Is our 17 mo manipulating us?

[cam621]

For several days now, our 17 mo dd has been refusing even things she has eaten in the past. It is so stressful since I have NO clue what to feed her now.  She has literally ONly eaten slices of cheese and "goldfish", a little oatmeal and milk the whole day (and maybe some bread).  She ends up throwing the food on the floor if I even introduce anything else.  My husband thinks she is manipulating us since she it is finally something she has control over.  He thinks when she starts throwing food, that we should just take her out of her seat, say "all done" , and bring her back later with the same food if she is hungry later on.  will she learn that we aren't going to give her 18 different things per meal?  or is it too young to "discipline" her in that way?   

Thanks in advance for your help!

[Katet]

My ds#2 used to eat everything in sight & then about 6 weeks ago (around 16.5mo) he started eating like a sparrow... being ds#2, I was expecting it.
Yep if she starts throwing food, take it as she is finished. She isn't growing as fast now & doesn't need much to eat... infact sounds like in quantity she is dong about the same as my ds.
I don't offer the same food again because I want to keep the variety & also I offer the same as the rest of the family, so I either dispose of it or use it in another way eg veg gets pureed & mixed in next nights bolognase.
I put 2 foods I know my boys like on their plate & 2 others & that is the meal... what they eat I don't worry about (anymore) & I accept they have had what they need & if they are hungry later, they can have fruit or veg (which they rarely eat) & milk (since ds#2 isn't a big milk drinker/ dairy eater)- they are always on offer meal time or not as far as I am concerned as I can't tell them when they should be hungry. With ds#1 (3yo) he does at times say "I will eat it later, can we put it in the fridge" & I offer later, with ds#2, I just move with the day & meals

[Samuel's mum]

My husband thinks she is manipulating us since she it is finally something she has control over.

 

At worst you could consider she's learning how to manipulate her world and all the things in it. However this is an exciting and good thing and a necessary stage. She is certainly not consciously seeking to hurt or disappoint you or 'manipulate' you in a negative way - why would she do that?

It also reminds me of a phase Sam went through. I called it the gravity phase. With him, throwing stuff off the highchair was about learning how things fell and it was also the only way he could communicate he wasn't interested. He wasn't up to "I really appreciate the effort it took to make this but would you mind terribly if I passed"!!!!

I didn't react in a big way. I just ended the meal or that part of it. I might say something like "it makes me sad when things go on the floor because I don't like cleaning it up" but I kept my tone fairly light. The phase didn't last long.

He thinks when she starts throwing food, that we should just take her out of her seat, say "all done" , and bring her back later with the same food if she is hungry later on.

A version of this isn't a bad idea. As long as she's been given a chance to eat and she's not being whipped out at the first throw. Or she's being taken out 'angrily' as I think that could have negative associations. I wouldn't keep offering stuff - certainly not 18! Only offer her what the meal was going to consist of in the first place.
I'm not sure about the same food later. That isn't always hygenic and it's even less likely to be appealing. However I would certainly be for using a very clean mat under her chair and if something can be salvaged and put in a sauce the next day then I would agree with that.
It's true their appetites vary enormously. I would just focus on making meals a happy time and not a battleground. Don't get too tense. You can't make someone eat -all you can do is provide the food and the tools. Try and ignore what you can. (I was just talking on another thread about Tracy's BW for toddlers book and her approach of distract, detach, disarm. Distract from behaviour - perhaps sing songs during meals, talk about your day. Detach - ignore the behaviour. Disarm - remove child from setting.)

[MamaC]

My ds (almost 17 months) has been practicing his throwing skills too!  And also his artistic talents of smearing all his food on his tray with big sweeping motions.  We give him two chances.  We warn him, "we don't throw food at the table.  Food is for eating, not throwing."  After the second time, we take his tray away and repeat ourselves.  Then, after a couple of minutes, we give the tray back.  If it happens again, then he is done with dinner.  BTW...he also understands "all done" most times so we ask him that, too.  Then, later, if he's hungry I'll alow him to have some fruit, crackers, cheese or a bar.  I'm hoping that it will work and I'm getting better at noticing when he is not interested in something and I intervene before he throws by asking him to give it to mommy and if he does I praise him.  I'll also offer a food and if he starts to get the look, I'll remove it.  Good luck!  I'm eager to hear what works for others, too!

[andibig]

My husband thinks she is manipulating us since she it is finally something she has control over. !

Dh is right in a way! shes not diliberately manipulating you but is learning about cause and effect.ie that their actions have some sort of response (positive or not).
saying that DD is the same age and doing the same thing . if she doesn't want the 1st item we offer 1 other food and thats it. if she doesn't want it then its down from her seat and we assume shes not hungry. mind you doesn't help that shes teething with her 2nd yr molars at the moment