night waking and seperation anxiety

[fiandcharlie]

Hi, I have been using the baby whisperer since my son was three months old. It has been tremendously succesful. However, he is now nine months old and has awful seperation anxiety, far worse than my dd had, to the point that I can't move more than a foot away without him screaming. he has had few night wakings since three months, all were cold related, but suddenly he has begun waking at 11 pm and screaming. If either of us go into the room he instantly goes quiet and seems to settle but as soon as we leave he screams again. It has been taking and hour and a half to settle him. He still has no teeth so we wondered if he was teething but the fact that he is instantly quiet when we enter the room makers me wonder. He goes down for his naps in the day with a little of the same scream but settles himself and always goes to sleep on his own. His routine is

7 wake milk 8 oz
8.15 cereal and toast
9.30 - 10.30 0r 11 sleep
11.30 dinner
2 - 3 sleep
3.30 milk 6 oz
4.15 tea
5.30 -6 nap
6 small yoghurt
6.30 bath
7 bottle 8oz and bed awake.

He sleeps with a muslin square and has done for 6 months.
He is a spirited baby who doesnt respond at all well to pick up put down so use pat shush.

I have to feed him a snack at 6 as he is at nursery till then and i get no time before hand. This routine has been working well for two months and his awake times are extending.

Please can anyone tell me if seperation anxiety is an issue with night wakings and give me some pointers on how to overcome this.

Many thanks!

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi,I had exactly the same problem with dd.Although by the time I found BW she was 16months old and it had got to 3 hours getting her to sleep.
Henrysmama (Sarah) was my saviour and this is what I did.
Put lo down,kiss and do your normal routine,then leave the room.
If he starts crying,count to 10,go in,lay him down,say goodnight,go out.
Count to 10,go in,lay him down,go out,
Count to 10 and carry on until he's asleep.
Only go in when he's crying.If you get to 5 and he stops then just wait and
if he starts again,carry on counting from then.

I must warn you that the first night is hell because he will just scream and scream,so
I used to do some stretches while counting outside her door.
For us the first night took 51 mins,2nd night 30 mins and 3rd night 7 mins,then only had to do it once or on a  twice from there.
When you decide to do it,stick to it and I promise you this will help.

Let me know how you get on.

[Silas Mum]

Hi, question for you, Jessica & Emilys Mummy : so is what you're suggesting a variation of pu/pd?  I guess the only way it's really different is that you are leaving the room. ??  Is this b/c of the age?  I have a 9 month old and he's waking about 6 times a night and he has terrible SA right now.  would this work for us?

Thanks!
Allison  =)

[jessica and emilys mummy]

I think it's because of age and the sep anx.
With Em,if you stayed in the room,then she was fine until you walked out,whether she was asleep for a while or not.So by her learning that I would always come back,she settled quickly.
Tracy did something similar by standing outside the door with the door open,that didn't work for us,had to have the door shut.

I would try it.And again,I can't stress how horrible the first night is.But just occupy yourselves to the count of 10.You can decide how quickly you count.eg. 12345678910 or 1..........2.................3..................4..................5 etc.

Some HV's will tell you to go in after a minute,then 2 minutes,then 3 and so on,until they're asleep.Don't be tempted to do this.Especially at that age,it confuses and upsets them.
Let me know what happens.
Will happily answer questions here and pm if you need

[fiandcharlie]

Hi, I had already been doing a version of this, I fully agree with Traceys theory of not leaving the 'help me' cry. I was on night two when i posted. Night three he slept through then last night woke, i went in when his mantra cry changed and lay him back down and he went back to sleep! Yet again the three day thing worked! Strangely, his seperation anxiety during the day has calmed down since, whether its due to all the extra reassurance in the night or whether its just naturally calmed down im sure i'll never know! Thank you so much for your support! xxxxx

[boopym]

I'm a mother of a nine month-old girl, who used to put herself to sleep for bedtime and naps. There was no fuss involved at all. We'd simply put her in her crib, say good-night and leave the room. She would moan and talk herself to sleep within twenty minutes. This was great, until she got a terrible chest cold with a horrible cough, an ear infection, and was teething (all at the same time). Of course, she couldn't breathe and would have coughing fits in the middle of the night so there was a lot of cuddling and rocking going on to help her go back to sleep. We knew that this was killing her sleep routine but what else do you do with a sick baby? Since then, she kind of got back on track but not completely (she wouldnt put herself to sleep).

In an effort to put an end to her once a night waking (which I would kill for now) we bought Tracey's book and have been trying the suggestions in it. We are trying to feed her more during the day and even though we were already doing EASY and didn't know it, we are trying to stick to it more closely.
We've been doing pu/pd for over a week now but it doesn't seem to be productive for us. It is actually taking us an hour to put back to sleep almost each time she wakes up. Therefore, she is exhausted beyond reason and is so overtired that she can't stay awake for more than 2-2 1/2 hours at a time. I also know that the overexhaustion is causing her to sleep less soundly and is one of the reasons for her night wakings. She went from waking up once a night at 3am to waking every 1 1/2-two hours. When we go into her room she calms down but the minute we leave she screams again. Could this be separation anxiety? or she is in a very bad habit?

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if I don't know how to put her to sleep anymore. We are so desperate that we are thinking of putting her crib in our room just so that we can all get some sleep. We need help and some answers. Please!!!! I am exhausted to the point of being physically ill.


Judy
AKA, Sophie's mom

[M and N's Mom]

When we go into her room she calms down but the minute we leave she screams again. Could this be separation anxiety? or she is in a very bad habit?

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.  I get ill when I'm too tired as well so I know how you feel 

Have you tried sleeping on the floor of her room?  If you said she calms when you go in, that might help if it is SA.  I haven't really done it, but I have read about lots of other moms/dads who did that and only had to do it a couple of nights.  Hopefully someone who has more experience with SA will respond to you.