Hi there Lynn!
What I'm about to write is my personal experience. Your case sounds so much like mine back then when i had to get into sleep kamp LOL so I'm gonna tell you my experience and what worked for me so hopefully you'll find some tips that work for you.
we went into a downwards spiral regarding to sleep when ds was teething. The first bad period was when he was 13 mos and it was about 3 weeks of bad sleep (with 2 regular night wakings that could last for hours if i didn't catch them properly). He teethed 1 molar and 1 eyeteeth during that period and after trying EVERYTHING we solved it with a dr. visit upping his pain medication and his reflux one (since he had to take such a high dosage of meds, his reflux reactivated and that was making the problem worse). Silly me i thought that was over and that i was the sleep queen. Back then we would only face night issues cause nap was still 2.5-3 hours long although it could take us up to 30 mins to finally get him asleep.
2 months later ds decided to teethe 3 more teeth plus the 3 molars that were left. Oh funny 2 month period. Yes you've heard it right, it was a 2 month period. I started at the first month trying with the meds but no go there. Then things became worse and the nap got 45 mins long, a hell to be put down, hell when waking, early mornings, countless wakings at night time... you get the picture. Fortunately or unfortunately (ill never know for sure LOL) i wasn't breastfeeding at that time so breast was not an option. He'd just wake and freak out and wouldn't want ANYTHING (not being held, not being patted, nothing but scream for hours and hours with me sobbing too). You get the picture. I work part time too so it was awful to get up in the morning (it's a saying cause i was already up from 3 am LOL) and go to work like a zombie. Every little thing seemed awful to me and because of the lack of sleep, ds was confused aboutw hen nap time was. I never knew when to lay him down and it started causing a strain in my marriage. I remember particularly in my bday, dh and some friends took me out for lunch. I was stressing all the time about ds's nap which of course was 25 mins long that day. He wouldn't drink his bottles either (he was EXHAUSTED all the time so we faced some eating issues too, apparently he was too crabby and tired for eating). I came back home early from a crappy lunch i didn't enjoy and everyone who called me afterwards to wish me a happy bday had to leave a message cause ds would scream his head off if i left his side. Funny bday, i know...
That very day i decided things needed a drastic change and this was my plan:
1. I decided that WE (the 3 of us) needed to sleep more than anything in the world. So since sleep was our priority we'd hang around in not so clean clothing and lame ironed. Yes, you have to stablish priorities. Laundry, ironing and fancy meals got the last rank on my priority list.
2. Since it was already december and i was gonna get a christmas bonus and a 2 week vacation i decided that i needed some more time off so i asked for another 2 week without payment (of course, my boss is not that understanding LOL so he agreed id be out of the office without $$$). I always say this was the key decision for me. Since i stopped worrying about waking (or being up) early in the morning, getting dressed and rush out of my home then call a huge amount of times to see how ds was doing and wondering when the nap would be and rushing home to extend the nap... i relaxed a lot knowing that my only responsibility would be ds's sleep. In your case, you can try and book a couple of hours every day when it's just you and Jack's time, nomatter what Mattew is doing or needing, book those speacial hours for you and Jack. Then, let him know that you're gonna need him to understand that for family's sake you have to work the rest of the day with Matthew so you all can be happier. I'm sure he'll understand if he gets his share of the pie (that is special and unbreakable time with you no matter what). Have someone watch Matthew during that time, no matter how cranky he gets. It's only a couple of hours and he'll live LOL.
3. What I did regarding to sleep? watch watch and track. I did gradual withdrawal for each and every sleep period (naps and bedtime). I layed him down and put my mattress next to his crib and try and go to sleep myself too. If i woke up 30 mins later, i'd read or do a craft (i even got a clip lamp that helped me during those rough days LOL). Since my priority was sleep, dh had then to make dinner, live on frozen meals, order a pizza and do his laundry. IT was fair since we all needed our sleep back. It was particularly helpful for naps cause i'd be there for the first stirr and was able to catch it, track it, and then get ds back to sleep easier than back then when i jsut waited for him to wake and all hell break loose. Sometimes it was a change in breathing that was solved with my hand on his tummy or back and that was enough to send him to the next sleep phase. I assure you i wasn't inside the room for the entire nap for more than a week. By then i was stuck in the 1:45 hr mark (a dream come true but i wanted more, i knew he needed more cause he'd still wake crying and looking tired). So i'd just lay him down, leave the room and stand outside the door at the 140 hr mark, then going in and help him for another 20 mins cause i wanted the nap to be 2 hrs long. Another week of work and that was solved too.
4. With the nap being consistantly long and with ds relearning how to change between sleep pahses, the night wakings got solved easier. Now i just had to deal with the early mornings. I did it with gradual withdrawal as well. He'd wake in the morning, i'd go and sleep in my mattress next to his bed and tell him it was night time. First days he'd scream, play, shout, whatever but i just kept pretending to be asleep and telling him that he might go to sleep or hold my hand but we were not waking up yet. Another week of work and that was solved too, at first he'd go back to sleep after 45 mins or riot and would sleep 15 mins only so i'd get him up at the same time each day so nap would be at the same time and we wouldn't loose track. Slowly i started seeing progress (we had setbacks too but i kept consistant) and one awesome day i didn't have to go back to his room early in the morning anymore.
I'll never know if it was this plan or that he finally stopped teething. But the structured plan helped us keep the sanity and looking at the final goal. It has been easier to deal with setbacks too. So the key words for me were focusing on what was wrong and being extremely consistant with everything, no matter how tired I was. It is such a tough process and so heartbreaking too cause some days are hopeless and you think nothing's gonna change ever. But it does, I guarantee you.
I hope things are better at your home and that my little novel helps you in some way. Be sure to post back cause we'll be here for you!
