14 month old driving me nuts

[J&Jsmom]

My almost 14 month old is driving me insane. He has always been a brilliant eater and moved off purees and onto regular food that the family eats with large chunks at 10 months. He's always eaten 3 times the amount of my 2 year old and hasn't really disliked anything.

But all of a sudden he has become a nightmare at mealtimes. I dread them. He refuses to be fed - just wants to feed himself. But if you give him food on his tray or bowl in front of him, he just sends it flying. Nothing goes in his mouth - he literally just lobs it around the room. This has been going on for about a week but in the last few days he's had no more than about 2 tablespoons worth of food throughout each day. I know it's a developmental phase and he's just trying to assert his independence but am going mad with it.

I've started taking him out of his chair whenever he starts throwing food. I then offer him one more chance to try again. If he still does it, I just clear the food away. But I know that he must be hungry and I really don't want to give him snacks between meals because he then just relies on those - but if I don't, his behaviour is revolting because he's hungry.

Besides the frustration of preparing meals and having them just thrown on the floor, I am immensely sick of cleaning walls, chairs, floors, my clothes, his clothes etc. (He also refuses to wear and bib and just pulls one off it I attempt to put it on him.)

Sigh. Help

[*Natasha*]

Welcome to toddler hood. I am going to move you to the toddler feedinf forum as i think you will get more help their.

[PeepersMom]

Melissa - you just discribed my son.  He is 15m old and it was like a flip of a switch how quickly it changed.

This is what I have gathered.  Feed every 2-3 hours during the day.  they should sit in highchair for every meal, and milk only at meals.  Water in between.  They should come to the table hungry but not starving.  That way their temperment is right.  So this means 3 meals and 2 snacks minimum.

Does he do well during daytime and peeter out for dinner?  that is our problem.  I am about to switch our lunch and dinner foods around so that he will have meat/veg at lunch when he is more likely to take it and easy foods like mac n cheese for dinner.  Maybe even oatmeal at dinner.  Just until he gets over this hump and he is a little older so that he understands "If you don't eat dinner you won't be getting anything else"  I personally don't think that if you offer a dinner that should be recieved and is refused (like one of his fav. meals) you should follow up with a snack food while running around playing.  That to me is not a good practice  But again, I do this now, but once I feel he understands the concept that this is it for the night, he can fully make his own decision.  Also remember the mantra "No one ever starved with food in front of them"

I also feel that if you told him that he could have raisins after dinner then you should follow through with that.  It isn't him winning, it is your deal you made.  So if you don't like the deal, don't make one, KWIM?  He is going through a phase with independence, this is true.   Yes our house is a mess, too!

Ok - well all this being said, I am devastated every night when he is begging me for food as I am preparing it and as soon as I sit him down he refuses.  All I can think of is "He is starving!  what is wrong!"

Meg

[J&Jsmom]

Hi Meg

Thanks for your thoughts and sorry you're going through it too. Since my original post, it has got marginally better but not much. He is now eating breakfast again although still a lot less than before. He insists on feeding himself but is now willing to let me at least load up cereal on a spoon and then pass the spoon to him which he (mostly) puts in his mouth.

Lunch I find he is boycotting and being a complete pain with. We usually have our main meal at lunchtime in this house, but because he's been such a pain, I've switched it around and actually on most days have ended up making two proper meals - sigh.

By supper time I find he is hungry enough to eat without throwing food around again - but still not eating anywhere near the amount he used to. Also, he used to love things like broccoli trees. But now he chews them and then spits them out - it's as though he can't handle the texture all of a sudden.

I have been giving him some snacks between meals - mainly fruit - and he only gets milk in the morning and night.

It is definitely a phase he's going through because it's not just food - it's everything. He wakes every night multiple times and takes ages to settle. He spends most of the day crying if I leave his side for a minute. He refuses to take milk from a sippy cup despite me trying for ages. He gets into everything that he shouldn't and I can take him off something a 100 times and he just goes straight back. And everytime I take him off, he has a massive tantrum. I've been wondering for months now whether he has more teeth coming through because my very happy baby has turned into such a grumpy toddler but there doesn't seem to be anything happening.

My older son was a difficult toddler because he was a touchy kid. But this one is spirited to the extreme - I cannot get over his determination and stubborness.

it's just knackering. Sorry for the long moan

[deenz]

Sounds very similar to my dd2 as well - I almost could have written your post word for word!  However she doesn't sound quite as messy as your ds, and is getting some in her tum.  With breakfast I have found at the moment that if I have two spoons, she will often get very engrossed in what she is trying to do with her spoon, that she will open her mouth for my spoonful.  Otherwise I just try for 'fingerfoods' (our dinners cut up) as much as possible, and deal with the mess.  I have also decided tonight that dd2 is going through phases of liking something eg. she used to love potatoes, then hate them, then love them, and now is back to hating them again.

I also understand that after a year their growth slows down considerably, and therefore so does their appetite (although my dd2 is on the very small size, and I don't think she should slow down her growth!).