Do I "give in" to a picky toddler?

[vmcdonald28]

Hi,

I've had a look at the support thread for picky eaters, but wanted to ask a more specific question...

My ds is 22 months old, and has become very picky with food, and refuses to try anything new. The only things we can get him to eat are -

Weetabix (without fail, he'll eat this)
Yoghurt
Custard
Mashed potato with sweetcorn mixed through it (although he's starting to pick out the sweetcorn)
Sometimes a tub of fruit puree
Occasionally Bread
Occasionally slices of cheddar cheese
He'll eat most things that arent  good for him - crisps, pancakes, sometimes biscuits...

Thats ALL.

Firstly, how do i encourage him to try something new? If i put something new down, he wont even taste it - he just pushes the plate away, and says no.

But my main question is, if he refuses something, do I give him something that he will eat instead, or do i just say, well, you're getting nothing then, and try again later...?

In other words, at what point do give in, and give him the tub of yoghurt...? Or should I just stop stressing, and give him what i know he'll eat?

I'm just so confused...

[ryan's mum]

The advice we were given is NO you don't give him something you know he will eat .If he doesn't eat was is in front of him then you are meant to just bin it .The idea is they get hungry and they are then willing to try a new food .Like everything else you have to be consistent though and not give in .
 You can't be too cruel by just offering a plate of food you know he won't eat . The plate should consist of a food you know he will eat and  something new , yes he will push the new food away at first but if you persevere he may be willing to play with it , then put it to his mouth .
 Like i said this is advice we were given but we haven't won the battle yet .It's a bit harder with us as we can't let Ryan go to bed on an empty tummy as it will aggrevate his reflux .What i have been doing for the last few months is give him breakfast which he eats no problem , lunch is something he will like ( sausages ) and potato which he wouldn't even try .After a month of putting a potato waffle on his plate he has started to eat them . Evening meal is again a new food and less sausage . I have cut back on all snacks  , it isn't making a real difference as Ryan although chubby doesn't seem to have a huge appetite , he's not really bothered wether he eats at all sometimes .
 Another thing that worked for us , maybe not a good idea but we put crisps on his plate too , he would have sausage anda crisp on his fork .We got him eating bread this way .Ryan also loves ketchup so dunking was fun .
 Try not to stress as they do pick up on this .I was for ever reminding Ryan to eat his food and saying one more and things like that , they just get as annoyed as us .Try to relax and not stress if he doesn't eat then leave him .We have to deal with the constant asking for snacks but i just distract the best i can.
 We are waiting for a dietician appt to discuss this with them .We are not sure if it is behavioural because he had severe reflux ( pain when eating ) or not .
 The advice we were given does sound harsh but i can see it would work . I also hear people say that they will eat new food when they are ready to , but will they  .Ryan has been like this since around 18 months old .Now he is in playschool he does try and nibble fruit 'cos the other kids are eating it but he gags a lot .
 Sorry this wasn't meant to be soo long.Just wanted to let you know that i am in the same boat as you , i just don't stress about it now .The only time i find it hard is when we go for a day out , trying to find something he will eat . Ryan has about 10 things he will eat and that's it , no veg or fruit , no rice or pasta .

[vmcdonald28]

Thanks, Ryan'smum.
I bought little brioche rolls yesterday, to see if ds would eat them (as theyre sweeter than regular rolls and bread). He ate half of one at lunchtime and a couple of slices of cheese...! I was so delighted!

I agree with the advice you gave me - I just wanted reassurance that I wasnt doing the "wrong" thing.

I just dont understand his hatred of fruit, tho! He wont eat ANY fruit, unless it's a puree in a tub. He was eating custard at lunchtime, and i sneaked in the tiniest piece of banana. He scraped the custard off it, and avoided it!

anyway, I've decided not to get stressed now. i'll try what you suggested, giving him something he lies alongside something new. The problem is, there are so few things he DOES like 

[ryan's mum]

I have the same problem , the foods he does like and will eat i can't sneak anything in . Ryan at one point would eat mince and mash potatoes and i could sneak all the veg in . As they get older they get wiser    I have had to lock the dog up at meal times as Ryan will feed her . Ryan won't even have pureed fruit  . He has just started to eat garlic bread , now i never thought he would . I can't even make sandwiches as he will only have bread n butter . It's odd how he isn't getting sick of sausages , he's loved them since 18 months and can eat them at every meal , i do have to take the skin off though , believe it or not i still have to do this with skinless sausages .
 Ryan's xmas dinner willl be .............sausages .I'm trying to get him to eat mash potatoes again but he really has to be in the mood , it's not always a hit .

