedtime so I only really got down to serious sleep training when I felt ready, then I knew I would stick with it more consistently. Just see how she is when u put her down and go from there. She may go to sleep like a champ, she may cry. Let us know how u get on

[amomy]

I started trying this method this morning and I don't have a very good report!  I put her in her crib and told her that it was time for a nap and I sat nearby and did not give her any attention.  She fussed on and off (not sobbing which was good) and would stop fussing at times and would jabber.  This went on for about 18 minutes and then I could tell she started getting sleepy, she started rubbing her eyes, etc.  The more sleepy she got the more she started screaming and sobbing.  I knew every time she started rubbing her eyes that she was going to lay down but she never did.  She REFUSES to lay down!!!!!!!  After 30 minutes went by and she was becoming a mess and extremely frantic I picked her up.  She immediately laid her head down on my shoulder and closed her eyes!  Her body was limp she was so exhausted and took a 2 hour nap which is LONG for her.  Did I give up just before she would have laid down?  I honestly don't think she would have!!  I think she would stand there til' the end of time!!  What do you think?  Maybe I should have laid her down instead of picking her up.  In the afternoon we were out running errands and she took her afternoon nap in the car on the way home.  I hope to try again tomorrow if I can figure out what might work for her.  HELP!!!!

[yaya]

amomy, first time I did this with DS it took 2 hrs I too thought he'd never lay down, in the end they do tho and as tiem goes by, it should take less time to get to sleep. When you pu then put her down was she totally asleep when u pd? If she was aware of being pd I guess its a good start but its very important that she actually goes to sleep by herself in her cot, Have you tried soothing her in the cot? I rub DS back or stroke his hair to calm him and then sit down again. I did however find, that the more 'intervention' from me the more he got upset! It is totally normal for her to get upset as she gets more tired, shes wondering what the heck is going on. AFterall she doesnt yet know how to fall asleep on her own, shes learning.

Hope that wasa little bit of help!

SHout if you need anything else and keep us posted on how you're getting on X