13 months, recent illness, daylight savings....back to square 1

[emakitten]

Hi there whisperers,
When my lo was 10 months I posted and you all helped me get my text book baby on the road to independant sleep and I have been forever grateful....BUT.....now it seems its all gone a bit sideways and here I am, again asking for help.

So before daylight savings (3weeks ago, spring here in Aus so the clocks went forward) and a week long stint of gastro (2weeks ago), baby was regularly waking at 5 but going back for a bit of a sleep in until about 6 after a morning breast feed (in bed with me). Then there was a morning nap at 10, lunch at 12 and most days an afternoon nap between 2 and 3. Dinner at 5 and bed between 6.30 and 7.

Now it's all different and I suspect that he's transitioning to one nap. He generally wakes later now 6-7am (a blessing of daylight savings) and will go down for a nap between 11 and 12 but generally with a fight. If he has an afternoon nap he wont go down until 4, sometimes even 5 which then results in a good hour or two of trying to get him down for bedtime and finally asleep at 8.30-9pm...too late! If he doesn't have the afternoon nap then I can get him to sleep at 6.30pm but he's cranky in the latter hours of his day and then wakes after 45 mins and I'm back to getting him to sleep until 9pm. THEN he'll wake maybe at 2am and again at 5am and I have to admit that I've been taking him to bed with me.......
So this is my plan....i'd love to know what you think.
1. Firstly I have to stop taking him to bed and start doing pu/pd in the night to get him back to sleep
2. Transition him to one nap after lunch and just keep him entertained with snacks and quiet activities so he doesn't get too tired.
3. Put him down for his 1 afternoon nap and pu/pd when he wakes so he sleeps for 2 hours not 45 mins

So should I continue trying to keep bedtime at 6.30pm? It's broad daylight here ( not dark til 8.30 and only getting later)
I'm having to revert back to pu/pd and wi/wo for both nap and bed time and suddenly this can take as I said hours and a lot of screaming and tears on his behalf. Is this typical of a 13 month old or am I not reading his cues properly?

I'm feeling a bit confused with it all and would love some feed back
Emma, Huxley's Mum

[Lana]

Hey there I am going to move this over to sleeping for Toddlers for you

[Katet]

Sounds like he is ready to transition to 1 nap.
with us that took about 2-3 weeks of shortish naps in the middle of the day until they lengthened... I would try for 10-15mins & if he calmed then try longer, if he got upset I gave up & moved on with the day...  the same went with my SIL who was doing the same with my neice... we spent lots of time sympathising with each other & it got better for both of us. I must admit I did spend lots of time just having quiet cuddles & car drives & put much of life on hold for that few weeks & it paid off

13mo is also prime time for SA so wi/wo may not be the best... I know at that age I found it best (with both my boys) to stay with them until they fell asleep.

I think irresective of the day light hours you should put him to bed when it suits you (& his needs) I have block out (black cardboard) on both my boys windows & it is the "routine" that indicates bedtime around here not how light or dark it is.

[emakitten]

Thanks Kate....so good to hear I'm not alone with my dramas!
Just a couple of things to clarify....when you say you initially did shortish naps during the day, do you mean just one nap or a couple?
If I don't do wi/wo he just runs up and down the cot often avoiding my attempts to pu/pd....I just tried then for 45 mins with out leaving the room but no eye contact, no talking with the room very dark.....If I can't do either of these techniques I'm left just sitting there in the dark, literally! I'm feeling exasperated and a bit useless with an overtired and defiant 13 month old....any other suggestions??!
Help!!!
E

[Katet]

Yes pretty much just had it at 1 nap around that time as with a 3yo I struggled to try & get anything else & I had a broken foot at the time... had I been mobile I would have tried for catnaps in the pram, but that wasn't an option.

I'm not sure what the problem with you being there sitting in the dark is & why  is it that you can't say anything or make eye contact ? ... all I'd be doing it giving a calm mantra like message "time for sleep" or "night night" & sit & read a book... that is what I did while my ds walked around his cot... if he isn't ready for sleep he isn't going to do it, but the "down time" is good for them too even if they don't sleep. I had to stay in the room otherwise he got upset, but he would happily look out the window while I sat there & then settle down for sleep (often requiring a few pats)... after a few weeks when he got used to the 1 nap I was able to put him down with no me in the room.

[emakitten]

I was sure that in Tracey's book she says no eye contact, and the no talking....normally I sing to him and if he pops up I say 'Lie down please' and 'its time for sleep'...in that mantra kind of way BUT recently I have been feeling like its now all part of the game of popping up and down all the time...and the maternal health nurse suggested the no talking. I'd prefer to keep up the mantra...at least then I feel like I'm contributing to help him calm himself. Anyway he's up now and quite content playing with his toys....so I suppose that's fine
I'll keep you posted after this next 24 hours and see how my little angel pans out.
Thanks again
E

[Katet]

I think the no eye contact & no talking is about in the middle of the night.

I think it is part a game, but if you can remain consistent in your approach it does pan out... we all want it to happen in 5mins, but after my first son, once I let go & gave myself 3 weeks for the big changes, I have always been pleasantly surprised at how much less stressful it can be.

Without doing too much of a put down... I have only met one maternal nurse who was anygood & her messages have always been "work with your child there is no hard & fast rule or method I can give you"

[emakitten]

Well a better night was had by all...only once waking in the night at 11pm and fairly easy to settle. He has, though woken early at 5.30am and I fear now I'm not going to be able to stretch him to have the 1 after lunch nap today. I think an 8.30am nap is due....Is that a bad decision?
I'm also beginning to feel that maybe because I did a bit of wi/wo over the last few weeks and if he's suffering from SA (which he does) he really doesn't want to go to sleep when I'm trying to either nap or bedtime him because he doesn't trust me to come back??!! My husband seems to have much more success at the moment, which is generally pretty unusual. Should I just let this new thing with the boys happen and enjoy the time out from bedtime dramas? or should I continue with him to rebuild the trust?

[Katet]

honestly if it is working with Dad & ds, then give them that time. I had the same problem with bedtime with ds#1 & then after a few weeks we took it in turns & it worked great. Now we both have our "parts" & it is a bedtime "saga" with games & stories... actually it is fun, but it takes over 1/2 hour.
You still have nap time to do & that can be just as important & actually for us the "harder one" as the wind-down is often more disjointed... I have found that increasing the number of stories I do has worked a treat there... but ds#2 is almost 18m & a bookworm
I'd keep that 8.30 nap to 20mins if you see this post before then... I did that on -off for a while & still on the odd occasion 4 months later we get a morning cat nap... but never a proper length one as that messed things too much