[mari]

With the picky eater that I look after 2 days a week, I give her what she likes ie, fishfingers and mashed potatoes, and add something that she doesn't want to eat ie, some vegetables.  /then I know that she will eat the fish fingers and mash, and although she usually leaves the veg, I hav had a little success with brocolli and carrots.  She seems to be getting used to seeing the odd thing on her plate!!
Also, I make shepherds pie and grate carrots in.  I make stew and get loads of vegetables blended in,  She loves Spaghetti Bolognese and I blend a few veggies in there too!! I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but I only have her 2 days and her mum is worried and I am fed up of making different foods for her (I don't have the time)  She does eat a little more when she sits at the table with us all, she doesn't seem to notice what she is doing as we are all chattering together, the meal goes without her noticing it seems.  I also am against forcing them to eat, won't spoon feed and if they say they have had enough then so be it.  I have been lucky with my own children and have followed these strategies and have stress free meal with them every time.

With the mashed potatoes, have you tried adding, cheese or onion.  Although Alex is dead against anything that doesn't have colour!!  All potato, swede, rice, pasta, but she eats the green pasta!!!  Perhaps you could try a little carrot or tomato to make it look more presentable

[vmcdonald28]

OK, so for dinner, he has just eaten a small portion of pureed cauliflower cheese, but would not eat it yesterday (I didnt puree it yesterday).

I dont think he has sore gums or anything - most of his teeth are through, and he was happy to eat Doritos...

[ryan's mum]

success all the same . I thought it was the strong flavours Ryan didn't like or certain textures but he eats garlic bread and "skips" crisps which are a strong prawn cocktail flavour .If it works pureeing foods to get him used to the different flavours then it's worth it , maybe start pureeing less . I have tried pureeing but Ryan just says "yuk ! "

[UNCMomma]

Oh, I have the same problem with my 3 1/2 year old, she is SOOO picky.  And she even goes so far as to add gagging drama to our dinnertimes.  If she is "Done" and I ask her to take 2 more bites, she may gag and heave if she is not feeling it.  I used to hate when my mom "made" me eat things, I felt like gagging too!  And like you, I don't know whether to offer something else so she won't go to bed hungry or just have the take it or leave it attitude.  I think offerring the plate of several things is a great concept... will have to do that more. 

Tonight we had pizza, which she balked, so I gave her apples and peanut butter.  No dessert though, even though she finished her apples and peanut butter! 

Who knows, it's a battle...

[RachelAnn8]

This is my first post, and I'm SOOOO glad to hear I am not the only one struggling with a toddler who could take food or leave it.  He has such a small number of foods he likes, and even those he won't eat every day.  I'm lucky that he'll eat just about any fruit on the planet, and of course he will eat anything bad for him (chips and cookies).  But the only protein he'll eat every time is yogurt.  He won't eat eggs or cheese.  He'll sometimes eat a few bites of chicken nugget or hot dog, but I feel like such a bad mommy when I feed him those.  But along with being  picky eater, he has low muscle tone in his mouth so he chews very very very slowly.  To add to that he now doestn' have the patience to sit for more than 10 minutes at the table.  So I have two dilemmas now.  1- Do I let him get up from the table after a few minutes, even though I know he hasn't eaten enough, or do I try to convince him to eat more (I'm trying not to turn the t.v. on, but he'll sit still longer and eat more!) and 2- Like the others in this thread, do I give in and give him the food he wants, and let him eat snacks in between?  I want to do the right thing and teach him to be a good eater, but I don't know how early I should start getting tough (he's 21 months).  I'm scared to let him go hungry, hoping he'll eat more later, but if it works, then I'm all for it.  I have nightmares, though, of him wasting away to just skin and bones if I don't force the issue with him!

[UNCMomma]

I think in a situation like your's (low muscle tone in mouth), eating in front of the TV is okay.  B/c what almost 2 year old will sit still to do ANYTHING for longer than a few minutes?  You can try sitting with him and telling him stories while he eats or something but realistically you can't do this for every meal.  I say you get a free TV during mealtime pass (esp if it's something halfway constructive for him to watch!)

I HAVE found that if I don't stress TOO much about the eating, that she eats more on some days than others.  And I try to always make sure she gets 2 8oz cups of whole milk a day.  Forcing her to eat has never worked...

