This is the worst it's ever been. (sorry, long)

[daniellechiasson]

My DD is 1 yo and in the last week her sleeping has gone from bad to worse. She has never been a great sleeper. After some training in her 8th month, we got her naps on track and her nighttimes were coming along until teething hit. But now, everything has gone to H-E-*-* in a hand basket.

About 3 weeks ago we were on vacation, she ended up sleeping in bed with DH & I for most of the trip, mostly out of courtesy to the family we were staying with, we didn't want to keep them up with her crying in the night. When we got back from vacation she got a terrible cold, DH would not let her sleep in her crib because he was worried about her breathing. So the cold was gone and I started to put her back in her crib. She would go down no problems at 7pm, sleep until between 11pm and 1am. When she woke here I would try PD for up to 2 hours, she would scream and cry the entire time. I eventually would cave out of need for peace and some sleep, take her into bed with us and she would crash immediately. Well, the last two weeks it has gotten even more out of control. Now she cries the second I put her into the crib, sobbing, screaming, the whole 9 yards. She is waking at 5am and refusing to go back to sleep, even if I give her a bottle, try to snuggle her in my bed, anything & everything. Tonight from 7:30pm till 9pm I struggled with her, in the crib, out the crib, rock for a bit, try again. I would have her calm in my arms, the second I even motioned for the crib she would tense up and freak out. Finally I walked to my room, layed her in the middle of my bed and she flaked, crashed immediately, limp as a noodle, soother popped out and everything. I wasn't even snuggling her, she was totally on her own in the bed.

Why would she be doing this? Could it be separation anxiety? Why does she only do it for night time, she takes her nap in the crib no problem? Could she be feeling the effects of me going back to work and needs this time to reconnect? I was home for a year with her, now she's got my sister caring for her in the mornings, my DH in the afternoons.

Her routine is all out of wack with the 5am wakings but we were working on the 2 to 1 nap transition and for a week she seemed to be doing well with it. She was napping at noon until 2pm, then going to bed by 7pm. She has cereal with milk when she wakes, a snack about 9am, lunch at 11:30am, snack when she wakes and supper at 5pm. We offer her milk in the sippy cup throughout the day and a bottle after her snack (sometimes she wants it, next time she doesnt) . She takes between 7 & 9 oz before bedtime.

I know this is a jumble of information but I hope someone has some suggestions. I have a fairly high-stress/paced job and this 3 hours of sleep a night is killing me. I am even getting short of patience when dealing with my DD and that scares me. When I feel myself getting to that point with her in the middle of the night that's when I take her into bed with me.

Can I get out of this vicious cycle? Help!! Thanks in advance.

Danielle

[angelina and andrew's mum]

if she likes a big bed have u tried a big bed of her own with ur scent on it. im afraid i dont have much else to offer bit good luck.

[Lana]

Well I think you already know the answer right?  She has gotten used to you taking her to your bed and knows that if she cries long enough you will give in. 

Now you have reached the crossroads and must make a decision and stick to it.  Either take her to your bed right away and dont make her cry, really it is not fair to her that you "try" pd for any length of time and then give up, or perservere with the pd until she is sleeping in her bed again.

Either way it is your choice but if you decide to go with pd then you really need to commit.  You can start on a weekend when you are off and I would suggest you get dh to help.


{{{{HUGS}}}}

ps I am also going to move this to sleeping for toddlers.

[Lola]

Danielle I'm confused about your post..but hell, I'm confused about most things

M was a GREAT sleeper all of her infanthood..then YUCK from 9+ months on..loads of struggly posts on here but nothing seemed to work consistently...etc etc..
Last night was her third night sleeping thru again adn I have done NOTHING for her...PM if you want and I can explain what I mean and try to get what you mean
Laura

[mari]

OK, I have had a quick read through (bedtime at the mo, so it was a quick read) and I was wondering, you said that you are switching from 1-2 naps, how are you doing with it so far?  If the nap was working 12-2pm, I would try to stick with this, also how does she go down for her nap?

Next, how would you like her to sleep?  If you are set on getting her to sleep in her crib, then I would advise that you make this decision and stick to it, on no account take her out of the crib and into your bed again.  At the moment she doesn't really know what you want from her, do you want her to sleep in her bed or yours, and she is also probably happy to go with sleeping in your bed and is batting for that solution!

I would suggest PD and walk out.  When dd starts to cry, go in, settle briefly  then leave again.   This way, you are there for her, but she gets to understand that she must stay in her crib.  It will take a while, perhaps a week Have you read the FAQ on this board, it gives you all kinds of suggestions for sleep issues. Whatever you decide, you must be consistent, it is stressful, but get support from DH.  Good luck and PM me if you like.  Let me know how you are doing.

[SylvieA]

Danielle, I didn't realise Gaby had sleep problems. We are going through a lot too lately and don't know how to fix it. Let me know if you find a trick or two to help her sleep. Much needed here too. Good luck.

[andibig]

Danielle.
is there anything you can take from your bed that you can put in her cot (obviously not the duvet LOL) or anyway you can make her cot more like a bed. i mean compared to a cot a beds pretty comfy.maybe you could put a duvet in her cot which she can lie on top of (you can get ones esp for cots).
i know this sounds a bit wacky but we're dealing with night wakings here and my brains seriously gone to mush .

