Wants to be held all day and only by me!

[Frannie]

My gorgeous girl is 4.5m and is very clingy. I know this may sound strange because she is so young and as if I am asking too much but during her 12 hour day she sleeps for about 4 hrs, plays on her playmat for a total of about 40mins and is usually in her stroller for max 1 hr which leaves a good 6 hours in which she won't leave my arms! She makes strange a lot of the time and doesn't even really want her Dad anymore, which makes him sad.
I am totally in love with my baby and throughly enjoy long periods of cuddling, playing and chatting. But has she got the problem or is it me??!! Have I over done the love?? Am I asking too much??

[ks6]

Sorry I can't help with the answer, but I'm sending hugs anyway.  We were there once, got through it, and now the separation anxiety is back again and dad is no good here either.  I am hoping I'm doing everything right and it's just a phase.

[OliviaM]

Hi Frannie

We're in the same boat - my 3.5mo lo just wants to be held all the time! His is a Spirited baby and wants non-stop attention. I love cuddling him but I am worried that this might turn into a prob.

I was actually going to post questions regarding this, but then saw your post. I was wondering if there are ways of teaching lo to be a bit more independent during A time. Is holding him during A time a case of accidental parenting? Can he get used to it? Is it OK to use a dummy during play time?

Another question that has been on my mind for a while - can I use PU/PD during A time as a way of teaching lo how to play on his own?

Lot of questions... Perhaps, somebody on the forum can give us guidance.

Many thanks
Olivia

[nicolanorway]

have you girls tried to get down on the floor beside your LO's and play with them? that way you are close but not holding them. i spend an awful amount of time on the floor LOL. it could be a way of gently removing them and after a while you could move further away. also dad could also be on the floor with you and thr LO.
HTH, nicola

[Samuel's mum]

I would agree with the suggestion that there are ways to be close without actually having to hold if you don't want to. Get a really good bouncy chair (We had the baby bjorn one). Sing songs together (OK so maybe they are not actually doing the singing ), tell stories, have them nearby to talk to while you do errands.

I certainly don't think you should worry if your LO wants to be held at this stage or worry too much about teaching them to be alone. At around 4months they are just beginning to realise that you are not actually joined together as one person anymore and that they are separate - pretty scary I'd imagine. I would take this time to offer lots of hugs and find ways to 'be with them' while you can still get things done. When Sam was that age I might leave him to lie down on the mat in the bedroom so I could hang up washing. If he cried I would go over and reassure him but I wasn't using a method to try and teach him to manage without me. You've got plenty of time to worry about all that in the future.

Very clingy is the way most new babies are designed. Enjoy it - before you know it they'll be crawling away from you at 90mph and later running and you'll wonder where these few months went.

During A time you could certainly use a paci if you felt that was right and as for holding them during A time - it's called being a mum - not accidental parenting! Think of all those chats Tracy had with babies during A time - songs and stories - when they can't even sit up a lot of your communication time with your baby will be in A time with you holding them or sitting with them.

[MackMum]

Just wanted to add that they get much easier to distract in a month or two - so that when they start fussing for  attention you can wiggle a different toy in front of them to take their mind off wanting to be in your arms. And they get much more interested in trying out the various different gymnastics they can do with their bodies - which is hard to do if you're being held by mum, so you may find that they cut back on wanting to be held as much then. If you're frustrated about trying to get things done then you could put them in a frontpack - that way they're being held but your hands are free to do stuff.

[EmMUK74]

Rachel was like that and I did the "down on the floor" thing and it worked a treat.  I also started socialising her more, going out to places and seeing other children and although most of that time she sat with me it helped her realise that Mummy would be there and the world isn't scary.  the good news is that by 8 months she was much more confident and now at 14 months she doesn't look back twice for me (unless I leave the room of course or am out of ear shot)

hth, hang in there, it will get better

oh and another thing, has she got a lovey?  I know it seems early but Rachel had her duckey at 5 months and it helped her because she could (and still does) cuddle him when she wanted me but I needed to do something like go to the toilet    here's what I mean



and finally, finally, don't ever think you're not nurturing enough, you're being fab and she just loves you so much that she wants to hold you tight