Dad needs help - trying to help Mommy in a unique situation

[bumper0203]

Our 5mo. old is waking every 1-3 hours at night and we cannot seem to figure it out.  To make matters worse, my wife is dealing with a family tragedy right now and is with the baby in another city, which means I'm unable to help.  I am desperate to get her some help, as she is nearing a breakdown having to deal with this and her grief on no rest.  Other than her waking at night, she seems to be a very normal, happy baby.  Her patterns seem normal during the day (I'll try and lay them out below) and she rarely gets fussy.  We have tried the PU/PD method, but my wife just gets too exhausted to do it (and it doesn't seem to be working), so she continues to use feeding and rocking to put her back to sleep, which doesn't seem to be helping.  Here are a couple things I think could be causing the problem:

- We have traveled frequently over the last few months with her, which seems to have disrupted her patterns
- She seems to be congested frequently
- She usually only cries when she rolls over on her back
- She gets excited when people are around and doesn't like to sleep (which has happened often lately)

Her routine (I think):

- wakes at 7am for the day and bf on both sides
- activity for 2-3hrs
- nap for 1-2hrs
- bottle feed (8oz.) and rice cereal
- activity for 2-3hrs
- nap for 1-2hrs
- bf on both sides and rice cereal
- activity
- down for the night

I think this is it.  Sometimes it varies slightly and she has begun to eat more.  Please help if you can.  At this point I'm willing to do anything to help get my wife some rest so she can focus on her family situation.

[RachelC]

I am so sorry for the situation that your wife is in.  Has your daughter been waking so frequently before this trip?  How long will she be away and will there be much travelling once she comes back?  The reason I ask is that it may not be worth it to change a whole lot right now.

One thing I do notice is that your daughter's awake time is very long.  My daughter could not handle 2 hours of awake time until 6 months.  You may want to pop in on the EASY board for sample routines for her age.  https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=10385.0

[bumper0203]

Thanks very much for your reply.  It has been going on for a coupe of months.  Before the traveling started, she was able to sleep for around 5hrs. at a time at night, so things were pretty normal.  Unfortunately, it looks like she will be gone for quite some time, so hopefully she will have enough time there to get her in a routine.  I'm just not sure how to get her in a routine when I'm not there to help do it.  I wasn't aware that her awake time was so long (although my wife just told me it's usually closer to 2hrs.).

Some of the easy routines look similar to what we've been trying (my wife has read the book cover to cover....I've read parts), but I will show these to her this weekend when I'm there and see if we can get something better worked out.  Any other suggestions would be much appreciated, especially given that it will be hard for us to try a lot of the "textbook" fixes.

[Silas Mum]

I could be way off base here, but I wonder if she's hungry?  I know it's not suggested to start solids earlier than 6 months, but she is 5 months and if she's on the bigger side, maybe she needs a bit more to feel satisified. ??  My LO did this and more food solved the frequent wakings.  Has a soother or comfort item been introduced?

Maybe she should try reducing "A" time by 15 minutes to see if that helps.  I had no idea how much the length of "A" time could affect the naps AND night time sleep.  I've had to tweek by 15 minute increments many a time.

Lots of hugs to you all during this difficult time.
Allison  =)

[linfran]

Big hugs....that must be so hard to deal with.

When your lo wakes at night and is fed, does she take much food or is it a habit thing (where she's waking at the same time each night?).  If it's a habit thing a soother might help resettle her again.

If it's hunger, I agree with pp, she might need a bit more during the day or "tanked" up with milk before she's put down at night?

One other possibility could be that she's starting to teethe, are there any other signs (the congestion could be part of this, my son is a little snot goblin when he's teething).

I really hope you can find something to help, but if you're still stuck, pop back on and let us know, there's plenty of us who have been there and someone might be able to suggest something else we haven't thought of.

[carolyn]

This must be really hard on your family.  Your wife is so lucky to have such a caring husband! 

It has been a long time since I dealt with a 5 month old so I may not be much help.  I wanted to suggest that maybe there is an allergy going on if your LO is congested often.  That could definately be disrupting sleep.

I hope you are able to sort it out soon.

[bumper0203]

Thank you all so much for your posts.  These are very helpful.  I was actually thinking she may not be getting enough food (Grandmother suggested it as well).  She's a big baby (95th percentile for both height and weight), so it would make sense that we need to feed her a bit more.  She is also teething, which I assume is another contributor.  I'll try giving her more when I'm there this weekend and see if it helps.  The one other question I have is whether I should fill her up more on milk or solids?  In other words, should I feed her the usual amount of milk and more solids or vice versa?

Thanks again for your kind and helpful responses.

[Elise's Mum]

My daughter is nearly 9 months now. And boy, have we been dealing with teething. Basically, I keep a daily diary of her routine and how much she eats. It helps me to notice patterns I may not normally have seen. While it is tough getting used to and requires effort, it may help your wife see something she may have overlooked. I even noted what foods she was eating that day so as to pay attention to possible allergies.

Also, when we suspected teething, we gave her a pain medication (Tylenol or Mortin) at 5pm and then again at the 11 Dream Feed. That helped to get her through the night. I didn't give her meds durring the day as she seemed fine then.

As far as amount of food is concerned, I have learned when I am suspicious her needs have changed, I start to let her have as much as she'll take at feedings for a couple days and note it. I can see how much more she is taking (if any) and adjust my schedule and routine accordingly.

The log has been my life saver. Even when I travel, I log as best I can. Perhaps that will provide her some help. To try to make it a bit easier and more enjoyable, I even note the mile stones or cute things she does that day. I figure it'll be a nice thing for her to look back on one day as well.

