HELP! Constant snacking no naps!

[reubensmum]

I am the desperate mother of a 2yr old and a 6 week old. I have tried so hard from birth to get straight into an EASY routine but have never managed to get bf into anything like a schedule- we just constantly snack and fall asleep at the breast- I cannot get her to nap so she is too exhausted to feed properly. Settling to naps is impossible with my ds's behaviour getting worse and worse by the day, although I try to use pat/shh when possible we have had little success. I know I am a human paci/dummy but she refuses to take a real one and now refuses to take any bottle at all (was trying to give expressed once a day in the evening from week 2). It all seems to be slipping downhill rapidly and all three of us seem to be spending the day in front of the TV or weeping.

DD was 8.14 at birth and has gained 12/13oz each week so I am sure there is no problem with latch/supply. It seems we feed but then she will often doze off and its a constant battle to keep her awake. If I do end a feed when it comes to nap time she won't sleep for more than 5/10 mins, and after a few attempts at resettling will often scream again like she is hungry- which she usually is. I desperately want to establish feeds that have a beginning and an ending and have 3ish hours between feeds- its the only way I can get anything done and have any time with her brother who is rapidly turning from an angel toddler to a horror (I don't blame him when I seem to be comforting or feeding his sister all day long). I am so confused as to how to turn things around- everyone is telling me to get her onto a bottle as the only way to get a routine but it seems a shame as I enjoy it and so does she. I have to think of her brother though and my sanity!

Can anyone tell me how long and how frequently they bf at 6wks and did they have problems settling for naps? Thankyou- I am so glad this site is back up and running!

[Petunia]

I am the desperate mother of a 2yr old and a 6 week old. I have tried so hard from birth to get straight into an EASY routine but have never managed to get bf into anything like a schedule-

Honey, take a deep breath.  Calm down.  Your baby is 6 weeks old - that's practically brand new.  6 week old babies haven't got the EASY routine down yet.

It is totally normal for a six week old baby to still be having 'problems' with the EASY routine.  Mine (who is currently 16 weeks) was still all over the map with naptimes, awake times, feeding times, and sleeping at night.  THIS IS NORMAL.

I, by the way, also have a two year old running around underfoot.

I'll be back later to post more, but for now check out this from the EASY forum:
How I survived the first six months...
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=65842.0

[Petunia]

I am so confused as to how to turn things around- everyone is telling me to get her onto a bottle as the only way to get a routine but it seems a shame as I enjoy it and so does she.

Honey, if you stick it out for a couple more weeks I think you'll see marked improvement in the whole breastfeeding routine.  Hang in there.

I'll be back later to post more (I know I said that above, but I really mean it this time).

My first thought though is this: Are you logging her days?  Are you keeping track of when she eats, how long, when she sleeps and for how long?

And another thought - are you sure you aren't terrified of her crying?  Are you rushing in all the time as soon as she starts?  Or are you hanging back and assessing the situation?  Remember that with two around, one of them is going to have to wait sometimes.  Even a six week old can wait another five minutes while you deal with a need your two year old has.

I know you're stressed out, Darling.  It is soooooo difficult!  The best thing you can do is calm down and deal with things as they are.

[reubensmum]

Having re-read what I wrote I do sound a bit stressed! You are absolutely right and I will try to stay calm and remember it is early days! I will definitely start logging her feed/sleeping times- maybe she is getting more sleep than I realise. I guess I am panicking because  my 2 year old seems to be having such a tough time- he was fine at first but in the last couple of weeks he's stopped going down for his nap and is hard to settle at night, wakes up and wants to get up at 4am! I cannot leave him to go and settle her upstairs and she doesn't sleep in the carseat or pram downstairs. He ignores me telling him no/get down etc, throws things, won't eat etc etc. I have a lovely colorful sticker chart up now so I'm hoping this will improve things! As the day goes on with the pair of them getting crankier as they get More tired I just feel that everyone is unhappy and its hard not to blame yourself!

I guess I was looking for some hope that things will click back to something resembling a routine so that Reuben can have some time with me back! I just with that babies came with a 'full' gauge so that I could have the confidence to know that she'd had enough!

Thankyou for your advice!

[Petunia]

I guess I am panicking because  my 2 year old seems to be having such a tough time- he was fine at first but in the last couple of weeks he's stopped going down for his nap and is hard to settle at night, wakes up and wants to get up at 4am! I cannot leave him to go and settle her upstairs

My son is having this problem too. He's not yet 2 and a half.  But I just try to give him mommy time whenever dd is actually napping.  He'll get sorted out.  Just stick to your guns on the discipline and find something positive whenever you can.

