all exhausted, etc

[Guava]

I have a 14 mo old dd.  After a number of issues related to house moves and illness, including reflux, I did wo wi and after a couple of days of 4 hour sessions it basically worked - miracle!  I was still giving her bottles before her naps and bed times.  She was still waking for bottles 2x per night and I was gradually watering these bottles down and reducung the amount in them.  At that point I was going to write and ask how to eliminate the bottles and night wakings - and then all hell broke loose.

This was a couple of weeks into her falling asleep on her own with no more than a gentle pat from me sometimes at bedtime when she would maybe cry once or twice for me to go in.  I had the babysitter who regularly sits my 4 year old babysit the 14mo old as well for the first time.  Unfortunately she didn't follow my instructions for how to put the baby to bed, nor did she phone me s instructed when things didn't go well, but rocked the screaming baby to sleep - nnnng!

That was about 4 weeks ago and I have been doing wo/wi ever since.  We are now at a stage were that is going a lot better, but it is still a nihtmare and I would really like some help as I feel like I have lost my focus, I also feel like I am losing my mind and I am exhausted ALL the time.  What is more I am a week away from a 2 day journey involving several flights and stopovers, the longest flight is about 10 hours, and then we get to an unfamiliar place about a thousand degrees colder than where we live full of strangers and a 5 hour time difference.  Plus my baby cannot, just CANNOT, fall asleep or settle on me, although she can in a crib or a car.  We just did a 40 minute flight twice in the last week and it was a NIGHTMARE of screaming and squirming and pulling and scratching.

I am dreading these flights with her on my lap.  I will be flying alone with the two kids.

After the babysitter incident she would just scream anywhere near her cot.  Now she will go in OK and will eventually settle, but whereas this was taking a few minutes, now it is still taking up to a couple of hours 4 weeks down the line and for bedtime I am in and out almost constantly, sometimes having to stay, sometimes having to keep my hand on her, and even then she screams and gets very upset.

SA is an obvious consideration I know, although I am confused because she is perfectly happy to play on her own and for me to leave the house and to stay with the same babysitter (although I make sure I am back for bedtime) happily waving bye bye and never getting upset.

She is also still having bottles before naps and bedtime, which I don't mind so much except that she 'needs' it t settle even though she finishes the bottle before she goes asleep. 

She still wakes twice through the night at least.  She is teething at the moment and some nights she is up, down, up , down all night but wimpering even before she is awake despite pain meds.   If I go to her when she is whipering she may settle for a while, if I don't it turns intp an all out meltdown that can last a couple of hours.

She wakes early. 

She has a good routine and schedule and needs and gets two naps a day.  She sleeps in our room because there is no other room for her.  When I travel, however, she will have her own room for 3 of the 6 weeks.

I am so exhausted I don't even know what to write and I am so concerned about this impending trip.  Help, please.  I fly on 28th and land on 30th November, so not long to go and I want to do all I can to help her in the time I have.

Thanks

[Florencia]

Hi Guava I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling.

14 months is a particularly tough age teething related. She might be teething her molars and might need an increase in her pain medication. Talk to your ped about this cause she might need an adjustment or even a change in prescription and you have to consider ibuprofen (Active substance in motrin) is hard on the stomach. As she was a refluxer, she might be experiencing some gastritis/heartburn due to it so ped should know this before s/he prescribes some type of pain medication. If you're comfortable with alternative therapies, you might want to check on a homeopatic remedy along with the pain meds to help the pain ease down. I know this helped me during the worst teething periods.

Now back to sleep training you mention you're trying WI/WO but sometimes pat, sometimes stay in the room for long, etc. This means you're trying Wi/Wo with some variable reinforcements that might be confusing your lo and she doesn't know what to expect. Toddlers are about testing us so she might be waking and say: hey last night i cried longer and mom stayed, or the other day mom patted me for one hour etc... so you have to pick a method that you think you'll follow through without much changes so she'll know exactly what to expect each and every time she wakes. COnsidering how wacky the situation is right now, and how it's going to get (long trip, different bedrooms etc) I'm going to suggest you to try with gradual withdrawal. Since you're already inside her room (cause that's where you sleep) it's a plus. Just lay her down (try that the time between finishing the bottle and actually going to sleep to be at least 10 mins apart so she doesn't associate sucking with sleep) and sing a lullaby, pat/sh or whatever and let her know you'll be right by her side when she goes to sleep. You're not going anywhere so she must feel safe. During the night, try and catch the wakings before they escalate, that is the first whimper/moan/jump and by then, place your hand in her mattress, shsh, whatever cue that helps her go to through the next sleep phase without much fuss. I'm thinking here it's a combo of teething pain and inability to finish a sleep phase.

How long is she napping during the day? You mention she's in two naps but I'm afraid that she's also trying to switch to one,hence the early mornings. You also mention she needs this two naps but there might be a possibility where she's sleeping too much in daytime hence not settling ok at night. If we can try and switch this daytime sleep for night time sleep she might not "need" two long naps cause she won't be overtired during the day. I'm gonna need to have a look at how her regular day looks like to come up with something here.

That's all I can think of right now. Try and not stress too much about the trip, if we can get this figured out in the next couple of days she might surprise you and do well during the loung journey. Take one day at a time and we'll work it out.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[binxyboo]

Hugs. Sorry I don't have any experience with walk in/walk out but just wanted to wish you the very best of luck getting this sorted and hope your flight goes okay.

One thing that did strike me though was you said she will have her own room for three weeks of the trip. I would be inclined to just stick with one sleeping arrangement if possible for the whole trip so it will be less confusing for her.