Am I deprieving my toddler????

[Mydreamcametrue]

I have been staying at home full time with my son since he was 9 months old.  He was in daycare for the first 9 mos. 

There are some days that I really feel like he is NOT benefiting from being at home with me all day.  I feel really blessed that I am able to stay at home with him, but there are some days that I just feel like we both would  be better off if I worked. 

I feel like he is not getting the enteraction he needs.  What am I doing wrong???  There is no way that I could put him back in daycare 1.) because he is sick to much and 2.) I could not deal with being away from him.

I feel like he is he bored out of his mind.  He whines most of the day unless I am entertaining him.  Maybe I am just to worried about getting stuff done around the house and hoping that he will play by himself.

Any ideas on what I can do with him all day??  My husband works 12 hours shifts, so It is JUST ME from morning to night.....  We were part of a weekly playgroup, but I have decieded to stop that until he can not be sick so much.

What does your typical day look like with a toddler???

[*Kimberly*]

Here are some ideas of things to do or places to go:

1. Zoo
2. Museum
3. Park
4. Fire Station
5. Library (Sometimes they have read-alouds)
6. Pool
7. Make something together: food or craft
8. Exercise
8. Have quiet game time
9. Have loud game time
10. Have independent play time and together play time

I would also suggest having some sort of routine to your day.  Example: The mornings you go out and do something and the afternoons he plays by himself for a little bit and then you exercise together.

I hope that helps some.  Give yourself some credit, you are a great mom and you are doing a great job.   

Kimberly

[binxyboo]

I work from home with lo. As a former preschool teacher, I made the conscious decision to have Riley at home for the first two years. In the fall, I hope to have him in a parttime morning program. Somedays, I feel like I am losing my mind and that he would be better off in school, so I get where you are coming from.

Here is a basic outline of our day:

Mornings: Breakfast and independent play while I get ready for the day. We then go down to my office (seperate building, I manage an apartment complex). He plays with his special office toys while I check messages. Then we go for a walk in his stroller around the grounds, which he enjoys. We then play in the courtyard outside the leasing office. He especially enjoyed this in the Fall when the leaves were everywhere.

Lunch and nap

Afternoons, check back in at the office and then out and about for a walk, errands, something he will enjoy like a park.

Home for dinner, bath and bed.

Toys he enjoys right now: playdough, sensory table, watertable, puzzles, books, cars, climbing on anything to get to light switches...

Riley will play independently for a while, then we do more interactive activites together.

 

[Missy Lou]

do you have friends with LOs about the same age to have play dates with?  that would give him time with other LOs.  or any groups in your city that you guys could join - like mommy and me type things?

[Gippie]

I am a working mom (teacher - great hours) and out LO is at home with PApa when I am at work since he works nights.    DD is in daycae for a few hours per week when our coming and going schedules overlap.   It has been WONDERFUL for her...and perhaps you cna find a daycare center where he can get some interaction that you want without feeling like you are leaving him for work - rathre it is for him....noone else.

I feel like your honest frustration is what I hear a lot from mom's at home BUT I also feel the same way, cause DD is NOT in daycare a lot....so I wonder about her getting enough kid time.    We do the library each week, family, friends and I am looking for a gym program for her that works with our schedules.    We take her to the park a lot, outside and Papa and I "play" a lot with her.    DH is the book reader and I am the skill builder (color, blocks, words....) - it works out well.   

Guilt is universal - no matter if you are home or work.  I guess a few moms make it seem like everything is perfect in their world...and thats great, but I think if we were all honest, we would admit that although we LOVE where we are and what we do, we yearn for tastes of the other world.    When I went back to work...it was MY choice and I wanted to.  I will say and I always say... "I want to teach AND be at home with my DD" - never gonna happen and I would love both worlds.....and if I had one, I'd for sure want the other....I think that's NORMAL.   

Sometimes I have to wrte it down and I do in my What to expect book.  I write what we ARE doing and what she IS doing against the "norms" set up by the author...it helps me see what I need to encourage and what skill development is anticipated and then I think about how I can help it grow.

Stacey

[Katet]

Firstly there are benefits & problems (illness being a biggy) associated with daycare, but there is no proven problem with children who stay at home under the age of 4yo... trust me I spent 6 months finding information as many (non professionals) told me ds#1 would be helped by going back to daycare/preschool... incidently every professional (even the head of the Preschool) told me differently about the benefits... it works for some children it is a problem for others & to trust myself... which I have & he isn't starting back until he is 4yo.

One big lesson I learnt early on when I stopped work & became a SAHM before ds#2 was born... children/toddlers need to be shown how to play with things, for many children independent play is a skill they need to be taught/learn... it starts as 5mins here & there & builds up to 45-hour... but they often need help learning how to do things. They also can help you with chores... passing washing to the machine or "play cooking" dusting furniture or even a spray bottle with water & a cloth. Routines in the day help with this, if they know after the help (hinder) you while making the beds, Mummy then does X then you go for a walk they get to know how things work.