Good luck!

[dhinderliter]

i am having the same problem. ds eats a lot of snacks cause he never eats his meals even though I give him what he wants!  i am really curious as to how others are handling this situation. i didn't know that a kid his age didn't need all the snacks though so we may be in for a few rough days while he continues to ask to eat and he has to wait until the next meal and then it won't be exactly what he wants! i am very aggravated about the entire situation though!

[mari]

  I have nightmares, though, of him wasting away to just skin and bones if I don't force the issue with him!

I think that the doc would step in if things got this far but really, and I know it's easy for me to say when I don't have the problem with my children, please try not to force them, give them the foods that they like and keep it as healthy as possible but fighting over it will only make matters worse.  I care for a little girl who would go for days without eating I think, but she eats so much more at my house as I don't struggle with her (it's easier for me, I jsut think that if she hasn't had enough then I tell her mum and she can try to feed her later) She eats about half of Alex's portions (she is nearly 4,Alex is 2!) but it's a start.

[Tamara]

Nadia - I could have practically written your post if you substitute 'sausages' with 'fish fingers' !!!

I agreee with PP who say NOT to force the issue - I was an INCREDIBLY picky  eater and I hated meal times as I became to feel picked on and bullied, tactics like 'you're not leaving the table till you've eaten it all' etc.  This happened more so at school than at home, and made me feel really ashamed and embarrased.  But no matter where I was, I'd have to put up with constant coments about how little I ate, how much I'd waste, hoe I'd get ill if I didn't eat ( never did get ill BTW  ) etc etc.

What I'd say to any parent is PLEASE, PLEASE don't restort to any of these 'tactics'  - it's really not worth it, you will damage their self-esteem.  I used to HATE going out for meals as I felt SO self-concious about the amount I ate, which was small, I have even had watiers make comments about the amount of food left on the plate    But that's just me - small appetitie compared to 'normal' people, but let me assure you now, that I have NEVER had a weight poblem and have never been on a diet, so that can only be a good thing.

Despite this, DD is following in my footsteps and I now know the worry I put my poor mother through, bless her. 

I try and offer new foods, even though I know she won't eat it - I try my best to get her to at least try a new food, but then if she doesn't like it - fair enough.  I often give her what she likes, so that she has at least eaten something.  She does eat bananas and apples, eats no veggies, drinks lots of milk and pineapple juice and likes those 'Innocent' smmothies.  Loves fish, loves toast with honey.  Major prob is with potatoes/rice/pasta - doesn't seem to like any of these.  All in all, she's getting the nutrients and I try to look at the bigger picture as well, what she eats over the course of a week rather than an individual day.

[vmcdonald28]

just a quick update on our situation...and it might be a help to those who have added comments (who feel the same way I did when I started this thread!)...

DS is eating a lot better - still VERY picky, but will now eat fish pie. I started out by buying a Sainsburys Kids fish pie, and mashed it all up, so it looked like mashed potato - his favourite. He choked a bit to begin with, as he wasnt expecting any lumps, but ending up making "yum" noises! He spat out all the peas, though  . So I made some home-made fish pie today - just poached pieces of cod in milk and mustards, with some basil, and added cheesy mash to the top. He loved it! Hurray for me!

He has also started eating Cow & Gate Truly Fruit bars. They are 100% dried fruit, and he loves them too! PROBABLY because they come in a wrapper, so he thinks it's a "treat"! so, between that and his mashed potato, and fruit purees, I'm not paranoid about his intake of fruit and veg now. Well, maybe a wee bit 

I think part of the success really was being less worried and stressed about it. For example, at teatime tonight, I gave him a veg casserole thing. He wouldnt even taste it - he just handed me back the bowl, saying no. So i said, "You dont want it? All done?" and scraped it into the bin. I then took him out of his highchair, and back to the living room. Weeks ago, i'd have given him some yoghurt or custard, but now he's starting to realise he wont get what he wants just by refusing something he doesnt like the look of.

Oh, my other tip... My mum collects him from nursery two days a week, and gives him dinner. he has eaten things there that he wouldnt previously eat for me or for dh. SO, if you have a relative that could try feeding your little one every now and again,  trying new things, as they might not feel so under pressure.

But try the fruit bars - they are great!

[Tamara]

Sounds like you're doing great there    Glad to hear that you're able to relax a bit more about it