16 mo up all night with separation anxiety

[Sarah O]

Hey guys,

I am seriously losing my mind.  DS has never been a good sleeper but I thought we were through the worst of it and on our way towards sleep.  Then the separation anxiety thing has taken hold and HOLY COW am I ever DONE with it, LOL!!!  His twin sister is OK, thank god...I'm just so afraid that she's going to join in any minute.     Basically what happens is he usually sleeps quite soundly until about midnight (somewhere between midnight and 1am) and then he wakes and stands, screaming until I go to him.  Now we've been babywhispering our butts off since they were 4 months so we know enough to not pick him up, and to basically do the p/d part of p/u/p/d.  But with this separation anxiety it really doesn't seem to settle him at all (it used to work quite well).  He is so loud that he wakes Hazel now so what we've been doing is bringing him into a p&p set up in our room if he seems inconsolable (which for the last couple of weeks he is).  He then can usually settle himself but the last 4 or 5 nights he won't settle again for hours, if at all.  I had to bring him into bed last night  because DH and I couldn't go THE WHOLE NIGHT without even shutting our eyes.  So we got 1-2 hours of sleep and this has been going on for the last 4 or 5 nights.  Poor DD was being woken up even though DS was in another room.  He's seriously hysterical.

Can anyone offer any suggestions?  I have gone down the road of laying on the floor in front of his crib and will do that again but I'm just not sure what, of any of our coping techniques, is the least "accidental", LOL!!  If we go with the laying on the floor strategy, how gradual is the exit out of the room?  Do I spend 3 nights in one spot, 3 nights a bit further away, 3 more a bit further away than that?  Or should I move a bit each night? Do I only start to lay down there once he has his middle of the night waking or should I start my night there when I put myself to bed?

Thanks guys, sorry for the novel...

Sarah

[Florencia]

Hi Sarah and first off, please accept my apologies for taking so long to get back to you.

Before coming up with a strategy we need to rule out some possible reasons for the waking. Your twins are in the exact age for teething their molars wich beleive me can show some mixed up signals leading you to think of different issues. Sometimes the discomfort shows up 3 weeks before seeing any bump and only at night or when lying down, so you'd think is sep. anxiety when it's actually real and hurting pain. Check in the gums if you can see white bumps or feel hard gums. If they don't have 16 teeth already (including 4 molars) then you're into a fun couple of months. Some teething gel when he wakes and preventive meds before bed (check with your ped the dosage, cause we tend to make the mistake of giving the 12 month dosage when they actually need an upper dosage). Usually motrin works best at night cause it lasts longer but it is hard on the stomach so it's better not to use it for 6 days ina  row or to switch nights between tylenol and motrin to be able to use this last one for a month or so. Again, this is just guidelines, check with your ped for specifics on this.

Then, I'm gonna have to take a look at his schedule. Is he on one nap a day or two. What are his activity times and how long does it take him to go down at night? we have to rule overtiredness or possible tweakings needed to his schedule.

Right now, I'd suggest you to try the gradual withdrawal method (check at the faq section of this board under a thread called Teaching Independent Sleep and also under Most Common Sleep Busters). If he settles easier with you in his room, then you have to go for it at least until we think of something else. DOn't worry about accidental parenting, if he's crying so loud and under that distress, something's disturbing him and we have to figure out what it is and be able to meet his need. Do what you can to achieve some sleep yourself and to avoid dd to wake up, even if that means taking ds to your room. But I'm thinking of an illness or some kind of pain here due to his signs and the fact that he was not accidental parented in the past.

HTH and keep us posted!!!