LOLA-guess what Sasha has decided to get ger 2nd yr molars

Andrea

[Tatumsmom]

Hi Danielle,
I'm so sorry you are having trouble,  I have no advice but just want you to know you are a great mommy!! I know it is so easy to get frustrated in the middle of the night when you have to get up in a couple of hours. We are still trying to ween Tatum of her 2:00 am bottle,more nights then not I cave and give it to her just so we both can sleep. For me right know I just do whatever I have too...I know that's not the best but right know it's all I've got. I just keep telling myself it won't last forever. Hang in there  I wish I had more to offer but I'm afraid I'm in the same boat.
Kim
p.s I haven't seen you around lately. It's nice to see you again.

[daniellechiasson]

Thanks for the replies Ladies.

Lana, you are right, she must know if she cries enough I will cave but never in the world did I ever figure she would make it TWO hours in the middle of the night protesting. I really wish I could get DH involved but he can't handle her crying at all, which of course adds to stress because he wont let her struggle it out for very long (I figure that's a whole other post ). Granted he has to get up at 2am for work.

Lola, I know I'm very confusing!! It just feels like there are so many factors and it's hard to explain it all in type. I am going to try to add you to MSN, I am not on too much because of being back at work but perhaps we'll catch up soon.

Mari, she seems to be doing well with the nap transition. My sister is giving her lunch around 11:15 then she's going for her nap between 11:30 and noon. My sister says she has no trouble getting her to nap in her crib (she has been a pretty good napper since we did PD at 8 months). Again, you are right when you talk about consistancy. I will be very honest, we have a king size bed, DH leaves for work in the middle of the night, so I dont mind her in bed with me, not my 1st preference but liveable. My biggest issue is that I do not want to go to bed at 7pm with her, I cant leave her in my bed alone, I am too scared she will fall off. Also, when the weekend comes it would be nice to have some quiet time at night with DH, iykwim

Andrea, I do have a thicker comforter under her sheet to make her crib a bit more cushy. I was thinking about sleeping with one or two of her lovies to see if that helps. I appreciate the suggestion and wish you luck with the night wakings.

Syvlie, if I find the magic cure, I'll let you know! Hugs to Miguel.

Kim, Thanks!! and hugs to you and Tatum, I miss you guys (especially after all that chatting). I totally know what you mean about caving, sometimes I feel like I'm torturing everyone in the house when I'm sticking to my guns, next thing you know I've backed down, the peace is restored but we are no closer to getting her into her bed, she's cried for nothing, I have lost my patience for no reason, etc etc etc. Like you said, it will get better, it has to right!?! I hope Tatum starts to cooperate for you, is there boarding school for babies?!

I guess I have to come up with a plan of attack and stick to it. Appreciate the responses & suggestions.

Danielle xoxo

[Zoey]

I just have hugs for you and kisses and happy belated b-day to my lil sweetie Gaby!  I hope things get better soon, lemme know if I can help.

Love,
Zoey

[andibig]

Danielle
i think the reason she settles for her nap is maybe cos your sister is putting her down and she doesn't expect your sister to put her in the big bed and therfore doesn't fight her (so to spk).
i'm just wondering if your sister would be able to stay over 1 night and put her to bed at night as well and see if that makes a difference.

[Katet]

Can I just say I know someone who works with baby sleep training & she would say you can just work on the beginning of the night to start with & once they learn to fall asleep independently in their own bed it can be easier to work on the resettling there.... that information was in relation to bf & falling asleep, but I think it would hold true for moving them to another bed at night too as they learn from a routine.

So if you can get the energy to tackle bedtime & then for the first night waking bring her into your bed & then once she gets used to going to sleep in her cot start on the night waking & not taking her into your bed at the first waking.
one of the keys I have found with bedtime for both my children is the winddown routine - you need to be really consistent, same pattern of activities, same stories, same words used to settle etc... I wrote the "routine" down even including the settling words so i didn't leave anything out ( bath, get dressed, say goodnight to daddy, & brother, read stories (5-10mins depending on how late), sing lullaby as move to cot, I kiss 2 soft toys goodnight then him & then turn out light & leave...easy as that) I can tell you while we have had our share of night wakings, bedtime has not been a problem since ds#1 was 6mo (except 3 days about a week after ds#1 moving to his bed) & the only time we've had problems with ds#2 have been when we have disrupted his routine due to travel or illness.
Another factor my friend talked about was the "mummy quota" when children wake at night to get time in with Mummy when she works... we saw that with ds#1 who was in childcare when I went to work & I know many others who have had the same problem, so you need to find ways to maximise the "quality" of time you do have with her.

[mari]

Danielle, I am one of the worst accidental parents where it comes to bed sharing, My DH works away and it is nice to have them in my bed, but then when DH comes home we don't want them in our bed so it had to stop.
 The problem I obviously had was, they wanted to come in all the time and I didn't want that so it had to be either or.  I made my mind up and stuck to it.  I did make a mistake and had Alex in when she was sick and boy did I pay for that one!!!

[daniellechiasson]

Well, she didn't even bat an eye when I put her down tonight and I did notice a new tooth when I was bathing her. I know I still need to get consistent, I guess I just have to decide when.

Sasha's mommy - she goes down on the weekend naps fine for me. My sister lives with us right now, I will try your suggestion about sis putting DD down, see if it makes a difference.

Zoey, if you could take her until she has all her teeth and you have put her thru some vigourous sleep training it would be greatly appreciated.   

Kate, we have had a winddown routine all along and she used to go down independantly, but I agree with the 'mommy quota' theory totally.

Love you gals for your input, suggestions and well wishes. I know we'll come thru this.

Danielle

[Lana]

Keep us posted on your progress Danielle.