Feeling very lost - what would you do?

[winnie1]

Hi there

My DS is 4 months (18.5 weeks) and we have recently travelled from Europe to Oz and will be staying with relatives for our extended holiday - we go back to Europe mid Feb.

Our problem is we feel like we are losing "control" over his sleep.  He used to be a fantastic sleeper  - from 2 weeks on he has always slept from 7-7 and woke at 3am for a feed.  Now he is going down at the same time but waking at maybe 9pm or 1030pm or 11pm or 1130pm for a feed and then again 4 hours after that. 

He has always been a bit of a challenge during the day - but from 10-15weeks he was mostly putting himself to sleep during the day too.

The relatives are very excited and I don't get much time with DS at the moment - actually today is the first day that he has had me all to himself in 3 weeks.  I can not do a great deal about the relatives and I know they will settle down.  But what do I do about his sleep?

Is it a phase?  Will it just pass?
I realise there is a developmental milestone around this age too - and he is doing lots of new things, and with all the travel and all the new people to meet its been extremely full on.

I just feel very lost and confused as to what to do.

Before we left DS was starting to want to go 3.5 to 4hrs - but he is currently a shocking daytime feeder.  He may have one "proper" day feed and the rest are snacks.

Any thoughts very welcome 

Cheers
Winnie 

[Sammys Mum]

Hi Winnie
I just wanted to send you a Mummy-hug.
I am wondering how long you have been in Oz as your DS could still be adjusting to the significant time change. 
We went to Scotland from the US when Sammy was 4 1/2 mo's and only stayed 10 days and I really think he never really got over the time change until we were about to come back (of course!!) then he took a while to get back to the US time again.
I was so anxious about it all (that's me!) but he did get over it.
Also, I found that at this age Sammy started going longer between feeds and more activity time so your DS perhaps is changing on top of the trip.
I am sure things will settle down once everyone (inc the relatives) gets used to you being there.
I hope today finds you feeling a bit better...

[*Mona*]

hi there

first of all big hugs to you. you're doing a great job trying to handle your baby's sleep issues and answering his needs.

I think it's many issues same time-
1. a long trip Europe - Oz, change of climate, change of day/night hours etc.
2. too much stimulation for such a small LO. he' still tiny even thou he may seem so 'adult' compared to his earlier days. he needs peace and a more or less settled routine to sleep good. you're saying your relatives are very excited and don't let him and you have too much quiet moments but maybe you could explain them he needs his routine to get back on track with his sleeping? and eating?

are you feeding him in quiet and relaxed atmosphere or with people round? if with people, no wonder he's not properly eating during the day and has to compensate for it at night.

besides, it's true it's time of many developmental issues, such as milestones or growth spurt and many babies change a lot at 4 months mark but it doesn't mean it has to be a change for worse.

I'm sure it will all calm down but could you post your current routine? maybe we could help you more when we see how he eats/sleeps for you.

hugs
Monika

[KathrynK]

Hi Winnie
Just to add to the brilliant advice from Monika above to say that I too have a great sleeper- 12 hours sleep at night every night from 9 weeks old with no night feed- but at 4 months it all went bonkers. They call it the 4 months "crazies" and it seems just that. When you are in the midst of it you feel like it's been going on forever but at around 5.5 months it kind of went back to "normal" again and she started sleeping even better than before. Try Monika's advice, and hang on in there I am sure it will get better!
kathryn xx

[winnie1]

Hi there

Thanks for the replies - they are all appreciated.

Sammy's Mum - we have been in Oz about 3 weeks and I thought about the time zone thing but I think he adjusted to the time zone change pretty well, when he wakes in the night its never to stay awake, he is looking for a feed and goes staright back to sleep like he usually did at the 3am one.

Monika - I do feed him in a quiet spot, (usually the bedroom) as the MIL is fascinatated with BF'ing and has a bad habit of coming and touching him when he is feeding and that immediately ends his feeds.

Even before we moved he was starting to have really short feeds (a few days later my period came bac, so thought this wa related) - 5 mins and it was all over (both sides) but his night time sleep was still intact.  He is a big boy - usually puts on 1kg a month, but in 3 weeks only put on 300gms.

I agree that he is too stimulated and from day 1 have enlisted Dh's help to not let it go too far - Dh always helps as he knows how hard he can be to get to sleep and DH certainly does his share there.

What I am most confused about is whether I should be concerned about a routine while we are not in our own home? 

As for our current routine I don't feel like I have one - he used to be EASY - but now he is a bit of AESY and then other days EAESY.  He wakes around 7 and has a life of about 1.5hrs to 2hours - more at the end of the day.  He gets anywhere from 3-4.5hrs sleep on a good day and 2hr on a bad day.  He used to have 3 x 1.5hr sleeps - but he w is waking after 40 mins at the moment and we don't always manage to get him back to sleep.  He has a bath in the evening with DH, then feeds to sleep.

I have never been a strict EASY - we never wake him during the day as he is always a challenge there - he has never slept longer than 2 hours anyway.


Sorry this is long... 

Winnie

[* Paula *]

Hi Winnie,

Hugs, sounds like you are going through a rough time.

With regards to you saying that he is having short naps, it may be worth trying to stick to a 4 hour EASY routine and see if the extended A time will help your lo nap better during the day.  This could also be a sign that at the 3.5 hour he is not as hungry, hence the snacking issue.

With regards to him waking more often at night for a feed it could be down to the fact that he has only snacked throughout the day and has not taken as much in, hence him waking at night for the extra feed.

At 4 months they do go through a growth spurt so the night wakings could also be down to this, although from the sounds of what you are saying I am leaning more towards the snacking causing the night wakings.

Please keep us posted on how you get on.

Paula