Good luck.

I should also say, my little one is in the 95 for both as well. She's a big girl and requires more than many babies I know.

[linfran]

My son is 10mo and is the 99th centile for height and weight, and boy he can be hard to fill up!!

Also I remember that coming up to six months he had a growth spurt and shovelled in so much food and milk I couldn't work out where he put it!

I know that the guidelines say 6 months for solids but when my son was 15 weeks he was getting over 40oz of milk a day (he was bottlefed) so the health visitor suggested we put him on solids and apart from the usual stuff to avoid told me not to give him wheat products until at least 6mo.

We started at lunch with baby rice then once a week tried a new fruit or veg - I think we tried pears first then carrot and sweet potato, just a couple of spoonfuls till he got the idea (didn't take him long!).  It really helped settle him at night as he had been waking for feeds.  Over the coming weeks we started giving solids at teatime - now he has three meals a day and drinks about 21oz, in 3 7oz bottles and eats pretty well.

Now, thankfully, he sleeps 11 hours at night but you're right about the teething, it can really screw them up - Jason wakes up to seven times a night when he's teething.  Unfortunately all you can do is try and make them comfortable (gels etc) and ride out the storm, but at least with teething there will be a break from it.

Good luck to you both - is there anyone where your wife is staying who could take your dd for a couple of hours just to give her a break and let her get a little sleep?  From my own experience that alone can make a lot of difference.

Best wishes

[Silas Mum]

Hi Dad ... any update on how things have been these last few days or so?
Let us know if you or your wife have any other questions, etc... ?
Did she try feeding LO more?

Allison  =)

[Missy Lou]

I've been wondering how you guys are doing also.
melissa

[bumper0203]

Thank you all so much for your posts.  I got back yesterday from spending the weekend there, and we were able to make some progress with our little lady even though her family situation has deteriorated.  I also discovered that there was one additional problem that was making the night waking problem a bit worse: it seems that Grandmother (my Mother), in her attempts to help ease the burden on my wife at night, was using the "play with baby and get her stimulated when she wakes up" technique.  This is not a technique I've read about anywhere, and is one I'm sure is only practiced by Grandmommies.  I also think you all nailed the other two issues, which look to be that she wasn't eating enough and is teething.  I got Mommy feeding her more (which helped her sleep 3hrs in a row the first two nights!) and she will be giving her meds tonight for the first time (she is hesitant to do this).  Does anyone know if there are any drawbacks to giving them meds at this point?  It doesn't seem like it, but I don't know.

I also started a log for her that Mommy will hopefully maintain this week.  She had been keeping one at home but obviously wasn't able to maintain it after the accident happened.  The most helpful thing I've been able to do is to take her for a few hours when she first wakes up for the day so Mommy can sleep.  This gave her a few hours of much needed, uninterrupted sleep.  Hopefully Grandmother will continue to do this in my absence.  I would love to hear of any recommendations anyone has for getting the little lady into a routine at night, other than the PU/PD method, which has proven too difficult and disruptive for Mommy.  I'm still confused by the fact that she sleeps so little at night, but seems to have a normal routine during the day and is the happiest baby anyone has seen.  Maybe she's just not a night sleeper.

Thank you all again for your replies.  They have all been very helpful.

[Silas Mum]

I'm so happy to hear that things are a wee bit better!  As for teething, I do believe at this age you are OK to give meds.  I would stick with tylenol.  My Dr. said that she likes to put some ibuprophen (sp?) with it, as it reduces the swelling, so that's what we do.  So, that being, Advil, Motrin, etc...  I've been using the Hylands Teething tablets, that you find at a health food store, but I haven't had great success with them, but others swear by them.   

Have you talked with your Mum and made it pretty clear about not stimulating DD in the middle of the night?  I find that my parents just kinda' tune me out b/c they figure they've raised kids and did just fine.  KWIM?

The other thing I was thinking about was whether or not DD has a been introduced to a soother or comfort item?  These two things are SAVING OUR LIVES right now. I would just suggest that you two don't run to DD right away when she wakes, just give her time to try to settle on her own.  I know sometimes that I think I've given my LO enough time and it's really only 45 seconds. 

HTH,
Allison =)
p.s. keep up the good work Dad!  Letting her sleep is very kind.

[bumper0203]

You have a couple more good points, there.  We have not introduced a comfort item (although she is a thumbsucker, so she pretty much has a built in comfort item), and have not let her cry for more than five minutes.  The one time I tried to put her back to sleep, she cried very hard for 45mins. and got herself very worked up before Mommy came in and saved the day (or night, rather).  I'm sure Mommy knows what qualifies as comfort items, but please let me know if you have any ideas for me so I can just get them without her having to worry about it. 

Thanks again.  Happy Anniversary.

[Silas Mum]

What a sweetie your DD is!  Looks like she's visited some sunny locales recently ... just where I wanna' be right about now ... in the sun.    Anyway, as for the comfort item, our LO has a small bunny and he tends to grab the long ears.  He also has a small soft chenille blanket with a silky material on one side.  I just kept giving it to him every nap and night time sleep and eventually he got attached.  I don't know much about thumb-sucking, but I'm thinking it must be good since you don't have to go in and keep replacing a soother! 
As for the routine, my gut is telling me that maybe you two should wait until she is back home, if that's possible.  Will it be soon?  If it's not, hopefully someone with more experience will chime in. 

I know that the holidays can be rough for people and it sounds like they may be for you all too, so sending lots of hugs!

Hang in there, Allison
p.s. thanks for the anniversary congrats!