I take my children out daily, often twice daily, even if it is to watch trains & buses or a train ride or the park or even a walk along the street. They actually enjoy those activities far more than playgroup or "noisy" activities with other  children.

Grocery shopping can be fun with a visit to a pet shop etc... Librarys, ours has story time but it is for 2+yo although younger siblings can attend... we also have swimming lessons. Quite simply... simple outings can be fun and learning, like watching at a building site can kill 1/2 hour & you can explain things going on, or chasing a balloon around the house together.
A bowl filled with big pasta pieces that they can tip & measure occupied my boys from a young age

[Elisabeth and Victorias mummy]

I understan how you feel, i was begining to feeel like that as well, until i prayed about it and then realized wait a sec, you were a preschool techer for how many years.  Anyway i came up with a rouitne like this, i hope it helps.



800am-   Potty

810am-   Bottle, Cereal, (mummys breakfast)

830am-   Potty

845am-   Dress for day, help mummy with chores

945am-   Run Erands, Table top Activities (play dough, coloring, puzzles)
      (mummys exercises)

1045am-   Snack ( fruit,and cherrios), milk
      Potty

1100am-   Walk

1200pm-   Lunch with water
      Potty

1230pm-   Bottle, naptime
  230/3pm

300pm-   Snack, (Yogurt or cheese and crackers), milk

320pm-   potty

330pm-    Playtime, (mummys quiet reading time)

430pm-   Jolly Jumper (mummy gets dinner ready)
      
530pm-    Baby Einstein DVD, or other Activity

600pm-    Dinner

630pm-   Potty

645pm-   Bath time

700pm-   Jammies, Bottle, Bed
      

[Qaytbey]

If you need some personal time, a "playmat" is excellent!  It consists of a brightly coloured mat, with 2 arches over it from which dangle soft toys that squeak, rattle etc..  My daughter is 3 months old and it keeps her occupied for 30 minutes+ at a stretch.  You can also vary her entertainment by putting different toys next to her.  By putting it on the floor she is safe although if I am not with her I surround it with pillows, which both stops her from rolling off it as well as keeping out drafts.

[maggieruth]

we moms always feel guilty for something  
its been fun having my dh home over the holidays and watching his dawning realisation that our ds HAS to get out or do a special activity of some sort everyday or everyone is miserable (i think he used to think i was just going out for coffee or playdates all the time for the heck of it!  )
the activities mentioned are GREAT!  
i sometimes feel jealous of the nursery Ethan attends all the time as they can put out sand, pasta (cooked or not), water etc for the kids to play in and know that their job is watching the kids and that they have a cleaning staff that will see to the floor after... no wonder they get to do so many great things!
look around for playgroups that will replicate a nursery feel but allow you to be there too with your lo... if you are in the uk, the nct may be able to tell you about some groups going on!

[Katet]

Oh & just wanted to add, the first 4-6 months of toddler hood seem to be a "whingy" needy time where the do require a large degree of love & attention with high levels of SA & developmental stuff going on, so hang in there & realise the time you do give him will be of benefit to him & his need to have you there with him is giving him confidence to be more independant in a few months time

[Gippie]

Second the notion that the centers HAVE a cleanip crew and do bring in the paint, sand, snow and leaves with no worries.   I JUST came back from being there for the "music lady" and I am copying her "shakers"  (little water bottles that she fills with colored stuff).  Of course we have music stuff here - but hers were cooler....

Our center allows me to briing Quinn in any time to play as long as I am there - so they are not over the adult to child ratio.   

[sue]

Just wanted to add that music was a biggy for us in terms of saving my sanity!  My son prefers "real" music, as opposed to kids stuff (I guess the kids stuff doesn't have enough bass ) and he likes it pretty loud (not too loud of course) but I'll put some music on and he'll dance for at least an hour!  He started this in small doses in the Jolly Jumper when he was really little and still loves dance time as a four year old.  It's great fun and awesome exercise so you end up with time for yourself, and a happy, tired child!

[Missy Lou]

katet - what age is considered to be the first 4-6 months of toddlerhood?  probably a dumb question but i don't what age is considered to be a toddler and not a baby anymore. 

[Katet]

mlee, some would say toddlerhood starts when they walk (toddle), others when they are mobile... I have always sort of thought of it when they turn 1 (0-1 = baby, 1-3 = toddler, 3-5 = preschooler)

[Mydreamcametrue]

Wow. Thanks everyone so much for all the suggestions. 

We are part of a playgroup (weekly), but I had decieded to not do that anymore because Zach was getting sick so much.  I also decided not to go ANYWHERE at all because of him getting sick.

I can't do that though, all it will do it deft. deprieve him.

We just need to stick to a routine/schedule and stick with it so he knows what to expect.

Thanks everyone!!!!