Does he know that he's the 'big helper' with the baby?  Does he help you get diapers?  Does he like to hold the baby?  Does he mimic you with his doll (I got my son a boy doll)?  These are things that might help him make the transition.

Here's a sneaky thing that I have done with dd.  I haven't tried to do sleep training with her because it's too hard with a two year old - at least for me.  So I, from the beginning, bounced my dd to sleep.  I know that's not standard BW practice, but it worked for me.  I could bounce her while I followed ds around the house and chatted with him.  This helped because I was at least in the room with him.  And when I would lay dd down I would walk away and be done.  Because I've done that from the get-go she's used to it and now I don't even have to bounce her all the way to sleep - just for about five minutes and then I lay her down.  She puts herself to sleep with just a few whines at most.

I missed cues a few times in the beginning and tried to put her down to sleep too early or too late.  But that will happen at this age.  When she got older, she was much easier to figure out.  I don't know about yours, but my dd was still really sleepy at this age.  She didn't really come out of that until she was about eight weeks old.

Remember you're still getting to know your baby.  And your baby is still getting to know you.

[reubensmum]

Aargh! Just back from a nightmarish playdate! Ds really aggressive and tantrums lasting 20mins (I sat with him until he calmed down but he refused to say sorry for thumping his friend). I can see that this behavior only happens when he is with me and I am feeding his sister for too long. I am sure I am feeding her too frequently and for too long- I have tried pulling her off when she starts comfort sucking but then she seems starving hungry again an hour later- How long do you think  a bf should be taking at 6 wks? And any tips for getting her to take a paci?

Thankyou!

[Petunia]

The general rule is that if they've gone longer than fourty minutes at the breast, then they're lollygagging around.  So start with that.

Just start using the paci.  She'll suck for as long as she feels the need to and then spit it out.  If she needs to suck some more or suck later, she'll groan and wiggle and be happy sucking when you put it back in.  If she's not happy taking it because she is used to getting mommy, just hang in there.  After two or three days of only offering her your breast when you know she ought to be hungry and offering the paci at all other times, she'll be used to the paci.  The key is consistency.

And don't worry yourself with, "Well, maybe she is hungry."  Err on the side of caution.  Give the paci, then give sleep a good try.  You'll soon be able to tell when she's really truly hungry as opposed to tired.

My little girl, at that age, often wanted to suck when she had gas or indegestion.  If I had put her on the breast I actually would have aggravated her indegestion and gas.  A good burp or some time was all she needed and then she was ready for bed by then.  Think about that when it's only been an hour or two since a feed.

Hope that helps!

[rockmama]

How long is she BF for at one time?  It sounds like she's falling asleep before she's done eating.  It's just so nice and cozy there that she just drops right off!     Have you tried doing some things to keep her awake while BFing?  I used to gently run my fingernails around the top of my DSs head if he started to drop off.  At six weeks I imagine she'll still be sleeping a lot.  I think we were still only going 2 hours between feeds then.  Sometimes 1.5 hours, sometimes 2.5.  So I'd try to keep her awake for 15 minutes on the breast, then try to play with her, talk to her, sing to her, show her a funny toy or something for a few minutes after that.  She might only stay awake for 5 minutes, but she should eventually start to stretch it out.

Oh and my trick for getting DS to take the pacifier was popping it in right as he was coming off the boob.  Just a real quick bait and switch, and let him stay snuggled up to my chest for a couple minutes with the pacifier.  DS would also spit the pacifier out a LOT in the beginning, so we'd prop a little toy in front of it to hold it in.

Good luck!  You'll get there eventually!

[Petunia]

DS would also spit the pacifier out a LOT in the beginning, so we'd prop a little toy in front of it to hold it in.

hmmm...Tracy said that babies will suck as long as they need to and then spit it out.  My lo one did that a lot and I didn't put it back in unless she showed signs of needing it more.  That is what Tracy recommended doing.  By doing things that way, she was not needing the paci anymore at 3 months old because she was able to find her hands because something wasn't propped in her mouth all the time.  Also, she didn't end up needing it as a prop to go to sleep with.  Just my two cents.

[rockmama]

Yeah, I think a lot of kids will just hold it in until their done, but my DS would spit it out and then start crying.    I think it depends on the individual child and their desire to suck.  If reubensmum can get her DD to take it for just a few minutes at a time, I imagine it would help.