Think have to do wi/wo again. Any other ideas? Pls?

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Well here we go again, I am having terrible deja vu. We are going through the exact same thing as we went through a few months ago. Last time it lasted for over a month and I honestly dont think I have the patience for it all over again, especially at bedtime.
Basically dd is calling me into her room with all the stupid excuses under the sun and it's going on for up to an hour, when I don't come she persists until she eventually starts to cry. Tonights excuses were "I have a dirty nappy"- of course I had to check, "my head hurts","my foot hurts", "my hand hurts" and even "my ears hurt". Last few times I went in I didn't even talk to her just said "ssh".
I know there is nothing wrong with her, so if I want to tough it out, how do I do that? I have to go in if she is crying?  She has also been given pain med to make sure it's not the last molar that is coming through bothering her. Last night I also had 2 wake ups, very unusual one at 10 pm and one at 1am.
Also my sister, husband and little girl are coming around Jan 7th to stay with us so I would love to have her resettled by then. All advice welcomed. Oh and here is the link from last time round 


Ok have removed link as it was not working for some strange reason.
Fiona

[mcruari]

Fiona,
I think she needs to be 'trained' again
The fact that you are pregnant will not help you keep your patience as much as before and you will probably be much more tired, but try to stick it out.
Have you tried the "Santa will not bring you any more toys" or indeed what we had to do last year "Santa will come and take your toys away" and we actually carried it out It worked..................for a while.

Big hugs and try to keep at it - maybe you could just sit with her until she dozes off and then do gradual withdrawal.

[mari]

Hugs Fiona, I know how you feel.  When we went on holiday recently I had to do the whole WIWO thing and I thought, oh no, not again.  But it didn't take as long and I would advise you to go with it as it has worked with her before and I think that you will be surpised at how much easier it will be second time around, they are all ready trained, you will just be giving her a gentle reminder.  Good Luck.
PS, hope this wasn't too late, have been offline for a few days.

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Hi Sinead and Mari,
Well thanks for your advice, but it's still not going well    DD lost her favourite annoying Dolly after endless wi/wo thursday night, didn't bother her too much, on Friday morning she went in to dh and told him "Dolly Julie is gone cos L was a naughty girl in her bed, if I am good she will be back on Sunday" Today she lost her toy piano, doesn't really bother her so am guessing there is no point losing toys. Thursday night I also had a wake up at 1.00am, 2.15 and 3.00 am, and she woke at her normal time and doesn't catch up on any sleep lost. Last night was just 1.00am, this wake up is easily resolved I go in and give her her teddy and it takes 30 seconds, before she had a small teddy and dolly which moved from under her arms, now they have gone and she just has a big winnie the pooh but she still woke for it. Like I said she goes back to sleep straight away but I don't and lack of sleep is setting in along with continuous sickness so not good, dh will not do only Mammy. The other thing is the nicey nice approach doesn't seem to work, if I talk calmly to her she wont stop crying only if I shout at her it seems to shock her into stopping and I absolutely hate hate this.
If anyone has ideas on how to stop the middle of the night wakening too I would be grateful, it feels like it's all slipping out of control 

Fiona

[mari]

OK, when you go in at night, do you speak to her?  If so, I would not talk, just go in then go out again and do the whole WIWO again (I know, not nice, I am doing it right now with DD as she won't settle after a few hectic days and nights recently) Don't give her anything else to think about during the wakings, just let her know that you are there but she must go to sleep.
It isn't easy I know (as you do no doubt) but you also know that the rewards are there.

Has anything happened recently to make her react with these sudden night wakings?  Has her daytime routine changed or does it need changing?

[Diegos Mama]

Hi there,

I'm going through some tough times with my two year old too, and thought I'd throw out a few other thoughts in addition to mari's advice.

With my son, getting to the bottom of *why* he was upset and not settling in bed was the key piece.  He was/is having nighttime fears, which are very hard for little onesto articulate.  Could this be the case with your daughter?

Also, dreams can really freak them out at this age too, as they don't understand them and they seem very real to them.  Hence, adults' constant instance that it's 'just a dream' doesn't do much to make them feel better.

I think it might help if you sit down with her and try to get to the bottom of what's going on.  Then, I'd put together a plan to tackle them with perhaps a reward system that used positive reinforcement rather than negative (taking things away), which tends to continually put bedtime in a negative light.

My son's fears have been solved for the time being with lots of talking, reassurance, and extra nightlights and the door wide open when he goes to sleep so he can hear us downstairs.  My son does really well when I come back and check on him in five minutes.  I try to be right on time too so he builds confidence that I'll come when I say I will.  In a way the checking on them is like the wi/wo, but since you're telling them up front 'You try to settle down and close your eyes, and I'll come and check on you in just five mintues" they don't look for you to come back by calling == they know you'll be back and can have confidence in waiting.

[mari]

Just another addition, I moved Alex's cot to another side of the room, where she could see the door and landing area, don't know if this worked as I also gave her a night light and opened the door (it used to be firmly shut) so as I changed a few things I'm not sure what helped in the end, but something did, just allowing her to see what was goin on in the room.  Also, I moved a twig style ornament that I have on her windowsil, I moved it behind the curtain so that she can't see it in the night, I went to her one night and se was pointing to it and when I looked I thought that it could have been quite scary.  Take a look around the bedroom and make sure that there is nothing that might be causing scary shadows, the most innocent thing to us can be a monster to her!!

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Thanks so much for all the replies. We seem to have turned a corner, by accident but none the less. After I put her down the other night and spent ages reading chatting and calming her I left and rushed to the bathroom ( sick) and didn't make it back to her as soon as she cried. And she was in a tantrum for me to come back. After about 3 mins she stopped, was asleep :-) not the way I had imagined.I felt soooo bad the whole night. She woke again around 10 and was awake for about 15 minutes but didn't cry or call out for me and we have had no probs or night wake ups since then.
Laura I did think about bad dreams for the middle of the night wake ups so will be keeping a close eye on that if it starts again. Mari for those wake ups I just go in give her her teddy and leave, don't talk and it takes about 10 seconds. Her room is pitch dark too so can't think it might be shadows but its very windy here at the moment and her shutters bang a bit though I have tried everything including putting bricks against them on her window sill to stop it.
A few months ago we sucessfully used a star chart for sleep problems and had thought about doing it again but as it was so close to Christmas I didn't really want to get her something new as I felt it would have no motivation for her, normally books are what she likes and she had just gotten loads but will definetly use it again if we need to. The other thing I had started doing was talking about her new bed and we had gone to look at a few, even though she seems excited about it maybe this was upsetting her too? Anyway I will put that idea on hold until the end of January. Her routine is pretty much the same, nap time has become later though, it's now 1pm though I may try to move it back a little earlier as I have to wake her by 2.15 to keep bedtime and I am not sure if this is long enough for her, she will be back at preschool 3 times a week next week so expect we will hit another little glitch.
Thanks again for all the thoughts, it's great to get ideas from other people and I would be lost without BW.
Fiona

By the way, I spoke too soon, back to w/in w/out tonight