I feel like a failure...

[MaddyMI]

I try so hard to give DD consistency, but nothing seems to be working and we're just so tired.  She's 14.5 wks now and we had a wonderful routine at 2.5 months, but then come 3months or so, all has been lost.  We went on a 1 wk trip and then I went back to work full-time and we're in the process of changing nannies -- so you think she's picking up on some stress??

She does wonderfully when going down for naps, but usually wakes up by the 1 hour mark.  Sometimes, esp in the am, she can go back to sleep til the next feed.  Nighttime, though, is just a fight.  We've started to give her a bath every night so as to have more of a routine.  Even then, a good night takes about 1 hour to get her calm and sleeping.  After that, she wakes up about 30-60 minutes after that and then every 2 hours or so.  I try not to nurse her unless it's been 3 hours, but sometimes, it's just so much easier to do.  I've tried the shh/pat, but I don't feel like it's working.  I know everything comes in baby steps, it's just so hard to keep perspective when you're so tired in so many ways.

Thanks for reading.
Maddy

[ANS]

Hi MaddyMI,

Im new to this forum, but just wanted to say that you're doing a fantastic job.  I have just recently also introduced shhh/pat to calm my LO as she always woke 45mins after going to sleep (it was very easy to put her to sleep she just wouldnt stay asleep) and then through the nite she would never sleep more then 2.5 hours.  After lots of persistence we are finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, the last two nites she has slept in 4 hour blocks.  Everytime I go to calm her down I keep telling myself that she is only little and I am teaching her how to sleep on her own and she is only crying because she doenst yet understand.

It will get easier, but I do believe that consitency and persistence will eventually pay off 

[angelina and andrew's mum]

hey maddy, like ans said-ur doing a fantastic job.xxxx many of the people on these boards can relate to what ur going through, ur not alone!!! i do think babies can pick up on strees but dont blame urself-u have had alot on and its understandable. if youd like any advice from the ladies or gents i suggest u post us your routine and they can have a look at that first then offer some suggestions. keep going(not easy when ur exhausted, i know) but it will pay off in the end.

[* Paula *]

Hugs Maddy, it really sounds like you are going through a rough time.

From what I can see from your post is that your lo does sound very overtired.  When she wakes up from her hour nap, and you use pat/shhh, does she go back to sleep?  It could be that the short naps throughout the day could all tally over to make her overtired at night.  Have you tried Wake 2 Sleep?

Have a look at this link to give you some more information on it.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64168.0

Also please post a copy of your current routine, so that we can have a look at it to see if we can help.

You are doing a fantastic job.  I know how difficult it can be, but once you do get EASY sorted out, things will be so much better.

Sending you loads of hugs.

[MaddyMI]

I would love to post our routine, but it's been everywhere these past few days.  Basically, we had been trying for a 3 hour routine that started at 6am.  She would eat/be awake for about 60-75 min.  Today, was a very sleepy day for the new nanny, so I have no idea what tonight will bring.  She hasn't really been crying to eat these past 2-3 days...does that mean it's time to change to 3.5 hour EASY?  If so, how do I do that?

Thanks,
Maddy

[magda1461]

your doing the best you can! as are all of us!!!!
its tough being a Mum!!! HUgs to you!
i think your LO is definitely picking up on all the changes happening...
first thing is for you to try to destress yourself as she's picking up on this. then sit down with the nanny and try and establish a good solid routine that work for you both! perserver! my LO has always been a 45min nap monster ! no matter how hard Id shhshh or PU/PD... Id still stick to a 3hr EASY at 3 months old.

[* Paula *]

I agree with the PP.

With regards to switching to a longer EASY.  Are you noticing that your lo is taking less per feed?  If this is the case, then it might be worth switching to say the 3.5 hour EASY.

The below link will give you some info on when is the right time to Transition.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63161.0

Keep us posted on how you get on.

[MaddyMI]

So, things were getting better last week - we even had a night where she went 5 hours between feeds!!  That was followed by another 4 hour stretch!!!  I think the bedtime routine has helped.

BUT, now I think it might be time to move to a 3.5 hour EASY.  I'm not sure though.  She eats about every 3 hours, but she's not crying to eat the way she had before.  I think she could go 3.5 hours between feeds, but she doesn't seem able to stay awake for longer than about 60-75 minutes after a nap.  So, that would leave us with very long naps - and she doesn't sleep for that long anyhow.  How do I slowly stretch her awake time without ignoring her sleep cues?

Thanks,
Maddy

[* Paula *]

Hi Maddy,

I would slowly start stretching her A time by 5 minutes every few days.  You will have to watch very carefully for overtiredness.

Keep us posted on how you get on.

[MaddyMI]

I know this sounds stupid - but, how do you stretch A time??  She usually starts yawning about 60-75min after waking, so do I ignore the yawns?  We usually swaddle after the second yawn, so after the first, should be trying to stimulate her?  Will this make her overtired?

Sorry for all of the questions, I just want to do what's right for her.

Thanks,
Maddy

[* Paula *]

I would not try to stimulate her more, but perhaps just try and extend your wind down routine by 5 minutes or so.  You could perhaps have a soft lullabye, or a short story after the swaddle and then settle her down.

You don't want to overstimulate at the moment, just keep her awake a few minutes longer.

Hope this helps.

[MaddyMI]

First of all, thank you all for your help and patience with me. 

Today has been such a sleepy day for DD!!  I hope she's just catching up on some much needed sleep and our night will still be okay.  Here's what she did today, please let me know what you think.

7:15 - Breastfeed
8 -sleep
11:15 - 4oz EBM
12:15 - sleep
12:50 - awake
1:30 - sleep
2:50 - awake
3:15 - 5 oz EBM
4:10 - asleep
4:45 - awake
5:05 - asleep

It's now 6:15pm and she's still asleep!  I don't know if I should wake her or let her sleep and wake on her own. 

Any thoughts??

Thanks,
Maddy

[* Paula *]

Hi Maddy,

Sorry I did not get a chance to reply to you yesterday, did not get a chance to come on line.

Sounds like she was catching up on a lot of missed sleep.

How did your night go?

[weatherlyn]

big hugs to you , we have all been there, it can seem so tough and us mums we live so much in the present, it is hard to imagine the future and any hope of success. Little ones def pick up on change , we also went on holiday around the three month mark and moved house and our DS def did not settle straight after, it really depends on temperament. Also, before the three month mark they do not form sleep associations and then they start , so it is really important to estab a good night routine, i have been bathing luca every night from one month, even if it was just a two sec splash, just so that he would know that a bath meant bedtime and i have never had any prob getting him down for the night. I had to do a week of pupd and sh pat to cure paci addiction and estab good nap routine and it was hell, and you feel like you are doing nothing right, but i can assure you you are doing just great, just being aware and trying to put your baby on the right track is the first step. I live in the south of italy, and you wont believe how the little babies here suffer and the mums are completely oblivious. They are all kept up till midnight, go to sleep in parents bed.. and then the mums moan that their babies are still feeding every hour, dont sleep in the day, and have severe seperation anxiety at the age of fourteen fifteen months... so we are all doing just fab in comparison!!