copied from Props - URGENT HELP NEEDED!!!!

[shanaz]

Hi - I've copie this from Props as not sure where to post it!


This is actually for a friend of mine so is marked urgent so I get help for her asap.  Her ds is approx 5 months old and she has got into the habit of holding him ALL the time during the day.  He's very whiney when put down for longer than about 5 -10 mins, liking to be held facing forward and be bounced gently. 

Obviously this is driving her insane now as she finds it impossible to get anything done, I have to go round and look after him so she can clean the house!  He isn't a great napper and I wonder if the two things are connected as well.

Anyway, she has decided to stop this but has gone straight from holding him all the time to just putting him down.  Obviously he is SCREAMING the place down and she phoned me from her car having had to leave him in the house (safely in his cot) as she was worried that she might hurt him as she feels like she just can't cope.  I feel so sad for her and desperately want to help her but am not sure how.  I remember reading in BWSAYP book about a similar thing with sleep training where a mum had suddenly gone and done CIO and had to re-build the bond of trust, going from holding the baby all night on a pillow, to lying next to them on the pillow etc weaning them into their cot over about 2 weeks.   Does anyone know of a similar technique for daytime holding?

I want to go & see her tonight or tomorrow morning (it's 4.30pm here now) to help come up with a strategy, I know if she has something to focus on she will feel a lot better.

Any advice will be gratefully taken!  I'm going to consult the book when I get home too (I'm at work at the mo).

Thanks
Shanaz

[Grace's Mom]

Shanaz....what a good friend you are.  I don't really have much experience in this but all I can say is that she needs to wean gradually.  The baby is screaming because all he has known is his mommy holding him and now no one is.  It would put me in to a bit of a shock too iykwim.  Bad habits like this normally just don't just change over night.  Best of luck.

Maybe she could put him down but stay right near by and distract him with some toys. Get him use to playing with certain things and once he gets use it have her little by little spend some time letting him play by himself.

He will be able to do it, keep reassuring her of that.  Just like it took time to create the habit it will take some time to break the habit.

Melissa

[*Kimberly*]

I think the same kind of plan could be made for this type of problem as with the crib issues you mentioned from the BW book.

The first step would be the play with her lo on her lap on the floor.
The second step would be to play with her lo on the floor next to her.
The third step would be to be on the floor with her lo and him playing by himself.
The fourth step would be for her to be standing in the room while her lo plays by himself.
The fifth step would be for her to be across the room from him.
The sixth step would be for her to leave the room for a couple of seconds.
Then she would just keep increasing the time she could be out of the room.

Does that make sense?

It might take a while and would be very time consuming for her.  I used a condensed version of this when my lo began to have some AP issues and it worked well.

I hope I helped some.

Kimberly

[rebecaq]

Hi Shanaz,

Wow, your poor friend!  First of all, I think that breaking the trust and rebuilding it is not the right way to go.  She needs to wean him from her slowly, peacefully and as gently as possible. He's 5 months and doesn't understand why mommy isn't there 24/7 anymore. You need to remind her of that.

IMHO, her best course of action is to sit him in his bouncy/swing/stroller and remain with him and soothe him until he gets used to that. Then little by little to start moving further and further away while calming him whenever he gets upset. Lots of peek-a-boo playing so he understands that even though he doesn't see her doesn't mean she's not there.

Do you know if he has a routine or not? How does he sleep?

- Beca

[shanaz]

Hi all

Thanks so much for your ideas and advice.  All of you have suggested what I thought already, doing it slowly and gently.  I like the idea of the peek-a-boo games as well.  He's been particularly bad this week as he's not been well so this hasn't helped things.

Beca - he sort of has a routine but she struggles to get him to sleep for longer than 30-45 mins at a time so often only has 2 hrs sleep all day.  He can stay awake for over 4 hrs.  It's v hard as I've suggested BW, even bought her the BWSAYP book for a baby shower gift but of course I can't force her to do it!  She's sort of used the Contented Little Baby book at times but really I think she's lacked an overall consistency and has taken the "easy" option by holding him, bouncing him, patting him to sleep etc.  He doesn't seem to go off to sleep well by himself either.

All in all, a lot for her to put right in time for nursery (he starts at the beginning of Jan).  I hope I can help her find a way through it!

Shanaz